Wow, you were like the ultimate fan...

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Ehmagawd, December 13 is this Friday!!

No, I really wouldn't call it that. I mean, to me a fan is someone who chooses to devote time and energy and money to something. With AS, it's like, you can't help it. You can't not. For example, Sean Astin was at a convention in the UK last year. If I'd have been in the same place as I was ten years ago, it wouldn't have been an option not to get there somehow and meet him. Like, it wouldn't have been "I'm so crushed I have no money and can't go" or "I'm so angry with my mum she won't let me go". It literally would have been "I cannot not go. That is not possible. I HAVE to go." And that's just really hard to live with. I still have that relationship with a lot of things, but with LotR I've just taken a clean break from both books and movies because right now I couldn't handle ending up in the same state of mind as I was then.

Uh, it's so hard to explain. Basically, if you don't have Asperger's I can't really explain it in a way so that anyone can understand fully. My brain is just wired differently, so I see things differently, and feel differently about things. It's awkward.

I do want to point out though, that I don't in any way mean it as "I'm a bigger fan than you", because that's not what it's about at all. It's not that you're a "bigger" fan when you've got AS, it's that you're a "different" fan. (Note: People with AS have different specific interests that become what music, movies, TV and books have become to me. It can be anything from how cars work to breeds of dogs or how houses are built, etc.)

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Rest in peace Carrie Fisher, the legend we didn't deserve.