Merry versus Pippin



We put Billy Boyd (Pippin) and Dominic Monaghan (Merry) in the same room; we put a tape recorder on the table and pressed « record ». When two hobbits interview each other, you might end up learning more than you’d bargained for.



BILLY: Hello, Dominic.

DOM: Hello, Bill.

BILLY: Welcome at Premiere’s…

DOM: I meant to ask you…

BILLY: What?

DOM: …when was your biggest drinking session during filming?

BILLY: I’m a very shy drunk.

DOM: I understand. Can I tell the answer for you, then?

BILLY: Nah, that’ll do, thank you.

DOM: What has changed in your life since your work on Lord of the Rings, and what don’t you like about these changes? Besides your weight.

BILLY: Nothing, as a matter of fact. But if you’re asking, it must mean there are things that upset you, then?

DOM: I’ve lost touch with some friends I would have liked to keep in touch with…

BILLY: Call them!

DOM: Yeah, but it’s kinda weird, you know? I’m going to call and they’re going to answer: “great. Who’s calling?” Right, so, given all the people you’ve met through all this, who were you most excited about meeting?

BILLY: Ian Holm, that was nice. He’s always been one of my favourite actors and it was kind of wild to find myself in the seat next to his in makeup. What about you?

DOM: I met Robin Williams briefly the other night, that’s crazy, no? It was during that charity event for the Philip Seymour Hoffman theatrical company.

BILLY: We played charades with Edward Norton. Very nice. Who won the most pool games, you or me?

DOM: That’s a very difficult question you’re asking there…

BILLY: I’m asking you, honestly.

DOM: …

DOM: What’s your favourite colour?

BILLY: Blue.

DOM: Ok, if we like… try and calculate an average, I think it’s you.

BILLY: you’ll make sure to print that, thank you.

DOM: I think what with the importance of the whole shoot, I had to reconsider my priorities. It seemed more important to you, anyway.

BILLY: Elijah really really sucked at pool. And footie.

DOM: He can’t seem to be able to take all the angles into account. Something to do with his eyes, I think.

BILLY: Unbelievable. He’s got the biggest eyes in the whole wide world, and they don’t work very well. What a shame. Imagine… if they were 100% functional, he’d be able to see flies 500 yards away.

DOM: kind of like a superhero.

BILLY: Eye-Man!

DOM: It’s such a shame that he can’t see a thing!

BILLY: Which place did you most like visiting during filming?

DOM: Thailand, when we went there for a few days’ break with Orlando. The beach, drinking from coconuts and all that…

BILLY: The only problem was we weren’t allowed to stay in the sun too long. If we’d gotten back with a nice tan, imagine the hell we’d have gotten from makeup.

DOM: We also visited the Star Wars shoot. Nice people.

BILLY: We had dinner with Princess Amidabi.

DOM: Amidala.

BILLY: That’s what I said.

DOM: If you were elected King of Scotland, what changes would you make?

BILLY: Many changes. We need more filming studios in Scotland. And I’d make sure everybody could go to school for free. How’s that for you?

DOM: You’ve got my vote. Have you ever hurt a fellow actor?

BILLY: Probably. Let me think… One day, I didn’t see him arrive and I hit Sala Baker (who plays Sauron) on the head with my sword. Thank goodness he’s got a head as hard as cement; I could have split his head in two. I could have killed him! I was surprised he didn’t hit me back. Kind of a big fellow.

DOM: After 5 weeks of filming, you could have killed Sauron. That would have made for a shorter film.

BILLY: I would have stolen the ring and used its ability to make you invisible to go spy on the girls in their dressing rooms.

DOM: Brilliant! Finally be able to see what Cate Blanchet does!

BILLY: What do you mean?

DOM: Nothing.

BILLY: Exactly. Let’s see, what would you do if you had the ring and could be invisible?

DOM: I’d go to a lingerie store and hang around the changing rooms.

BILLY: That’s what you’d do, ogle naked women?

DOM: And then, we could go to the White House and really see what’s going on in there. If someone offered you either a wingless parrot or a legless dog, which one would you take?

BILLY: The parrot.

DOM: Why?

BILLY: It wouldn’t be as sad as the legless dog.

DOM: And what would you call it?

BILLY: Wing-a-ding-ding.

DOM: If you could go live on any planet you wanted, which one would you go to?

BILLY: Saturn.

DOM: The rings, of course.

BILLY: You?

DOM: Pluto. To be as far away from you as possible.

BILLY: Thank you, Dominic.