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 Post subject: The Lay of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam
PostPosted: November 4th, 2006, 9:05 pm 
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Joined: 05 May 2005
Posts: 695
Location: Somewhere far, far away...

    The Lay of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam

    Listen, O my children
    And take careful heed
    Lest you fall
    Into this greatest misdeed

    Of Fanfiction writers,
    And Role-Players, too.

    It is of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam
    Those names so horrible to hear
    But that, alas, I fear we all
    Have written,
    Some day or other.

    Mary-Sue takes many forms,
    All name exotic she loves
    Her hair is long
    In shades of gold,
    Or perhaps of bright shining red.

    Whatever the color, it shimmers and sparkles
    And its equal has yet to be found.
    Her skin is so clear!
    Her complexion so white!
    Like a diamond displayed in the moonlight.

    She is tall and beautiful, belovéd by all
    Her eyes are an emerald green,
    Her clothes always shimmer
    And sway in the breeze
    Even if they be made of leather!

    Skilled and deadly in the arts of war,
    Her bow and her sword always are near
    Her aim is so true,
    And her quiver never empties,
    And she is never at lack
    Of a quip to her enemies.

    Now, my children, I turn to Marty-Sam
    Lesser the known,
    Much more the deadly.

    Marty-Sam is ever so handsome,
    But in a tasteful, dark kind of way,
    "Authority? What's that?
    Am I some kind of prat?"
    (But then, one day he will be king.)

    He is clothed all in black, so dashing and smart
    His sword has a hilt of silver,
    So rich, so beautiful, this weapon of war,
    And it's name is, of course, unpronounceable.

    Marty-Sam and Mary-Sue, both warriors, both handsome
    Their foes fear them the most
    Mary-Sue is the Elven Ranger,
    Marty-Sam, a lonely warrior, searching for something…

    It is Mary-Sue he is seeking!
    Oh, wonderful day,
    When he finds her and holds her a heartbeat away!

    O, how they love each other!
    Their joy has no bounds!
    But wait! What is this!
    Who can this be?

    The Villain! Oh No! For it doth seem to me
    That he loves Mary-Sue, but not very nicely.
    Oh horror!
    Oh dread!

    Now it is time, his heroine kidnapped!
    Marty-Sam girds up his sword,
    And leaps on his steed, a stallion it seems,
    A horse just as black as the night.

    Mary-Sue, meanwhile, will not ever give in!
    "Marty-Sam loves me," she cries.
    Seeing his pervertedness
    Will not win the day,
    The Villain gets angry! Oh no!

    Marty, hearing his heroine cry from a lonely tower
    In a castle all covered in vines,
    Jumps from the saddle, and begins to climb
    Hoping his love will be fine.

    Not to fear, Marty, 'cause Mary's quite well,
    For in time she suddenly remembers:
    She's a warrior! She's strong!
    No one can deny
    It is with great skill that she steals her foe's sword.

    Holding it to his throat, Mary-Sue proclaims
    That she is free, she is mighty, and no villain can win!
    Oh no!
    Because this is a sappy fanfic, or role-play, or…

    Just at that moment, Marty-Sam arrives!
    He must rescue his heroine!
    He must! He must!

    Sword shining brightly, it comes down with force,
    But wait! What on earth? This just isn't right!

    Mary-Sue, if you'll kindly remember, has just rescued herself!
    Is holding a sword
    To the villain's neck!

    Oh dear.
    Oh dear me.

    Marty-Sam's sword has found it's mark, but alas!
    It also is where
    Our Heroine just happens to stand
    and it seems that
    Her head, as well as the villain's
    is cut cleanly off of her rest.

    Marty-Sam stands there, transfixed with horror
    This isn't how it's supposed to end!
    He cries to the sky
    "Oh, please, take my life!
    For I have along with mine enemy destroyed my love!"
    With that, and with a final kiss blown
    To Mary, Marty leaps from the window and the tower so tall.

    So please, oh my children, take my advise.
    Never, oh never,
    No, please never write
    Of Mary-Sue
    And her Marty-Sam.



Coming Soon to a forum near you...



~I am a Shieldmaiden for Christ!~
Doll base

 Post subject:
PostPosted: November 26th, 2006, 11:49 pm 
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Joined: 26 November 2006
Posts: 4503
Location: USA

wow that was amazing!

 Post subject:
PostPosted: December 24th, 2006, 5:24 pm 
Tolkien Scholar
Tolkien Scholar
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Joined: 24 January 2006
Posts: 7390
Country: United Kingdom (uk)


Made by Lembas

 Post subject:
PostPosted: January 2nd, 2007, 9:15 am 

A most appropriate story, and precautionary tale, for those making their first foray into writing.

And a subtle and humorous reminder for veteran writers, lest we forget.

Thank you, so very much!!

 Post subject:
PostPosted: February 16th, 2007, 3:54 pm 
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Joined: 17 November 2006
Posts: 88
Location: Holland, MI USA
Gender: Female

Beautifull images!!


~The Beloved A-U Gentlewoman ~


 Post subject:
PostPosted: May 13th, 2007, 11:19 am 
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Joined: 29 September 2006
Posts: 265

Very Interesting...

Formerly Known As MysticsAngel, *Arya*, Nessa Eledhwen, and Lyra Silvertongue. (I know. I change my name a lot...)

Thanks to Revenge for the banners!

 Post subject:
PostPosted: May 30th, 2007, 8:28 am 
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Joined: 14 November 2005
Posts: 913
Location: USA


Thanks for this reminder!


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 Post subject: Re: The Lay of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam
PostPosted: November 30th, 2017, 4:38 pm 
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Joined: 01 November 2017
Posts: 90
Location: Southern Hemisphere
Country: Australia (au)
Gender: Female

By all the gods and hells, YAAAAASSSSSSS!

~Dancing 'twixt southern stars~

(other stuff too but my poetic license expired)

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