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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: November 18th, 2016, 12:04 am 
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I would never offer to teach Lúthien the tango because I don't know it. I would probably admit to warning Thingol that the Dwarves will murder him if he doesn't smarten up. I would get caught stealing one of the Mearas and sell it at a horse sale in Gondor as a work-horse.

1. Snitch all Bilbo's cheese from his larder
2. Ruin Bilbo's birthday cake
3. Tell Frodo Gandalf wants the ring for himself

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: November 18th, 2016, 8:16 pm 
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I might get caught stealing all of the cheese in Bilbo's larder because they would have followed the trail of crackers crumbs to my hideout, but I would never ruin Bilbo's birthday cake. And, I would definitely admit to telling Frodo that Gandalf wants the Ring for himself.

1. Tell Éomer that Éowyn is planning on rebelling by marrying a stable hand.
2. Steal all of the Prancing Pony napkins and coasters, and sell them at exorbitant prices to fans of the place.
3. Send Aragorn on a quest to find the perfect gift for Arwen.

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: November 20th, 2016, 2:02 pm 
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I would probably admit to telling Éomer that Éowyn is planning on rebelling by marrying a stable hand. Tonget out of trpuble when ingot caught stealing all of the Prancing Pony napkins and coasters, and sell them at exorbitant prices to fans of the place.
I would never Send Aragorn on a quest to find the perfect gift for Arwen because he probably would not be convinced by my antics.


1. Tell Arwen that aragorn wasn't convinced by my antics and is NOT going on a quest to find the perfect gift
2. Tell the stable hand that Eowyn is planning on Rebelling by marying him.
3. Sell the prancing Poney new (cheap generic) napkins and coasters for high prices and double the profits from selling their napkins and coasters you just stole and sold to the fans of the inn.

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: November 20th, 2016, 2:51 pm 
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I would never tell Arwen that Aragorn hadn't been convinced by your antics to send him on a quest to find her the perfect gift, because the big guy just might come through and actually find something on his own. Then I would be forced to admit that I told the stable hand that Éowyn was planning on rebelling by marrying him, when he vanished from the stables and moved elsewhere to avoid her. And, naturally, I would get caught selling the Prancing Pony inferior napkins and coasters due to misspelling Prancing as Pranking*.

*As a result of this teensy error, my chance to double the profits I made from selling the stolen napkins and coasters, at exorbitant prices to fans of the establishment flew out the window, and resulted in my incarceration ..... yet again.

1. Tell Boromir to make sure to kill Frodo when he steals the One Ring so he can quickly escape.
2. Tell Lurtz that Boromir has the Ring in his possession and is heading for Gondor.
3. Tell Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli what Boromir has done but that he is heading to Rohan.

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: November 21st, 2016, 9:00 pm 
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I would never tell boromire to kill frodo so he can escape quickly because I would be to busy admitting that i told Lirtz that Boromir had the Ring. At that point I would be caught telling Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli what Boromir has done and that he is heading for Rohan.


1. Steal the one ring and throw it into a different volcano in middle earth so it will not be destroyed but can not be recovered either.
2. Send poisoned arrows to Eowyn with a note asking her to shoot Worm tongue and frame Sauron.
3. Offer Frodo a way out of his quest before he gets to Rivendel and the ring has not yet got ahold of him.

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: December 10th, 2016, 7:01 pm 
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I would never steal the Ring and throw it into a different volcano in Middle-earth so that it would neither be destroyed, nor recovered, because I value my life too much, and have no desire to face the BG to try to explain my obviously faulty reasoning.
I would get caught sending poisoned arrows to Éowyn with a note asking her to shoot Wormtongue and frame Sauron, because I would accidently stab myself in the foot with one of said arrows, fall into a swoon from the effects of the poison and, whilst in a state of delerium, would admit I offered Frodo a way out of his quest before he gots to Rivendell, and the Ring took hold of him.

1. Offer to steal the Ring from Frodo and give it to Boromir, on the condition that he kill his companions while they sleep.
2. Offer to set up Legolas in a high end spa.
3. Offer Sam the chance to return home to the Shire if he steals the Ring from Frodo, and returns it to its creator/owner, Sauron.

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: December 12th, 2016, 9:08 pm 
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I would never Offer to steal the Ring from Frodo and give it to Boromir, on the condition that he kill his companions while they sleep. I would admit to offering to set up Legolas in a high end spa.
And would get caught offering Sam the chance to return home to the Shire if he steals the Ring from Frodo, and returns it to its creator/owner, Sauron.



1. Entice Gollum into sinking samd with raw fish
2. Draw Boromir into the path of the undead with the peomisnif the one ring
3. Trap Gimli in Moria and leave him to the balrog.

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: December 26th, 2016, 1:58 pm 
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I would have to admit to enticing Gollum into quicksand by luring him with raw fish but, only after I got caught drawing Boromir into the Paths of the Undead [sic] with the peomisnif [sic] the One Ring. However, I would never trap my favourite Dwarf, Gimli, in Moria and leave him to the Balrog.

1. (movie version) - Help the Nazgûl chase Arwen and Asfaloth as they carry Frodo to Imladris.
2. (movie version) - Help the Orcs waylay Haldir and the Galadhrim archers on the path to Helm's Deep.
3. Tell Sauron that two Hobbits and the creature that was tortured at Dol Guldur are on their way to the Black Gate.

