Haha, 'tis brilliant!
Let that be a warning to all Mary-Sues and Marty-Sams out there. 
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| The Lay of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam http://www.arwen-undomiel.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=16&t=12211 |
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| Author: | Arsarniel [ November 4th, 2006, 9:05 pm ] |
| Post subject: | The Lay of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam |
Listen, O my children And take careful heed Lest you fall Into this greatest misdeed Of Fanfiction writers, And Role-Players, too. It is of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam Those names so horrible to hear But that, alas, I fear we all Have written, Some day or other. Mary-Sue takes many forms, All name exotic she loves Her hair is long In shades of gold, Or perhaps of bright shining red. Whatever the color, it shimmers and sparkles And its equal has yet to be found. Her skin is so clear! Her complexion so white! Like a diamond displayed in the moonlight. She is tall and beautiful, belovéd by all Her eyes are an emerald green, Her clothes always shimmer And sway in the breeze Even if they be made of leather! Skilled and deadly in the arts of war, Her bow and her sword always are near Her aim is so true, And her quiver never empties, And she is never at lack Of a quip to her enemies. Now, my children, I turn to Marty-Sam Lesser the known, Much more the deadly. Marty-Sam is ever so handsome, But in a tasteful, dark kind of way, "Authority? What's that? Am I some kind of prat?" (But then, one day he will be king.) He is clothed all in black, so dashing and smart His sword has a hilt of silver, So rich, so beautiful, this weapon of war, And it's name is, of course, unpronounceable. Marty-Sam and Mary-Sue, both warriors, both handsome Their foes fear them the most Mary-Sue is the Elven Ranger, Marty-Sam, a lonely warrior, searching for something… It is Mary-Sue he is seeking! Oh, wonderful day, When he finds her and holds her a heartbeat away! O, how they love each other! Their joy has no bounds! But wait! What is this! Who can this be? The Villain! Oh No! For it doth seem to me That he loves Mary-Sue, but not very nicely. Oh horror! Oh dread! Now it is time, his heroine kidnapped! Marty-Sam girds up his sword, And leaps on his steed, a stallion it seems, A horse just as black as the night. Mary-Sue, meanwhile, will not ever give in! "Marty-Sam loves me," she cries. Seeing his pervertedness Will not win the day, The Villain gets angry! Oh no! Marty, hearing his heroine cry from a lonely tower In a castle all covered in vines, Jumps from the saddle, and begins to climb Hoping his love will be fine. Not to fear, Marty, 'cause Mary's quite well, For in time she suddenly remembers: She's a warrior! She's strong! No one can deny It is with great skill that she steals her foe's sword. Holding it to his throat, Mary-Sue proclaims That she is free, she is mighty, and no villain can win! Oh no! Because this is a sappy fanfic, or role-play, or… whatever. Just at that moment, Marty-Sam arrives! He must rescue his heroine! He must! He must! Sword shining brightly, it comes down with force, But wait! What on earth? This just isn't right! Mary-Sue, if you'll kindly remember, has just rescued herself! Is holding a sword To the villain's neck! Oh dear. Oh dear me. Marty-Sam's sword has found it's mark, but alas! It also is where Our Heroine just happens to stand and it seems that Her head, as well as the villain's is cut cleanly off of her rest. Marty-Sam stands there, transfixed with horror This isn't how it's supposed to end! He cries to the sky "Oh, please, take my life! For I have along with mine enemy destroyed my love!" With that, and with a final kiss blown To Mary, Marty leaps from the window and the tower so tall. So please, oh my children, take my advise. Never, oh never, No, please never write Of Mary-Sue And her Marty-Sam. ~Fin. --------- Coming Soon to a forum near you... REVENGE OF THE CLICHES |
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| Author: | Dark, Queen of Angmar [ November 6th, 2006, 9:08 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
so this means to make original characters that have flaws and that lots of people like becuause they are flawed and original? |
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| Author: | Maralyn Imladiel [ December 13th, 2006, 9:30 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Haha, 'tis brilliant! Let that be a warning to all Mary-Sues and Marty-Sams out there.
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| Author: | FRODOFAN [ January 29th, 2007, 4:05 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Indeed! A very fun piece. It seems like there is always at least one person in every roleplay I participate in that has these characters and tries to get the story to turn into their romance plot.  Very cute.
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| Author: | Eä [ September 23rd, 2012, 4:34 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: The Lay of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam |
So, there’s this girl. She’s tragically orphaned and richer than anyone on the planet. Every guy she meets falls in love with her, but in between torrid romances she rejects them all because she dedicated to what is Pure and Good. She has genius level intellect, Olympic-athelete level athletic ability and incredible good looks. She is consumed by terrible angst, but this only makes guys want her more. She has no superhuman abilities, yet she is more competent than her superhuman friends and defeats superhumans with ease. She has unshakably loyal friends and allies, despite the fact she treats them pretty badly. They fear and respect her, and defer to her orders. Everyone is obsessed with her, even her enemies are attracted to her. She can plan ahead for anything and she’s generally right with any conclusion she makes. People who defy her are inevitably wrong. God, what a Mary Sue! I just described Batman. Thought I would share this essay. Read the rest here |
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| Author: | Lessien Greenleaf [ October 15th, 2012, 10:37 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: The Lay of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam |
b-b-b-b-batman!!! |
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