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 Post subject: Re: One Good Reason (Private RP)
PostPosted: February 9th, 2012, 12:53 pm 
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[I was kind of shocked at Guinevere's extreme emotions at first, as your post was so intense, Goldy! But it was very good! ;) ]


The faint sound of hooves drew closer and closer. A large group of riders was approaching the barn. Liam heard them coming, but didn’t know what to do. If he would leave the barn, he would not be able to slip away unnoticed, they would catch up with him and surely kill him, but by staying inside he wouldn’t be safe either.. He could hear their voices now.. the riders were shouting, but Liam couldn’t distinguish their words. He was looking around, frantically, for something to defend himself with, but there was nothing, except for a broken watering trough and a large ladder that led to the hayloft. Suddenly he smelled the penetrating smell of smoke and he heard the crackling sound of flames. Swiftly the fire spread, consuming the dry reed of the barn roof. Gasping for air, Liam ran to the barn door, which was the only way out of the sea of flames, but he couldn’t open the doors: it had been bolted from the outside.. He was trapped. His eyes watered from the smoke and Liam could hardly breathe. With his fists he slammed on the barn doors, harder and harder..

Liam woke up with a gasp. Completely disoriented, he glanced around him, only realising seconds later that the loud knocking on the barn door had woken him up. They had found him was his first thought. But the feeling of panic and fear was soon replaced by astonishment and worry when Guinevere entered the barn. She looked absolutely dreadful: her face was deadly pale, dark rings had formed under her eyes, which were puffy and red, and her dress was torn and filthy. She cried out when she saw him, staggering towards him, her body trembling with cold and grief. She crashed down midway and Liam, finally recovered from the shock of seeing her in such a state, scrambled to his feet, running over to her. “Guinevere..” His dark eyes scanned her distraught face worriedly and he held her arms as he feared that else she might fall over; her skin was as cold as ice. “Guinevere, what happened?” His voice was filled with a sort of disbelief. He didn’t want to ask what happened, he didn’t want to know, for he expected the worst.

When she spoke, his worst fears were confirmed and for a moment Liam could only look at Guinevere, incredulousness was written on his face. He couldn’t believe it. In the darkest hour of the past nights he had pushed away these thought that something could have happened to them and that there was a possibility that they wouldn’t come back. And now after all that had happened.. They couldn’t have survived, Liam realised that. No one could survive such a volley fire, it was impossible..
Suddenly Guinevere jumped up and wildly ran out of the barn. It appeared like she hardly knew what she was doing, mad with grief, trying to run away from the reality. Liam followed her and soon caught up with her.

“Guinevere! You have to stop this!” He wrapped his arms around her and forced her to stop running. “Calm down… Please..” As she stopped struggling, he still held her, but his grip had loosened as he gently rocked her in his arms. He met her desperate glance with a sort of calmness and acceptance. “Cairbre would never leave you..” he said quietly, not showing how much it hurt to say these words. “He would come back to you whatever happened. But he has now gone to a place from which he cannot return. He’s gone, Guinevere, Cairbre is gone.”

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 Post subject: Re: One Good Reason (Private RP)
PostPosted: February 9th, 2012, 3:27 pm 
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(Ohhh, I loved your post, Will! <333 :hug: Eeek, it's awesome! Here's my reply, I really hope you like it! I'm so excited for our RP :happy: )

Guinevere had struggled against Liam at first, attempting to break free so that she could continue running, but now she seemed to give up, all of her fight draining away. Her hands, which she’d closed into fists against his chest, now went slack, although they still trembled alarmingly. She stared into the middle distance as he spoke, her eyes filled with the dreadful, dawning realization, more tears gathering at her lashes. Her breathing felt taut and constricted, making her chest ache unbearably; she could swear that this most painful sensation was her heart being torn apart. “No,” she mumbled, the tears spilling over and streaking her cheeks. She could feel her knees shaking and beginning to give way; she only stayed upright due to Liam holding her. His words repeated themselves in her mind over and over, unable to be blocked out. Guinevere pressed her lips tight together in an attempt to keep back her wild sobs, but it was useless even to try.

