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before you write: The Lay of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam
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Author:  Arsarniel [ November 4th, 2006, 9:04 pm ]
Post subject:  before you write: The Lay of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam
    The Lay of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam


    Listen, O my children
    And take careful heed
    Lest you fall
    Into this greatest misdeed

    Of Fanfiction writers,
    And Role-Players, too.

    It is of Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam
    Those names so horrible to hear
    But that, alas, I fear we all
    Have written,
    Some day or other.

    Mary-Sue takes many forms,
    All name exotic she loves
    Her hair is long
    In shades of gold,
    Or perhaps of bright shining red.

    Whatever the color, it shimmers and sparkles
    And its equal has yet to be found.
    Her skin is so clear!
    Her complexion so white!
    Like a diamond displayed in the moonlight.

    She is tall and beautiful, belovéd by all
    Her eyes are an emerald green,
    Her clothes always shimmer
    And sway in the breeze
    Even if they be made of leather!

    Skilled and deadly in the arts of war,
    Her bow and her sword always are near
    Her aim is so true,
    And her quiver never empties,
    And she is never at lack
    Of a quip to her enemies.

    Now, my children, I turn to Marty-Sam
    Lesser the known,
    Much more the deadly.

    Marty-Sam is ever so handsome,
    But in a tasteful, dark kind of way,
    "Authority? What's that?
    Am I some kind of prat?"
    (But then, one day he will be king.)

    He is clothed all in black, so dashing and smart
    His sword has a hilt of silver,
    So rich, so beautiful, this weapon of war,
    And it's name is, of course, unpronounceable.

    Marty-Sam and Mary-Sue, both warriors, both handsome
    Their foes fear them the most
    Mary-Sue is the Elven Ranger,
    Marty-Sam, a lonely warrior, searching for something…

    It is Mary-Sue he is seeking!
    Oh, wonderful day,
    When he finds her and holds her a heartbeat away!

    O, how they love each other!
    Their joy has no bounds!
    But wait! What is this!
    Who can this be?

    The Villain! Oh No! For it doth seem to me
    That he loves Mary-Sue, but not very nicely.
    Oh horror!
    Oh dread!

    Now it is time, his heroine kidnapped!
    Marty-Sam girds up his sword,
    And leaps on his steed, a stallion it seems,
    A horse just as black as the night.

    Mary-Sue, meanwhile, will not ever give in!
    "Marty-Sam loves me," she cries.
    Seeing his pervertedness
    Will not win the day,
    The Villain gets angry! Oh no!

    Marty, hearing his heroine cry from a lonely tower
    In a castle all covered in vines,
    Jumps from the saddle, and begins to climb
    Hoping his love will be fine.

    Not to fear, Marty, 'cause Mary's quite well,
    For in time she suddenly remembers:
    She's a warrior! She's strong!
    No one can deny
    It is with great skill that she steals her foe's sword.

    Holding it to his throat, Mary-Sue proclaims
    That she is free, she is mighty, and no villain can win!
    Oh no!
    Because this is a sappy fanfic, or role-play, or…
    whatever.

    Just at that moment, Marty-Sam arrives!
    He must rescue his heroine!
    He must! He must!

    Sword shining brightly, it comes down with force,
    But wait! What on earth? This just isn't right!

    Mary-Sue, if you'll kindly remember, has just rescued herself!
    Is holding a sword
    To the villain's neck!

    Oh dear.
    Oh dear me.

    Marty-Sam's sword has found it's mark, but alas!
    It also is where
    Our Heroine just happens to stand
    and it seems that
    Her head, as well as the villain's
    is cut cleanly off of her rest.

    Marty-Sam stands there, transfixed with horror
    This isn't how it's supposed to end!
    He cries to the sky
    "Oh, please, take my life!
    For I have along with mine enemy destroyed my love!"
    With that, and with a final kiss blown
    To Mary, Marty leaps from the window and the tower so tall.

    So please, oh my children, take my advise.
    Never, oh never,
    No, please never write
    Of Mary-Sue
    And her Marty-Sam.

