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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: January 8th, 2017, 2:40 pm 
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I would admit that I did ride with Fingolfin to Angband and taunt Morgoth's masculinity as a ploy to "help" the High King.
I would then be caught telling Thranduil that his son and heir has married a bearded dwarf-maiden.
I would never let Smaug know that a thrush has revealed his secret, and Bard the Bowman is laying in wait with a special black arrow.

1. Set up an arranged mariage between Rosie Cotton and Golum
2. Feed Brego too much and give him a stomach ache so he can not be ridden to battle
3. Secretly take the One Ring out into the ocean on an elvin ship and throw it into the deepest part of the ocean so it can not be recovered OR destroyed

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: January 23rd, 2017, 10:13 pm 
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I would never set up an arranged marriage between Rosie Cotton and Gollum because the girl deserves Sam.

I admit to feeding Brego too much and giving him a stomach ache so that he was unable to be ridden into battle. after I had been caught taking the One Ring out into the ocean on an Elvin ship, and throwing into the deepest part of the ocean so that it could not be recovered, or destroyed.

1. Tell Théoden King that Éomer Éadig is about to grab the throne because he thinks his uncle is under some sort of spell.
2. Arrange a marriage between Éowyn and Denethor's eldest son, Boromir.
3. Act as a go between while Aragorn "negotiates" with the Mouth of Sauron.

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: January 23rd, 2017, 10:48 pm 
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I would never tell Théoden King that Éomer Éadig is about to grab the throne because he thinks his uncle is under some sort of spell. I would be too busy arranging a marriage between Éowyn and Denethor's eldest son, Boromir. Then... to get out of the madness of wedding planning I would have to admit to volunteering to act as a go between while Aragorn "negotiates" with the Mouth of Sauron.



1. Steal giant horn from Helms Deep
2. Throw Gimli's helmet into the falls of Rauros
3. Tell Aragorn that Gimli has drown and point out his vanishing helmet as it sinks in the river

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: January 24th, 2017, 4:07 pm 
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Nicely done, Jax!

I would never try to steal the giant horn from Helm's Deep because it's, well, gigantic, and I wouldn't be able to move it, but I would be happy to throw Gimli's helmet into the falls of Rauros. I would get caught later when I tried to tell Aragorn that Gimli has drowned by pointing to his helmet as it vanishes over the falls and sinks beneath the water, but only because I failed to notice Gimli standing behind him.

1. Steal all of the food from the kitchens in the palace at Minas Tirith just before Aragorn and Arwen's nuptials.
2. Tell Legolas that Gimli has stolen Aragorn's heirloom winged crown .
3. Send the four hobbits on a fool's errand that will take them away from the wedding so that Aragorn can't acknowledge them after the wedding.

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: January 24th, 2017, 11:28 pm 
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:D


First I would admit to stealing all of the food from the kitchens in the palace at Minas Tirith just before Aragorn and Arwen's nuptials.
I would never get the chance to tell Legolas that Gimli has stolen Aragorn's heirloom winged crown because I am still admitting to the first in order to detract from the fact that I was just caught sending the four hobbits on a fool's errand (Which was previously supposed to frame them for stealing all the food) that will take them away from the wedding so that Aragorn can't acknowledge them after the wedding.



1. Sneak into the legal documents just before they are official and change Arwen and Aragorn's son's name to Yamalamasue.
2. Laugh maniacally at Boromir when he cuts his finger on the shards of Narsil.
3. Con Elrond into giving you his Library under the pretense of being a "preserver" of knowledge, and then start charging people to enter.

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: January 25th, 2017, 2:21 pm 
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I would never be able to sneak into any legal documents before they are official, much less into the one where I might change Aragorn and Arwen's son's name to Yamalamasue. Not because of any lack of desire on my part, but because Boromir tied me to a chair after I got caught laughing maniacally at him when he cut his finger on the shards of Narsil. His threats were so terrifying, I found myself admitting that I conned Elrond into giving me his library under the guise of being a 'preserver of knowledge'. I would also have to admit that I was the one who started charging people for the use of the library.

1. Tell Lúthien that her father has sent Beren to meet Carcharoth without any type of weapons.
2. Tell Elendil that he has nothing to worry about if Sauron convinces Ar-Pharazon to sail to Valinor.
3. Try to convince Ossë to sink Ar-Pharazon's ship before it gets to Valinor.

