Yes, Bolkien, as in
The Unfinished Spelling Error of Bolkien. It's deliberate! Don't you go getting any ideas about how bad my spelling is.
This has been given a PG-13 rating by the A-U mods. Members listen at their own risk, and if they if they happen to find something that offends them, please remember that A-U doesn't endorse such content and members cannot say that they were not warned. The mods cannot also vouch for your sense of humour, and therefore cannot guarantee that you will fall off your chair laughing. <-- having said that so none of you sue us, I'd like to say that I highly recommend this, and I hope that even if you don't get the same amount of enjoyment from it I and many people I know did, it'll make you smile.
But what is this about?
The Unfinished Spelling Errors of Bolkien is a hilarious comedy act by an Australian comedian,
Martin Pearson, who decided that the LotR would have been "so much better as a musical". As well as singing songs he rewrote the words to, to make them about LotR, he amusingly summarises and comments on the film in a way that compares it to the books.
And how does this have anything to do with me?
Since the majority of you don't live in Australia, and are unlikely to have the chance to see him in concert (I haven't but a close friend has), let alone discover what Bolkien is, I decided to upload the files for you. These ones are for the act about the Fellowship of the Ring, being called
The Lost Grocery Lists. Why? Your guess is as good as mine...
Downloading
I'm going to upload these an act at a time, so it's only the first part here at the moment. They're on yousendit, so they expire after a week, and I'll try to upload them again ASAP. Please don't hesitate to poke me if something isn't working, and I'll do my upmost to sort it out!
How do I know I'm in for something worth listening to?
I've typed up a part of the beginning, to give you a taste to know if you want to waste your bandwidth (trust me, you probably do).
I might point out, this is not meant to make fun of LotR. As he says "If I mock, I mock with love."
"The whole point behind this, the movies were brilliant, the book – I’ve read it every year since I was about thirteen, and I’ll read it again. The movies were brilliant but – they would have been so much better if they’d been a musical. If he would have considered a Baz Luhmen/Peter Jackson collaboration, dancing hobbits, fire works, you know, little sequined costumes for Gollum, perhaps, it would have been so much better. So to put that right, I have taken the liberty of writing songs, which we will get to.
In a hole in the ground lived a hobbit – two hobbits in fact. Bilbo, who hasn’t aged a day since finding a mysterious magic ring, despite looking older, greyer and much more wrinkly than he did, and Frodo, with huge eyes and a button nose, who lives with his uncle because of the scandal surrounding his side of the family. It was rumoured that his mother had slept with a bush baby. Bilbo is planning a party of special magnificence, for his one-hundred-and-eleventh birthday, but has concealed the fact that it is also Frodo’s birthday, perhaps as some kind of cruel trick. Frodo meets Gandalf, a wizard whose eyebrows fail to jut out further than the rim of his hat, but let’s face it, that was never going to happen. We’d be talking about eyebrows seven inches long! And this isn’t The Hobbit anymore, this is serious literature now. Anyway, he had his eyebrows brutally plucked in the dungeons of Dul Guldur and the orcs nicked his curling tongs. Fortunately his nose sticks out further than the end of his hat, and Frodo, leaping over for a hug, is lucky not to lose an eye. Film Gandalf then proves himself much more generous than book Gandalf by giving the hobbit kids fireworks. And passive lung cancer. What a nice old man. Frodo has guessed that Bilbo is concealing his own birthday from him, but Gandalf is not letting on. At this point the wagon rolls across the bridge and Frodo says “I’m glad you’re back.” Gandalf, as the music swells, says, “so am I dear boy, so am I.”
At that point he should have burst into song..."
No, you can't stop there! I want more!
Tracks are listed in the order they should be listened to: - to download these, see below.
Lost Grocery List 01
The Gandalf Song
Lost Grocery List 02
The Fellowship Song
Lost Grocery List 03
The Two Towers Song
Unfinished Spelling Errors 01
The Balrog Song
Unfinished Spelling Errors 02
The Nazgul Song
The Unfinished Spelling Errors 3
The Saruman Song
Download
HERE
The Digitally-remastered Thumbprint 01
The Legolas and Gimli Song
The Digitally-remastered Thumbprint 02
The Denethor Song
The Digitally-remastered Thumbprint 03
The Loo-break song (contains some swearing... but is definately hilarious)
Download
HERE
Enjoy!
That's all folks, I hope you enjoy these as much as I did, and share them with all your friends!
Need a LotR character's approval? (from the CD's inner jacket... not that I own the CD...
)
From mssrs. Lurin and Alrohir:
Our client, Legolas of the Woodland Realm, feels you may have called into question his elfliness. He offers this statement in explanation: ‘Tight trousers are traditional elvish ethnic dress. Long, flowing blonde hair is useful in Mirkwood for camouflage in the darkness and the braids denote ancient family lineages. The Chihuahua is a traditional elvish hunting dog, and anyway, Gimli ate it.’” - Legolas
“I’d laugh if I still had a mouth” – Sauron
“Don’t ask me to get involved, I want to be back around the campfire, toasting roe-deer and quaffing meat… yes, dear… Arwen tells me I like the CD very much.” – Aragorn II, King Elessar of Gondor and Arnor
EDIT: I've uploaded them to a more permanent file host this time, instead of yousendit, so the files shouldn't keep on expiring and this should work a lot better. I hope.
So if there is a problem, please let me know and I'll try and sort it out!
]
does anyone else know of a host or something I could use? I think maybe people's computer's must be blocking yousendit.. its all I can think of...