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 Post subject: The Lay of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam
PostPosted: November 4th, 2006, 9:05 pm 
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    The Lay of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam


    Listen, O my children
    And take careful heed
    Lest you fall
    Into this greatest misdeed

    Of Fanfiction writers,
    And Role-Players, too.

    It is of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam
    Those names so horrible to hear
    But that, alas, I fear we all
    Have written,
    Some day or other.

    Mary-Sue takes many forms,
    All name exotic she loves
    Her hair is long
    In shades of gold,
    Or perhaps of bright shining red.

    Whatever the color, it shimmers and sparkles
    And its equal has yet to be found.
    Her skin is so clear!
    Her complexion so white!
    Like a diamond displayed in the moonlight.

    She is tall and beautiful, belovéd by all
    Her eyes are an emerald green,
    Her clothes always shimmer
    And sway in the breeze
    Even if they be made of leather!

    Skilled and deadly in the arts of war,
    Her bow and her sword always are near
    Her aim is so true,
    And her quiver never empties,
    And she is never at lack
    Of a quip to her enemies.

    Now, my children, I turn to Marty-Sam
    Lesser the known,
    Much more the deadly.

    Marty-Sam is ever so handsome,
    But in a tasteful, dark kind of way,
    "Authority? What's that?
    Am I some kind of prat?"
    (But then, one day he will be king.)

    He is clothed all in black, so dashing and smart
    His sword has a hilt of silver,
    So rich, so beautiful, this weapon of war,
    And it's name is, of course, unpronounceable.

    Marty-Sam and Mary-Sue, both warriors, both handsome
    Their foes fear them the most
    Mary-Sue is the Elven Ranger,
    Marty-Sam, a lonely warrior, searching for something…

    It is Mary-Sue he is seeking!
    Oh, wonderful day,
    When he finds her and holds her a heartbeat away!

    O, how they love each other!
    Their joy has no bounds!
    But wait! What is this!
    Who can this be?

    The Villain! Oh No! For it doth seem to me
    That he loves Mary-Sue, but not very nicely.
    Oh horror!
    Oh dread!

    Now it is time, his heroine kidnapped!
    Marty-Sam girds up his sword,
    And leaps on his steed, a stallion it seems,
    A horse just as black as the night.

    Mary-Sue, meanwhile, will not ever give in!
    "Marty-Sam loves me," she cries.
    Seeing his pervertedness
    Will not win the day,
    The Villain gets angry! Oh no!

    Marty, hearing his heroine cry from a lonely tower
    In a castle all covered in vines,
    Jumps from the saddle, and begins to climb
    Hoping his love will be fine.

    Not to fear, Marty, 'cause Mary's quite well,
    For in time she suddenly remembers:
    She's a warrior! She's strong!
    No one can deny
    It is with great skill that she steals her foe's sword.

    Holding it to his throat, Mary-Sue proclaims
    That she is free, she is mighty, and no villain can win!
    Oh no!
    Because this is a sappy fanfic, or role-play, or…
    whatever.

    Just at that moment, Marty-Sam arrives!
    He must rescue his heroine!
    He must! He must!

    Sword shining brightly, it comes down with force,
    But wait! What on earth? This just isn't right!

    Mary-Sue, if you'll kindly remember, has just rescued herself!
    Is holding a sword
    To the villain's neck!

    Oh dear.
    Oh dear me.

    Marty-Sam's sword has found it's mark, but alas!
    It also is where
    Our Heroine just happens to stand
    and it seems that
    Her head, as well as the villain's
    is cut cleanly off of her rest.

    Marty-Sam stands there, transfixed with horror
    This isn't how it's supposed to end!
    He cries to the sky
    "Oh, please, take my life!
    For I have along with mine enemy destroyed my love!"
    With that, and with a final kiss blown
    To Mary, Marty leaps from the window and the tower so tall.

    So please, oh my children, take my advise.
    Never, oh never,
    No, please never write
    Of Mary-Sue
    And her Marty-Sam.

    ~Fin.




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Coming Soon to a forum near you...


REVENGE OF THE CLICHES

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: November 26th, 2006, 11:49 pm 
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wow that was amazing!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: December 24th, 2006, 5:24 pm 
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W000000T HELL YEAH YOU GO GIRL

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: January 2nd, 2007, 9:15 am 


A most appropriate story, and precautionary tale, for those making their first foray into writing.

And a subtle and humorous reminder for veteran writers, lest we forget.

Thank you, so very much!!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: February 16th, 2007, 3:54 pm 
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Beautifull images!!

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: May 13th, 2007, 11:19 am 
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Very Interesting...

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PostPosted: May 30th, 2007, 8:28 am 
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*applauds*

Thanks for this reminder!

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 Post subject: Re: The Lay of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam
PostPosted: November 30th, 2017, 4:38 pm 
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By all the gods and hells, YAAAAASSSSSSS!