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: January 26th, 2017, 11:19 pm 
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Hehe, nice


I would get caught telling Lúthien that her father has sent Beren to meet Carcharoth without any type of weapons. I would never tell Elendil that he has nothing to worry about if Sauron convinces Ar-Pharazon to sail to Valinor. Because his ship has already set sail so I would then be forced to admit that I did try to convince Ossë to sink Ar-Pharazon's ship before it gets to Valinor.



1. Sell "half price" lamb chops in the Bree market to unsuspecting travelers who don't realize they are half price because they only get half the lamb chop!
2. Raid the dumpster at the Prancing Pony and use the discarded food items to make soup and also sell in the market place to unsuspecting travelers.
3. Run through Bree on the hour, every hour (even at night) screaming at the top of your lungs, "The Indians are coming!!! The Indians are Coming!!!"

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: January 27th, 2017, 3:00 pm 
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Oh dear! I would get caught selling "half-pice" lamb chops in the Bree market to unsuspecting travellers when they opened their packages and found only half a chop. I would, then, be intimidated by the angry shoppers into admitting I raided the Prancing Pony dumpster to find items of discarded food I could use to make the soup I was selling them at the market. But, alas, I would never get the opportunity to run through Bree, every hour on the hour, screaming at the top of my lungs: "The Indians are coming! The Indians are coming!", because of my incarceration in the Bree gaol on charges of peddling "unsavoury goods" at the market.

1. Steal Éowyn's pot of stew and sell it to shoppers in the market at Edoras under the guise of it being "authentic elvish" stew.
2. Steal Éomer's armour and melt it down to mint new coins with Gríma's visage on one side, and Saruman's on the other side.
3. Steal all the horses in the stables at Meduseld and sell them to a band of travelling gypsies.

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: January 31st, 2017, 10:19 pm 
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I would never tteal Éowyn's pot of stew and sell it to shoppers in the market at Edoras under the guise of it being "authentic elvish" stew, because I probably wouldn't make any money doing that....
I would then be caught having stolen Éomer's armour and having melted it down to mint new coins with Gríma's visage on one side, and Saruman's on the other side. These, naturally, would become collectors items once the War of the Ring and Sauron's defeat!!
Since, however, I was caught... I would then be forced to admit to also stealing all the horses in the stables at Meduseld and sell them to a band of travelling gypsies.




1. Fish-Slap everyone who smiles in Rivendel. Elves are not supposed to smile!!!
2. Clean out the Bree stables and put the "rubbish" at the front gate for all visitors to walk past.
3. Sing Frodo a doomsday song of how the Ring will Destroy him and take his life.

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: February 2nd, 2017, 3:11 pm 
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I would never fish-slap everyone who smiles in Rivendell on the grounds elves are not supposed to smile, because those self-same elves are mighty handy with the weapons they carry.

I would have to admit to cleaning out the Bree stables, and putting the "rubbish" at the front gate for the aromatic pleasure visitors passing through it, but only because I got caught singing Frodo a doomsday song of how the Ring will destroy him and take his life. Blasted wimp of a hobbit cried so loudly it attracted too much attention, and the authorities came to see what was happening, otherwise I would have gotten away with it, and my wee "prank" at the gate.

1. Sell all of the ale at the Green Dragon to a band of passing Orcs.
2. Tell Barliman Butterbur the Ivy Bush is discounting its ale prices to steal his patrons.
3. Buy the Golden Perch and turn it into a chi-chi coffee house with nightly folk music.

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: February 2nd, 2017, 9:36 pm 
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I would admit that I did sell all of the ale at the Green Dragon to a band of passing Orcs. Though I would never tell Barliman Butterbur the Ivy Bush is discounting its ale prices to steal his patrons. because I would be too busy buying the Golden Perch and turn it into a chi-chi coffee house with nightly folk music... and no doubt would get caught since I would advertise all over middle earth!


1. Tell the goblins that Hobbits taste like chicken
2. Tell the Hobbits that Goblins taste like chicken
3. Throw all the hobbits and Goblins in a pit to let them "hash" it out among themselves.

