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 Post subject: The Lay of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam
PostPosted: November 4th, 2006, 9:05 pm 
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    The Lay of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam


    Listen, O my children
    And take careful heed
    Lest you fall
    Into this greatest misdeed

    Of Fanfiction writers,
    And Role-Players, too.

    It is of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam
    Those names so horrible to hear
    But that, alas, I fear we all
    Have written,
    Some day or other.

    Mary-Sue takes many forms,
    All name exotic she loves
    Her hair is long
    In shades of gold,
    Or perhaps of bright shining red.

    Whatever the color, it shimmers and sparkles
    And its equal has yet to be found.
    Her skin is so clear!
    Her complexion so white!
    Like a diamond displayed in the moonlight.

    She is tall and beautiful, belovéd by all
    Her eyes are an emerald green,
    Her clothes always shimmer
    And sway in the breeze
    Even if they be made of leather!

    Skilled and deadly in the arts of war,
    Her bow and her sword always are near
    Her aim is so true,
    And her quiver never empties,
    And she is never at lack
    Of a quip to her enemies.

    Now, my children, I turn to Marty-Sam
    Lesser the known,
    Much more the deadly.

    Marty-Sam is ever so handsome,
    But in a tasteful, dark kind of way,
    "Authority? What's that?
    Am I some kind of prat?"
    (But then, one day he will be king.)

    He is clothed all in black, so dashing and smart
    His sword has a hilt of silver,
    So rich, so beautiful, this weapon of war,
    And it's name is, of course, unpronounceable.

    Marty-Sam and Mary-Sue, both warriors, both handsome
    Their foes fear them the most
    Mary-Sue is the Elven Ranger,
    Marty-Sam, a lonely warrior, searching for something…

    It is Mary-Sue he is seeking!
    Oh, wonderful day,
    When he finds her and holds her a heartbeat away!

    O, how they love each other!
    Their joy has no bounds!
    But wait! What is this!
    Who can this be?

    The Villain! Oh No! For it doth seem to me
    That he loves Mary-Sue, but not very nicely.
    Oh horror!
    Oh dread!

    Now it is time, his heroine kidnapped!
    Marty-Sam girds up his sword,
    And leaps on his steed, a stallion it seems,
    A horse just as black as the night.

    Mary-Sue, meanwhile, will not ever give in!
    "Marty-Sam loves me," she cries.
    Seeing his pervertedness
    Will not win the day,
    The Villain gets angry! Oh no!

    Marty, hearing his heroine cry from a lonely tower
    In a castle all covered in vines,
    Jumps from the saddle, and begins to climb
    Hoping his love will be fine.

    Not to fear, Marty, 'cause Mary's quite well,
    For in time she suddenly remembers:
    She's a warrior! She's strong!
    No one can deny
    It is with great skill that she steals her foe's sword.

    Holding it to his throat, Mary-Sue proclaims
    That she is free, she is mighty, and no villain can win!
    Oh no!
    Because this is a sappy fanfic, or role-play, or…
    whatever.

    Just at that moment, Marty-Sam arrives!
    He must rescue his heroine!
    He must! He must!

    Sword shining brightly, it comes down with force,
    But wait! What on earth? This just isn't right!

    Mary-Sue, if you'll kindly remember, has just rescued herself!
    Is holding a sword
    To the villain's neck!

    Oh dear.
    Oh dear me.

    Marty-Sam's sword has found it's mark, but alas!
    It also is where
    Our Heroine just happens to stand
    and it seems that
    Her head, as well as the villain's
    is cut cleanly off of her rest.

    Marty-Sam stands there, transfixed with horror
    This isn't how it's supposed to end!
    He cries to the sky
    "Oh, please, take my life!
    For I have along with mine enemy destroyed my love!"
    With that, and with a final kiss blown
    To Mary, Marty leaps from the window and the tower so tall.

    So please, oh my children, take my advise.
    Never, oh never,
    No, please never write
    Of Mary-Sue
    And her Marty-Sam.

    ~Fin.




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 Post subject:
PostPosted: November 6th, 2006, 9:08 pm 
Kallisti
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so this means to make original characters that have flaws and that lots of people like becuause they are flawed and original?


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PostPosted: December 13th, 2006, 9:30 am 
Gondorian
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Haha, 'tis brilliant! :laugh: Let that be a warning to all Mary-Sues and Marty-Sams out there. :P

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PostPosted: January 29th, 2007, 4:05 pm 
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Indeed! A very fun piece. It seems like there is always at least one person in every roleplay I participate in that has these characters and tries to get the story to turn into their romance plot. ;) Very cute.

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 Post subject: Re: The Lay of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam
PostPosted: September 23rd, 2012, 4:34 am 
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So, there’s this girl. She’s tragically orphaned and richer than anyone on the planet. Every guy she meets falls in love with her, but in between torrid romances she rejects them all because she dedicated to what is Pure and Good. She has genius level intellect, Olympic-athelete level athletic ability and incredible good looks. She is consumed by terrible angst, but this only makes guys want her more. She has no superhuman abilities, yet she is more competent than her superhuman friends and defeats superhumans with ease. She has unshakably loyal friends and allies, despite the fact she treats them pretty badly. They fear and respect her, and defer to her orders. Everyone is obsessed with her, even her enemies are attracted to her. She can plan ahead for anything and she’s generally right with any conclusion she makes. People who defy her are inevitably wrong.

God, what a Mary Sue!

I just described Batman.


Thought I would share this essay.
Read the rest here

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 Post subject: Re: The Lay of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam
PostPosted: October 15th, 2012, 10:37 pm 
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b-b-b-b-batman!!!

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