Finally, she met Liam’s gaze, having no idea how he could look so calm. Her gasps tore at her throat as she tried to speak past the weeping, tried again to deny what he’d said, but speaking was quite beyond her. All she could do was shake and flounder, lost in the dark and unable to find her way out. After a few moments she simply collapsed against Liam, clinging to him like an inconsolable child as she cried. She clutched his arms and dropped her head so that it rested against his shoulder; she could hear his heart beating through the fabric of his shirt. No matter how hard she tried, she could not stop weeping. It was like some kind of illness, breaking down all of her strength, using up every last grain of energy she had left, up to the point that she believed and hoped she would die.

She relived the scene of the redcoats at the bridge in her mind; what if there had been something she could have done to save Cairbre and Rosalind? What if this was all her own fault, what if there was no one to blame but herself? With this thought, she drooped even more, her long hair creating a shield around her face, hiding the agony written across her expression. When she eventually spoke again, her voice sounded so incredibly tiny and fragile, only just audible.

“Why… why am I left behind?” she whispered. “Wh-why? What am I? I shall tell you… I’m nothing… I am nothing at all. I should be dead, Liam, it should be me! I might have found a way to save them but I didn't! I deserve death... not them... not my... my Cair...” She broke off, unable to continue. She suddenly let go of Liam and held her head in her hands, her shoulders hunching over as she was rocked with heartbreak and pain. She muffled her cries of anguish, feeling as if she was going slowly insane. Everything was falling apart around her, crashing down in flames. All she had left was this love, this agonizing love for a man it seemed she had lost… “Cairbre…” she uttered the name helplessly. Gone… how could he be gone? And Rosa too? Just gone?

Unable to keep herself on her feet, Guinevere stumbled and reached out to Liam again, holding onto his shoulders and trying to steady her breath, which was fluctuating beyond control. Not another word passed her lips. She just stood there and shut her eyes as the pain grew stronger and stronger, before all of a sudden, her body went limp against Liam’s, and she lost consciousness.

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 Post subject: Re: One Good Reason (Private RP)
PostPosted: February 17th, 2012, 1:06 pm 
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[ So, I made a few assumptions in my post about Guinevere and her condition, but if anything is not like you think it should be, just tell me and I'll edit it.. :) ]


The next few days, time seemed to pass excruciatingly slow. Liam had taken Guinevere back to the barn, deciding that they at least had to spend one more night there, although there was hardly any food and water was hard to get by. Yet Guinevere needed her rest, if only to process the trauma she went through and to recover her strengths. He had not dared to risk a fire outside in fear of exposure, but instead he had covered Guinevere up with straw as a sort of blanket so she would be warm and comfortable. In that night, as he watched her sleep, Liam had thought of what they should do now. Although he had been shocked and aggrieved by the loss of Cairbre and Rosalind, he knew that he had to keep it together; their safety and taking care of Guinevere was his first priority now. With Guinevere falling apart, it was clear that it was now up to him think ahead, to make the plans and to decide what they had to do.

The next day they left and just walked.. Liam did not know what their destination would be, only that they needed a place where they could find shelter and to keep their heads down until they could safely leave the country. For days they walked, passing through small villages or going cross-country, sometimes without meeting a living soul. They ate whatever food they could get their hands on: small game by hunting, berries, or eggs stolen from farms. As days turned into weeks, a more pressing matter than the questions of where to go, where to sleep and what to eat, claimed Liam’s attention. Guinevere’s condition seemed to be getting worse; aside from the fact that she hardly spoke to him and cried herself to sleep at night, she didn’t eat and the last of her strength was draining. Her grief was consuming her and it was only a matter of time before she would break down completely.

One night, two weeks after Guinevere had returned with that horrible new, when they camped in the woods, Liam decided that they couldn’t keep on running without a purpose. In the next town he would find the local physician and find help. He threw some more dry wood on the fire and tucked the blanket in, which had been stolen as well, around Guinevere, who was seemingly sleeping. He was not going to tell her about his plan. She had changed after the loss of Cairbre and Rosalind and hardly seemed to care anymore about what happened to them. The new Guinevere was quiet and didn’t laugh anymore; her grief was a heavy burden she carried with her, night and day. Her characteristic optimism and hope had vanished and only a vague reflection of her old self remained.