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: February 2nd, 2017, 10:26 pm 
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:lol:

I might tell the goblins that hobbits taste like chicken if I were under threat of being slain and there were a couple handily near by, but I would never tell the hobbits that goblins that like chicken, because the actually taste like really old mutton. All these machinations would be revealed when I was caught throwing all the hobbits and goblins into a pit and telling them to "hash" it out amongst themselves.

1. Steal the Troll's hoard and blame it on Smaug.
2. Invite all of the giant spiders in Mirkwood into Thranduil's palace and tell him they're Legolas' pets.
3. Invite the Watcher in the Water to take up residence in the largest pool in the gardens at the palace of Minas Tirith.

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: February 3rd, 2017, 8:20 pm 
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I would admit to stealing the Troll's hoard and blaming it on Smaug.
Shortly after I would get caught inviting all of the giant spiders in Mirkwood into Thranduil's palace and tell him they're Legolas' pets... and blame that on Smaug also... why not?!
I would not, however, invite the Watcher in the Water to take up residence in the largest pool in the gardens at the palace of Minas Tirith... because since they didn't buy my story about Smaug being to blame on the first two accounts I figure there is no point trying a third time.


1. Offer the Hobbits Rootbear but don't tell them how to make it, thus creating a love for rootbear and you being the only one who can make it and thus sell it... then get rich off hobbits.
2. Buy Helms Deep with a fake "inherited" fortune and then sell it to the highest bidder, creating a real fortune!
3. Shove a cotton swab up the noses of all the patrons in the Prancing Pony because your get rich quick schemes didn't work and you are annoyed.

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: February 4th, 2017, 2:51 pm 
Balrog
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I would never offer the Hobbits root-beer and not tell them how to make it so I could get rich selling it to them when they become addicted to it because I'm sure some enterprising Hobbit would quickly figure out the ingredients and ruin my plans to make a huge profit off the enterprise.

I would, however, buy Helm's Deep with a fake inheritance and then sell it to the highest bidder and thereby make a true fortune.

Unfortunately, the true fortune would turn out to be another fake inheritance which would annoy me enough that I would start shoving cotton swabs up the noses of all the patrons in the Prancing Pony.

Barliman Butterbur, being truly fond of his patrons, would report me to the authorities and my nefarious schemes would come to light under their questioning .... beside I have a bit of a reputation with them, having spent untold hours confined in the local gaol for other shenanigans.

1. Remove all of the books and manuscripts from Elrond's library and offer them to the library of Minas Tirith under the guise of them being left to you by a favourite aunt.
2. Offer to help the Witch-king gain access to Minas Tirith by distracting Gandalf, and opening the gates.
3. Sign on as chef at the Golden Perch and then proceed to poison everyone with "mushrooms" you have picked yourself.

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: February 4th, 2017, 3:33 pm 
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Ohh, a history with the local authorities eh? :sly: lol



I would admit that I did remove all of the books and manuscripts from Elrond's library and offer them to the library of Minas Tirith under the guise of them being left to you by a favourite aunt. That way I could get inside the city and get caught trying to fulfill my offer to help the Witch-king gain access to Minas Tirith by distracting Gandalf, and opening the gates. In which case my devious plans to sign on as chef at the Golden Perch and then proceed to poison everyone with "mushrooms" you have picked yourself, would come to no fruition because I would never make it that far.


1. Give Aragorn long lasting helium and make him talk like a chipmunk right before he speaks with the Mouth of Sauron
2. Tell Treabeard he's just an "Old rotten log"
3. Push Grima into Sauruman's bomb as he hovers over it with the candle and explode the device inside the tower

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 Post subject: Re: LOTR crimes
PostPosted: February 4th, 2017, 11:29 pm 
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Let me rearrange the order of things .....

I would never tell Treebeard that he's just an "old rotten log" because he just might step on me.

However, I love to get caught for giving Aragorn long-lasting helium right before he speaks with the Mouth of Sauron so he sounds like a chipmunk, but that would would mean admitting that I pushed Gríma into Saruman's bomb as he hovered over it with the candle, which cause the explosion of the device with it was still inside the tower.

1. Meet Haldir before he has the chance to greet Aragorn and tell him to go home because he's going to get killed during the battle.
2. Use a spell so that the Elven archers can't understand Aragorn's orders, and start shooting at the Rohirrim instead of the Orcs.
3. Toss Gimli into the Orc fighters rather than across the gap.

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