Dear Master Aulë,

My staf is broken could you please send a new one with Eagle Xpress?

Oh, and Sauron says hello too.

Your humble servant,
Curumo of many colours

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[Awaiting a new signature banner by me]
My former names on AU:
Callondhaer, Duilantion

Curumo of many Colours,

I need to know the measurement and of what material you want it made of.
May I suggest oak?

Yours sincerele,
Master Aulë

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These are hilarious guys!



Dear Son,

How could you have carelessly lost your elven brush?! That was an heirloom! I'm disappointed in you! I told you you shouldn't bring it along, it's not a good luck charm! I hope you're ready for a good long lecture once you get back home.

Love,
Thranduil of Mirkwood

P.S. As long as you still have your elven mirror, the lecture will be shorter.

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Dear Glorfindel,

I understand that you are upset about Arwen's sudden appearance in FOTR, but she did NOT steal your horse. You merely misplaced it, and she found it. And I swear if you do not give my Valinor snowglobe back within the next hour, I will personally scribble "Glorfy" all over you in permanant ink for the children to laugh at tomorrow.

Sincerely,
Elrond

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^ Made by Orry! Be jealous, be very jealous...

^ *sniffles* Thank you all so much! I'm so...so honored...*dabs at eyes*

Dear Master Felagund,

My eagles are bringing you flowers from Valmar, not wrecking your garden! If you don't like the flowers, just leave a call on my cell and I'll make them stop. Oh, and please don't send letters to me again unless it's absolutley necessary. I'm busy enough as it is, what with being King of the Valar and ordering the winds about.

Busily yours,
Manwe

P.S. If you'd happily come back to Valinor, all of this wouldn't be a problem, now would it?

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Dear Elrond,

Upset is putting it mild. Arwen made me lose a bet with that blasted youngling, Legolas. I was supposed to be the one people were to fawn over. It was my only chance for Tolkien to show how totally cool I am and look what they do! I even had some cool elvish lines! It's your daughter, teach 'er some manners. I would like you to know that I will be sleeping with MY horse tonight so try getting to me without getting kicked in the noggin.

Chief,
Glorfindel

P.S. I refuse to attend your bloody council as your chief advisor. Hmph!



Dear Manwe,

I hear you think you're the king of us. You wish.

Respectfully yours,
Varda

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Dear Glorfindel,

Oh dear, yes, I can clearly see now why that would be so terribly unfortunate for you. After all, what could be better than a screaming fangirl charging your way, ready to cover you in lipstick markings, drool all over your feet and put you on display for half the world to gawk at like some newly-discovered animal from another world? Truly, I had not considered such things. I will be certain to alert all of young Legolas' fans to fawn extra nicely over him to make up for the time they would have spent with you.

Amused,
Elrond

P.S. That is all right if you do not wish to attend my "bloody" council as chief advisor. Erestor has been asking for that position for a long time now, actually...[/quote]

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^ Made by Orry! Be jealous, be very jealous...

^ *sniffles* Thank you all so much! I'm so...so honored...*dabs at eyes*

Elrond,

I would like to make an appointment for therapy at 3:30 tomorrow. Would this be well?

Begging,
Glorfindel

P.S. I feel special, Elrond. You seemed to have forgotten that Erestor and I are both your chief advisors.


=================

Miramax,

One movie. Hah.

Sincerely,
New Line Cinema

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Dear Glorfindel,

Why, yes, I do believe I have 3:30 open for an appointment. I look forward to seeing you then, my friend. Do not forget to bring peppermints.

Sincerely,
Elrond

P.S. Well, Erestor has never been the single advisor now, has he? Such a position is worth much praise. But if you are still willing to attend the council, then I do not think we need to think about that...

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^ Made by Orry! Be jealous, be very jealous...

^ *sniffles* Thank you all so much! I'm so...so honored...*dabs at eyes*

Dear Lord Celeborn,

You are ugly.

Sincerely,
Orophin

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Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Dear Elrond,

I have recently been informed that neither I nor Erestor will have a camio in the Council of Elrond scene. I am very much upset. May I make a double appointment with a follow up meeting?

Dismal,
Glorfindel

===================



Dear Low Elf Being,

But think about who got to marry the Lady of Light, herself. Take that.

Amused,
Lord Celeborn

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Dear Glorfindel,

Oh dear, that is dreadful news indeed. I was not aware that it would be even remotely possible to avoid giving you two a reasonable spot...b-but who shall advise me then? What if I make a wrong decision?! What if I make myself look like a fool in front of everyone...even the dwarves?! Oh dear, I believe I shall need an appointment with a therapist myself...but yes, I will schedule you for a double appointment and a follow-up meeting. Oh, woe are the days that are ours...

Troubled,
Elrond

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^ Made by Orry! Be jealous, be very jealous...

^ *sniffles* Thank you all so much! I'm so...so honored...*dabs at eyes*

Elrond,

My advice for the council. Act as if you know what you're talking. Rant on about things we already know with a strict tone. That'll shake 'em.

Sincerely,
Glorfindel

P.S. Galadriel does appointments does she not?

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Dear Glorfindel,

I think I have athsma now. I'm having trouble breathing. Do you think I should start the council with that old "strangers from distant lands friends of old" bit? That might at least let them know that I know a few people...oh dear, I am never going to recover from this. I will have to see about those appointments with my mother-in-law. If she isn't already booked with all the other troubled souls of Lothlorien. But surely she will hold a spot open for me, for family reasons..?

Oh dear. I am getting a migraine...

Truly doomed,
Elrond

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^ Made by Orry! Be jealous, be very jealous...

^ *sniffles* Thank you all so much! I'm so...so honored...*dabs at eyes*

Dear Council Members....

I regret, to have to inform you, that due to a shortage in high-chairs, all persons over 1.30m will be obliged to sit on the ground, on pillows.
This is to ensure the feeling of equality, between all parties.
None shall have to look up, to others...

Sincerly yours,
Master of Ceremonies

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MvL/Nurr
my Aragorn

Dear Master of Ceremonies,

On PILLOWS?! B-but I have knee problems! Bad knee problems! I-I can't sit on a PILLOW! Oh please, please, surely there must be some way you can spare me this agony! I am already seeing a healer twice a week...and a therapist THREE times a week! I COULDN'T BEAR THE TRAUMA!!

Frantic,
Telebeth

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^ Made by Orry! Be jealous, be very jealous...

^ *sniffles* Thank you all so much! I'm so...so honored...*dabs at eyes*