Therefore Liam had taken it upon himself to fulfil the role as leader, to keep them both motivated and to take care of Guinevere. However, on dark nights like these loneliness crept up on him and he felt like he had not only lost Cairbre and Rosalind, but Guinevere as well. He would try to ignore the growing fear about their future, which came with the burden of responsibility, and his concerns for aching shoulder; the wound had barely any time to heal and the last two weeks had put such a strain on him that the stitches even started bleeding again.

But Liam didn’t say a word about this to Guinevere and he would just wake her up in the early morning, cheerful as ever. That was the way things were right now, but he realised that they couldn’t continue like this. Their luck needed to change. They needed a kind of miracle to counter all the disasters which had taken place after he had arrived in Devonshire.

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Children, rejoice, rejoice..

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 Post subject: Re: One Good Reason (Private RP)
PostPosted: February 18th, 2012, 12:45 am 
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(Don't worry, you described her condition brilliantly! :hug: )

Beneath the blanket Liam had spread over her, Guinevere shifted uneasily, lost in a bad dream. She had finally dropped off to sleep, after two restless hours of tightly closed eyes and silent weeping. Despite how exhausted she always was now, rest wasn’t at all easy to obtain. Everything had become an endless, painful struggle for her; she really had no idea at all how she’d made it through these past two weeks. It was Liam who motivated and drove them both onwards, it was he who ensured their survival. Guinevere knew that she should thank him for all that he’d done, but somehow, the words couldn’t begin to get past her lips; in fact, she found it almost impossible to even speak at all. An entire day could pass by in which she’d only utter two or three words, a sentence at most. Her throat felt dry all the time, and her voice trapped within her; to make matters worse, she couldn’t manage to eat properly either. In the back of her mind she knew that she had to eat to regain some of her strength, but she couldn’t help it.

Her slim body twitched slightly, and all of a sudden she kicked away the blanket, her hands clenching into fists against the forest floor. Not for the first time, her dreams were taking her back to that fateful day at the bridge by the river, just before Cairbre and Rosalind had disappeared into the water. Guinevere was very visibly struggling, trapped inside a nightmare all too vivid within her mind, before suddenly her eyes leapt open and she gasped in shock, trembling from head to toe, hot tears paving down her face.

Very slowly, making a great effort, she sat up, her gaze flying this way and that as her surroundings became clearer, the dark woodland shifting into focus. Guinevere’s mouth trembled and her throat convulsed as she tried desperately to physically bite back her tears, till she tasted blood. The pain hardly registered with her; it was nothing, absolutely nothing compared to the pain of her grief, which was so strong, so all consuming, that she scarcely knew who she was anymore.

She grabbed the discarded blanket and wrapped it around her shaking shoulders. For several moments she simply sat very still and stared into thin air, her eyes as glazed as the surface of a frozen lake. Was this what dying was like? With every day that passed, she wished that the next morning she would not wake up. She could not carry on like this. As far as she was concerned, her life was over. Finished. Her daily existence had withered down to weeping, trying to sleep, and not eating. She felt like less than a person, simply an exhausted body pushing itself to walk around, to continue without any purpose.

With trembling fingers, Guinevere wiped at her tearstained cheeks and forced herself up onto her feet. Nearby, Liam was sitting at the fire he’d built up to keep them both warm throughout the night. She watched him silently for a moment, wondering if he would soon get sick of trying to help her, when in her eyes she was utterly beyond hope. Weighed down with fatigue, she moved towards the fire and sat down beside Liam without looking at him, gazing instead into the crackling flames. Despite her pains, her eyes continued to brim over as she sat there without a word, before she finally closed them. Her head felt heavy, too much of a burden for her neck to keep upright, and so she wilted sideways, resting limply against Liam’s shoulder.

“I would ask you to kill me,” she murmured, the sound of her own voice surprising her, for it seemed an age had passed since she’d last spoken, “but I know you wouldn’t do it.” She opened her eyes, even her eyelids hurting. “I need him,” she suddenly continued, her tone taking on a pleading, desperate edge, “I need him here! Here with me!” With those words, she burst into a fresh peal of sobs. She wanted to say Cairbre’s name out loud, longed to, but doing so would just about finish her off. She spoke in a choked tone through her weeping. “I can’t… I can’t go on anymore… I am finished... I’m done. You should just let me die…” She covered her face with her hands as her entire body was shaken with the force of her cries. “I cannot keep walking tomorrow. I can’t keep running. I can’t, no matter what you say.”

