I would never help Sauron build more dungeons beneath Dol Guldur because I'd be making too much money selling toxic potions to the Shire-folk under the guise of 'curing their winter colds' which I guess I just admitted to.... But yo know what they say... it's never enough when you get lots of money so I would then be caught selling Legolas shares in a haircare products company, and then before they could lock me up I would abscond with his money.



1. Blow a trumpet every time Arwen starts to say her wedding vows
2. Tripple the baking soda in Bilbo's birthday cake
3. Warn Golum that Gandalph and Aragorn are looking for him

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Lol I thought it worked out pretty good too. haha


Eh... powder... soda.... it's all white powdery stuff used in baking.


I would probably get caught smashing all of Barliman's ale kegs, and flooding the Prancing Pony cellars. I would then be banished to mordor for my crime and would admit to painting Orthanc white, and placeing a 10,000 watt lighthouse type light on top of it. I would never, however, rearrange all of the books, and manuscripts, in the great library of Minas Tirith because I'm not motivated enough to go through that much work and effort...



1. Try and convince Aragorn that Alien's abducted Arwen
2. Paint pink flowers on the Black Gates
3. Steal Galadriel's ring and sell it to the highest bidder

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Tevildo, Prince of Cats

I would probably get caught telling Éowyn that Éomer has a better horse than she has. To quickly change the subject, though, I would admit to having gone Orc hunting with Elladan and Elrohir with only an axe as a weapon. I would never, however, Join Túrin's band of outlaws and give up their location to Morgoth.


1. Slay a dragon and blame it on a hobbit
2. Dig a giant hole under Treebeard's roots while he sleeps
3. Send Sam's brace of conys flying through the air and landing in the river to float away.

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Tevildo, Prince of Cats

I would admit to stealing Frodo's phial of starlight, and use it to light up your backyard barbecue, because everyone would be asking where I got my outstanding lighting! I would probably get caught pick all of the apples in every orchard of the Shire to make apple cider vinegar, you can then sell to the hobbits to kill the weeds in their vegetable gardens. I could never do THAT much without getting caught.... I would never get around to painting logos and slogans on the great walls surrounding Minas Tirith because I would be wrestling with the hobbits to save my hide for stealing their apples and selling them their own product after I made apple cider vinegar.



1.Give Gimli some of my infamous apple cider vinegar instead of ale and tell him if he can't stomach your brew he can't hold his liquor.
2. Bend Legola's arrows in an attempt to win in an archery contest against him.
3. Tell the hobbits that Goblins are coming and steal their dishes and food from their larder in the confusion

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Tevildo, Prince of Cats

I would NEVER drain the Dead Marshes to build a new housing development because then people would find my secret... er.. I mean. No, I wouldn't do that.
I would, however admit to leveling Orthanc and asking the Ents to create a woodland park where it stood, and in the surrounding areas. I would then be caught having a graffiti painting contest on the walls of Minas Tirith with all my new Ent friends.



1.Tell Boromir that if he goes to the Council of Elrond he will die
2.Cut Elrond's hair in his sleep.
3. Steal ALL of Arwen's shoes.

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Tevildo, Prince of Cats

I would absolutely never tell Gríma that he should claim kinship to Théoden while he's under Saruman's spell because I can't stand the man. I would probably be caught tell Éomer that he will have to sit out the Battle of Pelannor because Firefoot has come up lame, because Eomer would probably know better. I would then admit to Eomer that I told Éowyn that Aragorn has bought a ring, and will propose shortly in order to quickly change the subject.


1. Sing a song of six pence pocket full of rye... O_o as you dance through the orcs at helms deep cutting them off at the knees.
2. Claim to be the reincarnated Glaurung in human form and threaten to take over Edoras single handedly.
3. Leave a black rose Saruman's throne in the Palantir room and a note prophesying his death.

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Tevildo, Prince of Cats

I would be caught Following Frodo and Sam through the Dead Marshes while claiming to be a property developer looking for a new golf course site. I would never be able to sneak into the Halls of Mandos and seek out Fëanor and his sons and tell them that you have located the two missing stones... Mostly because Inwould still smell like the Dead Marshes and they would catch me from my smell if I tried. So instead I would crash Finarfin's dinner party: eat all of the desserts and dance the polka with Eärwen.



1. Give Gandalf a parot for his birthday that would repeat EVERYTHING he ever says.
2. Switch lit Frodo's elvish bread with magoty Orc bread.
3. Kill all Sam's strawberries that he plants after returning to the Shire once the ring is destroyed.

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Tevildo, Prince of Cats

I would never steal and give all of Smaug's treasure to Sauron to help fund his campaign to regain his ring.
I would admit to runing against Samwise Gamgee in his bid to become Mayor on a platform of offering all hobbits free pipe-weed for life.
I would get caught trying to help the Uruk-hai catch up to the Fellowship by boring holes in their boats while they're ashore on a lavatory break.





1. Replace all the weapons in mordor with foam replicas
2. Replace all the horses in Rohan with bycicles
3. Replace all the food in Hobiton with protein shakes

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Tevildo, Prince of Cats