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: December 26th, 2016, 11:42 pm 
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I would admit that I did Help the Nazgûl chase Arwen and Asfaloth as they carry Frodo to Imladris because then my two least favorite characters would not be there.... :P
I would never help the Orcs waylay Haldir and the Galadhrim archers on the path to Helm's Deep.
because I would have already got caught telling Sauron that two Hobbits and the creature that was tortured at Dol Guldur are on their way to the Black Gate.



1. Kidnap Rosie Cotton and hold her for ransom, demanding Sam bring you all he owns.
2. Slide a sleeping pill in Gimli's drink so he over sleeps the night before the Felowship sets out and misses the departure
3. Steal Elrond's crown and wear it around Bree

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: December 27th, 2016, 4:42 pm 
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I would never kidnap Rosie Cotton and hold her for ransom, demanding Sam bring me all he owns. I would admit to putting a sleeping pill in Gimli's drink so he over slept the night before the Fellowship departed, because I would be back in the slammer for stealing Elrond's crown and wearing it around Bree.

1. Assist Denethor in building the pyre he says he's going to use for grilling purposes.
2. Tell Faramir that his father is planning a barbecue and he's invited.
3. Tell the head cook in Denethor's kitchen to start marinating ribs and chicken for this newfangled barbecue thing.

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: December 27th, 2016, 8:29 pm 
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I would never assist Denethor in building the pyre he says he's going to use for grilling purposes, because I would be off (admittedly so) telling Faramir that his father is planning a barbecue and he's invited. After this I would be caught telling the head cook in Denethor's kitchen to start marinating ribs and chicken for this newfangled barbecue thing.



1. Loot the battle field of Minas Tirith and sell anything you can get your hands on
2. Sell Gollum a new loin cloth, not telling him it is made of "Real Elvish Cloth"
3. Tell Sam that all the strawberries in the shire were killed and none will ever grow again

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: December 28th, 2016, 3:03 pm 
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I would never loot the battlefield of Minas Tirith, and sell anything I could get my hands on because it would be too gruesome. However, I would admit to selling Gollum a new loin cloth and not telling him it was made of "Real Elvish Cloth". When the cloth burned him, he ended up in the Houses of Healing. During the investigation that followed the incident, the authorities would come to interrogate me, and I would get caught telling Sam that all of the strawberries in the Shire were killed, and would never grow again, an outright lie.

1. Steal Andúril and sell it on Ebay.
2. Photograph Boromir's death and upload the pictures to Instagram.
3. Tweet that Aragorn and Arwen have gone their separate ways, because Aragorn was allegedly caught in a compromising position with Éowyn.

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: December 28th, 2016, 8:01 pm 
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I would admit that I did steal Andúril and sell it on Ebay.
I would never photograph Boromir's death and upload the pictures to Instagram because I would be too busy getting caught tweeting that Aragorn and Arwen have gone their separate ways, because Aragorn was allegedly caught in a compromising position with Éowyn and laughing at the hysteria it causes.


1. Tell Pippin that farmer Magot WANTS him to take all his crops
2. Tell farmer Magot that the sherif and needlehole is the one taling all his crops.
3. Tell the sheeif at Needlehole that farmer magot is destrpying all his crops and blaming people for stealing them because he is loosing his faculties.

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: January 2nd, 2017, 10:52 pm 
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I would never tell Pippin that Farmer Maggot wanted him to take all of his crops because I doubt he would believe me. On the other hand I would admit to telling Farmer Maggot that the Shirriff at Needlehole were taking his crops, after I got caught telling the Shirriff at Needlehole that Farmer Maggot is destroying his crops and blaming people for stealing them because he's losing his faculties.

1. Hold a birthday party for Éowyn and set of firecrackers inside the Golden Hall of Meduseld.
2. Let Sauron know that the White Council is onto him and his pseudonym of 'The Necromancer'.
3. Tell Gimli that Legolas is spreading rumours about his beard being false.

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: January 3rd, 2017, 10:17 pm 
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I would get caught holding a birthday party for Éowyn and set of firecrackers inside the Golden Hall of Meduseld.
I would never let Sauron know that the White Council is onto him and his pseudonym of 'The Necromancer'. At Eowyn's birthday party I would then admit to telling Gimli that Legolas is spreading rumours about his beard being false.



1. Replace all the kitchenware in Edoras with plasticware
2. Treat the wood for the beacons between Rohan and Gondor with a fire resistant coating
3. Slap Shagrat and call him a sissy

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: January 4th, 2017, 1:30 pm 
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I would get caught treating the wood for all of the beacons between Rohan and Gondor with a fire resistant coating and, under rigorous questioning in the dungeons of Edoras, I would admit that, yes, it was I who replaced all of the kitchenware in Edoras with plasticware. However, I would never, under any conceivable circumstances, slap Shagrat and call him a sissy because I value my existence despite being stuck in various dungeons on a too-frequent basis.

1. Ride with Fingolfin to Angband and taunt Morgoth's masculinity as a ploy to "help" the High King.
2. Tell Thranduil that his son and heir has married a bearded dwarf-maiden.
3. Let Smaug know that a thrush has revealed his secret, and Bard the Bowman is laying in wait with a special black arrow.

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