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 Post subject: Re: One Good Reason (Private RP)
PostPosted: February 20th, 2012, 5:44 pm 
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Liam looked at Guinevere sideways, when she sat down next to him; her tears glittered in the light of the fire and he felt her body tremble as she rested her head on his shoulder. Weeks ago, he would have given anything for her to be so close to him, to get along like they used to.. But not now, not like this.. He turned away and stared into the flames when she started speaking. Her desperate pleads turned into sobs and Liam tried to ignore the aching pain, which had nothing to do with his bullet wound, when she spoke of the man, who had been on her mind every second during the past weeks.
For a moment he remained silent and he only listened to her quiet weeping, then finally he spoke: “It’s not up to us to decide who lives or dies. That is out of our hands.” His voice was not unfriendly, yet his tone contained a sort of decisiveness and disapproval. “Some wish to live but pass away, while others who welcome death are given life. You should cherish it and keep hope, for also this will pass..”
Liam finally looked at Guinevere, his face drawn with pain. Although he had not mentioned her, it was clear that he had been referring to his sister. Her passing had been months ago, but the grief was still fresh as if it had happened yesterday. With his hand he wiped away the tear that ran down Guinevere’s cheeks, before putting his arm around her shoulders, smiling slightly.
“You will wake up tomorrow and we will leave this place. But we won’t keep on walking.. I’ll promise you, tomorrow, everything will get better..”

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 Post subject: Re: One Good Reason (Private RP)
PostPosted: February 20th, 2012, 9:22 pm 
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Guinevere’s hands dropped from her damp face, and slowly, she raised her head to look at Liam, meeting his eyes. A mix of emotions kindled within her as she contemplated what he’d said, the most predominate of them being anger; how could this overwhelming grief ever possibly pass? How on earth could everything get better tomorrow? In the morning, she would waken to the new day, and the knowledge of her own existence would still fill her with despair. Her hope had slipped too far away for her to keep. That Liam should think she could ever recover filled her with incredulous fury, and she found his comments on humankind’s lack of control over life and death to be most uncomforting. And yet she didn’t pull away from him as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, since he was keeping her upright; she only stared at him disbelievingly, wondering how he could be so certain of his words, how he could speak with such conviction.

And then she knew. His sister. His sister, of course. She blinked, more tears dropping from her lashes. Liam was grieving too, and yet he was still carrying on with as much strength as he could. This acknowledgement hit her hard, and she could no longer be angry towards him, the resentment dropping from her eyes in almost a flash. How was he doing it? Guinevere truly felt that she would never feel strong again; all of her strength had fallen away that dreadful day, and it seemed there was nothing that could be done to redeem it. Her every instinct told her that she no longer belonged in this world, and that in it’s current state hers was not a life worth living anymore.

She looked away, her eyes turning back towards the fire for a moment. Her eyes eventually closed and she cast a hand over her brow, which ached excruciatingly, probably from weeping so much during the past two weeks. Cairbre. She could see him in her mind’s eye so clearly, her heart swelling with thwarted longing; she wanted his arms around her, wanted to feel his warm gaze on her face. So much. How could it be that he was lost to her? I’m lost without him, her mind ached.

Little did she know that Cairbre was in fact as alive as he’d always been, at this very moment traveling somewhere far away through the vast wilderness of the distant countryside with an injured, patched up Rosalind, looking for her.

Guinevere’s eyes leapt open, and she flinched. Seeing Cairbre so vividly in her mind made the lack of him when she opened her eyes tenfold worse. Come back to me. Please, please, just come back to me, be here...

Heaving a tentative breath, she at last spoke very quietly. “We won’t keep on walking?” she repeated wearily, filling the long silence with her fragile voice. “Where will we go then?” She turned her sore head so that it rested against Liam’s, her red hair mingling with his black locks. As she spoke, by accident her lips very slightly brushed against his skin, although she didn’t seem to notice. “It sounds as if you have made a plan…” More tears spilled from her eyes. “I used to make plans…” She suddenly clutched at her forehead again, the pain searing even more. “Curse it,” she muttered, not bothering to brush away any of her tears, since they only kept coming. “Seems… seems e-everything is going wrong with me. You shouldn’t have to put up with me… you shouldn’t, but you are. Th-thank you.”