    ~Fin.




---------

Coming Soon to a forum near you...


REVENGE OF THE CLICHES
Author:  Caunion cyn Britannia [ November 4th, 2006, 9:16 pm ]
Post subject: 
LOL, I will make sure to take your advice....the Lay of Mary-Sue.....LOL
Author:  Meldawen [ November 4th, 2006, 9:20 pm ]
Post subject: 
Oh dear...*tries to stop giggling long enough to type* I have been warned...
Author:  Fencing Maiden [ November 4th, 2006, 11:06 pm ]
Post subject: 
*is overcome by a serious case of the ROTFLOL's*

Woah-ho! Fascinating, to the highest degree. Her head was cut clean off, you say? Goodness me. Poor elfy. Or elvey. Or whatever.

Great prose! I shall have to memorize it!
Author:  Meldawen [ November 4th, 2006, 11:09 pm ]
Post subject: 
"Authority? What's that?
Am I some kind of prat?"

:lol: That got me, I think my family thought I had gone temporarily insane sitting here giggling at the computer. Boy, I have been chastised....never again will I be taken in by Mary-Sue and Marty-Sam!
Author:  Star Gazer [ November 4th, 2006, 11:16 pm ]
Post subject: 
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: That was hilarious!! But all too true... I hath been warned.
Author:  Fencing Maiden [ November 4th, 2006, 11:31 pm ]
Post subject: 
Oh yeah, I just got that bit about it being a warning to us. :P but seeing as I usually play the dumb comic relief... or villian... yeah.

I know now.

I must never stand near Mary Sue!
Author:  Witch_King_of_Angmar [ November 5th, 2006, 12:00 am ]
Post subject: 
Fantastically true, I also reccomend this for rpers.....


http://www.springhole.net/quizzes/marysue.htm
Author:  Meldawen [ November 5th, 2006, 12:23 am ]
Post subject: 
Uh-oh, not good. Apparently I'm supposed to kill my character dead. Okay, time for a profile makeover!
Author:  pirateoftherings [ November 5th, 2006, 2:31 am ]
Post subject: 
Hehe...very nice. I have issues with Mary-Sues (meaning I don't like them, not that I ever write them). They're very challenging to RP next to, especially since I tend to play male roles and inevitably end up the object of some Mary-Sue's lusting (I even had to fend one off of Barbossa!). I'm decidedly uncooperative with their perfect nature and will do everything in my power to bring them down somehow. The only time I've ever created a Mary-Sue was for a series of fanfics I wrote using almost every cliche in the book, just to prove that a decent story could theoretically be written, even when centering it around over-used plotlines (but not a great story).
Author:  Anduril Vanlhach [ November 5th, 2006, 12:09 pm ]
Post subject: 
ahhhhh you know you're wonderful don't you m'dear. Thats exactly what seems to hapen in RP's invincible perfect charecters....i love you hehehehe
Author:  Anduril Vanlhach [ November 5th, 2006, 12:26 pm ]
Post subject: 
i just took the Mary-sue test for both of my charries in Star-Crystal....and i got 112.....
Author:  Aramel Elyanwe [ November 5th, 2006, 1:22 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
50+
Kill it dead. Or make sure you read the instructions properly (some people don't do this, which causes freakishly high scores) and take the test again.


^Uhh...I think I'll need to de-Mary-Sue-ify my charrie... :blush:

My final score was 124...
Author:  Raven Sparrow [ November 5th, 2006, 1:27 pm ]
Post subject: 
Phew..most of my characters so far need little adjustment, if any..*sigh of relief*
Author:  Witch_King_of_Angmar [ November 5th, 2006, 1:28 pm ]
Post subject: 
Mine scored a nine, woot! Best one yet for me.
Author:  Meldawen [ November 5th, 2006, 4:22 pm ]
Post subject: 
Mine was 84. It's hard, though, because on all the questions asking if my character was attractive or super-good with weapons I HAD to say yes, because Elves generally are. Hmm. I'll still have to do some de-Mary-Sue-ifying, though.
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