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 Post subject: Re: The Lay of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam
PostPosted: December 22nd, 2017, 7:01 pm 
Dunedain Ranger of Arnor
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Arsarniel wrote:

The Lay of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam


Listen, O my children
And take careful heed
Lest you fall
Into this greatest misdeed

Of Fanfiction writers,
And Role-Players, too.

It is of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam
Those names so horrible to hear
But that, alas, I fear we all
Have written,
Some day or other.

Mary-Sue takes many forms,
All name exotic she loves
Her hair is long
In shades of gold,
Or perhaps of bright shining red.

Whatever the color, it shimmers and sparkles
And its equal has yet to be found.
Her skin is so clear!
Her complexion so white!
Like a diamond displayed in the moonlight.

She is tall and beautiful, belovéd by all
Her eyes are an emerald green,
Her clothes always shimmer
And sway in the breeze
Even if they be made of leather!

Skilled and deadly in the arts of war,
Her bow and her sword always are near
Her aim is so true,
And her quiver never empties,
And she is never at lack
Of a quip to her enemies.

Now, my children, I turn to Marty-Sam
Lesser the known,
Much more the deadly.

Marty-Sam is ever so handsome,
But in a tasteful, dark kind of way,
"Authority? What's that?
Am I some kind of prat?"
(But then, one day he will be king.)

He is clothed all in black, so dashing and smart
His sword has a hilt of silver,
So rich, so beautiful, this weapon of war,
And it's name is, of course, unpronounceable.

Marty-Sam and Mary-Sue, both warriors, both handsome
Their foes fear them the most
Mary-Sue is the Elven Ranger,
Marty-Sam, a lonely warrior, searching for something…

It is Mary-Sue he is seeking!
Oh, wonderful day,
When he finds her and holds her a heartbeat away!

O, how they love each other!
Their joy has no bounds!
But wait! What is this!
Who can this be?

The Villain! Oh No! For it doth seem to me
That he loves Mary-Sue, but not very nicely.
Oh horror!
Oh dread!

Now it is time, his heroine kidnapped!
Marty-Sam girds up his sword,
And leaps on his steed, a stallion it seems,
A horse just as black as the night.

Mary-Sue, meanwhile, will not ever give in!
"Marty-Sam loves me," she cries.
Seeing his pervertedness
Will not win the day,
The Villain gets angry! Oh no!

Marty, hearing his heroine cry from a lonely tower
In a castle all covered in vines,
Jumps from the saddle, and begins to climb
Hoping his love will be fine.

Not to fear, Marty, 'cause Mary's quite well,
For in time she suddenly remembers:
She's a warrior! She's strong!
No one can deny
It is with great skill that she steals her foe's sword.

Holding it to his throat, Mary-Sue proclaims
That she is free, she is mighty, and no villain can win!
Oh no!
Because this is a sappy fanfic, or role-play, or…
whatever.

Just at that moment, Marty-Sam arrives!
He must rescue his heroine!
He must! He must!

Sword shining brightly, it comes down with force,
But wait! What on earth? This just isn't right!

Mary-Sue, if you'll kindly remember, has just rescued herself!
Is holding a sword
To the villain's neck!

Oh dear.
Oh dear me.

Marty-Sam's sword has found it's mark, but alas!
It also is where
Our Heroine just happens to stand
and it seems that
Her head, as well as the villain's
is cut cleanly off of her rest.

Marty-Sam stands there, transfixed with horror
This isn't how it's supposed to end!
He cries to the sky
"Oh, please, take my life!
For I have along with mine enemy destroyed my love!"
With that, and with a final kiss blown
To Mary, Marty leaps from the window and the tower so tall.

So please, oh my children, take my advise.
Never, oh never,
No, please never write
Of Mary-Sue
And her Marty-Sam.

~Fin.




---------

Coming Soon to a forum near you...


REVENGE OF THE CLICHES


Very Good! Cracketh Me Up!

Funding must have been cut for the Revenge of the Cliches (or is that Clichés?). Maybe Jeter Jackson will make it into a movie. :lol:

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of The Black Company of the Dúnedain,
The Free Company of Arnor


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


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 Post subject: Re: The Lay of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam
PostPosted: December 24th, 2017, 11:48 pm 
Dunadan
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Quote:
"You don’t need princes to save you. I don’t have a lot of patience for stories in which women are rescued by men."


Neil Gaiman - all round awesome writer and crafter of fascinating tales.

Have to say that it took me a while to realise this in my own writing. Again and again I was falling back on cultural and social tropes, as we are none of us immune from our social conditioning. Now...now I work to push myself in characterisation to avoid such conceits. Creating female characters that are nuanced to be unapologetically strong, practical or tough whilst also being real (flawed)...and male characters that are nuanced beyond the typical male hero stereotype, is what I try to do.

Getting that balance right for an engaging character that is intriguing to write and read - well suffice it say that I spend a lot more time on characterisation than I ever used to when I started writing 15 or so years ago. Despite that, still haven't managed to crack that nut to my satisfaction.

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