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 Post subject: Re: One Good Reason (Private RP)
PostPosted: February 29th, 2012, 6:03 am 
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Night was slowly fading into day and the first rays of light fell through the roof of leaves. Liam sat near the now extinguished fire, his arm around Guinevere’s frail figure. She lay, wrapped in her blanket, against his chest, still fast asleep. He stroked her auburn hair as he listened to the first chirping birds and the rustling of leaves. He didn’t want to wake her so early, especially after her breakdown of last night. Liam didn’t know how to help her process her grief; he had let her sob and carefully tried to reassure her that things were going to get better, that everything was going to be alright. But Guinevere hardly seemed to listen to him. At times Liam wondered if she at all aware of his presence, as in her mind she was only occupied with the loss of her love and she had stopped caring about living and those who were still alive.
Still, she had to get up as he knew that would have to leave soon; Liam had found, as he had explored some parts of the woods, that near the edge of forest there was a Roman road which led to one of the larger towns in the region. If they were lucky, they could blend in with the merchants and farmers and enter town as soon as the city gates were opened.

“Guinevere,” Liam gently tapped her on the shoulder in order to wake her up. “Wake up.. The sun is already up and it’s time to go.” He grabbed the bag in which he carried around all the belongings and provisions they got left. There was only a chunk of dry bread and some cheese left for breakfast, which Liam had stolen days ago. He had been caught red handed by the farmer and was only lucky to have outrun his vicious dogs. “Here, eat this..” he said, while placing both the bread and cheese in Guinevere’s hands. He studied her face carefully, not missing her gaunt features and the dark circles under her swollen eyes. “Do you think you can walk? You can lean on me.. I’ll help you..”

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Children, rejoice, rejoice..

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 Post subject: Re: One Good Reason (Private RP)
PostPosted: February 29th, 2012, 8:58 am 
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Guinevere’s eyelids blearily opened as she became aware of Liam’s voice calling her away from sleep. It took her a moment to adjust to the early morning light, before she shifted herself, sitting up properly, pushing back her hair and wiping her eyes. Her blue eyes met Liam’s gaze as he put the food into her hands, a sinking feeling in her stomach. She couldn’t possibly eat; she knew that if she attempted to do so, she’d simply choke. There was something wrong with her throat. Taking a deep breath, she gave the food back to him, gently folding his fingers over it. “I’m sorry… I can’t…” she said softly, “…you eat it. You’re probably hungrier than I am.”

She let Liam help her to her feet, which were more than slightly unsteady. She leaned against him, holding tightly onto his arm. She wasn’t at all looking forward to setting out on yet another long walk, even though Liam seemed to be planning to find them somewhere to stay. She raised her head a little, looking up towards the treetops and the light filtering through. It was hard to believe it was morning already; it felt as if it had been only a few minutes ago she’d fallen asleep, when in fact it had been several hours ago. All the same, she didn’t feel as if she’d got nearly enough rest.

Guinevere looked back towards Liam, looking him directly in the eyes in a way that was almost unnerving. It was as if she was saying to him, how can we hope to make this next journey with me in such a miserable state? She felt guilty, as if she was letting him down, when he was doing his best to help her, but at the same time she felt resigned to what she saw as her own uselessness. She adjusted the blanket around her slender shoulders, hoping that she would begin to feel warmer soon. Even though it was summer, her temperature seemed to have changed drastically; her skin felt continually chilled, like snow.

Briefly, she wondered what they would do if they ever reached the town. In reality it was unlikely that they would find somewhere to stay, when they had no money for accommodation, and people these days didn’t take pity and show generosity for free. That being such, this latest trek of theirs would most likely be in vain. Perhaps they would have to live on the streets. But it wouldn't make a difference; Guinevere's grief wouldn't fade whether they stayed in an inn or camped out on a roadside. In either situation she'd still feel just as terrible.

Acting on instinct, Guinevere let go of Liam’s arm, before putting her arms, which were still trembling with cold, around him to give him a hug. Despite how terrible she was feeling, despite her state of mind, she still wanted to thank him for trying so hard to help her, especially when doing so seemed to her such a hopeless task. Her head rested atop his shoulder, her eyes glassy with her unbearable grief, as she patted his back gently. After a moment, she carefully pulled back, not wanting to lose her balance.

“How long do you suppose the walk will take?” she asked him, quietly. The exact amount of time it took to reach the town didn't really matter, because Guinevere knew that if it took half an hour or two hours, it would still feel like a century. Still, it was something to say.

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 Post subject: Re: One Good Reason (Private RP)
PostPosted: March 22nd, 2012, 6:59 pm 
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[I'm so sorry for not posting! Here's my post.. I tried my best, but I have the feeling it's rubbish.. :P ]


Liam swiftly helped Guinevere back on her feet, letting her cling to him, to steady herself. But when she placed the food back in his hand, he quickly grasped her wrist before she could withdraw her arm and looked at her sternly, this time less compliant. “You must eat, Guinevere. You need to regain your strength. I will not be persuaded otherwise..”

He turned his back on Guinevere, leaving her with her breakfast, while he grabbed the weathered bag and threw it over his shoulder. Immediately he grimaced, realising that it was his bad shoulder which caught all the weight. Quickly he swung it over his other shoulder and checked the bandage underneath his shirt; it was soaked with blood. Liam rearranged his shirt, trying not to be bothered with stinging pain and made a mental note to find anything which could serve as a new bandage, as soon as they were in town. His shoulder was not his priority now. Guinevere was his first concern now, her health and welfare was his incentive. He could see her suffering, while her condition was weakening. It was almost painful to look at her and think of the lively and passionate woman she had been. But that woman was gone and the person that was left, was a stranger to him.

Liam turned back to Guinevere, who was seemingly still watching him, quietly. Her pale face betrayed all sorts of emotions: exhaustion.. despair.. guilt.. This time it was not the usual reproachful look that blamed him for dragging her along with him and not letting her die. It was a look of hopelessness that wondered what on earth he was still doing with her.
Suddenly, out of nothing, Guinevere stepped forward and embraced him. For a moment, Liam felt at a loss how to react on this sudden intimate gesture. But then he felt how her arms trembled and her ice-cold skin and he gently pulled her towards him, wrapping his arms around her and held her tightly. His head rested on hers and Liam had closed his eyes, feeling overwhelmed by Guinevere’s sudden closeness, her soft touch, the smell of her hair.. He couldn’t help but recall those moments, long ago, when she had still been his.

Only too quick, Guinevere broke their embrace and Liam almost grimaced as he let go of her. He wanted to say so many things: about the day he had walked into their lives, her wedding, his sister, Cairbre. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t talk about the past with her, she would not forgive him. Not now, not ever..

“It won’t be far.. I promise,” he responded truthfully. “Let us go now, I hope to get into town under the cover of the merchants and farmers who head towards the market.”

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O children, lift up your voice, lift up your voice,
Children, rejoice, rejoice..

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 Post subject: Re: One Good Reason (Private RP)
PostPosted: March 23rd, 2012, 12:41 pm 
Maia
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(I can’t believe how self-effacing you are about your posts, my dear! Your post is absolutely AMAZING! :-D Last night when I read it I was just sitting and smiling like an idiot, overwhelmed by it’s beauty. <333 It’s so very lovely! *squees* Hope ya like my reply! :happy: )

Liam’s promise helped to reassure Guinevere a little, the sincerity in his voice making it clear that he would not lie to her. She smiled at him, wanting to convey her gratitude, but her lips were tremulous, her eyes still shimmering with pain. It took so much effort, all of the strength she had left, not to burst into tears. Although she needed so much to weep, she knew that she could not let herself, if only because another breakdown now would surely obstruct their journey – the journey she really didn’t want to make. She could feel a lump forming in her throat, sore with unburdened grief; unable to speak through it, she simply nodded at Liam, blinking, her eyelashes visibly wet.

She held onto his arm as they began the walk to the town. The woodland and countryside around them didn’t leave any impact on her; it all looked the same, an endless blur of greenery. Once she might have admired it’s prettiness, but now she looked straight ahead of her, almost as if she could not see at all. Keeping her feet moving was a matter of supreme will, one she felt that she didn’t have. Her hold tightened around Liam’s arm, her slender fingers grasping his sleeve. Again, she felt that nagging feeling of being a burden, with the bitter addition of resentment against her own weakness. As they walked, she could feel another headache springing forth in her head; her expression flickered with the fierce ache, but she masked what she could of it, not wanting to add to Liam’s worries. Instead, she blocked out the world around her and lost herself in a daydream, imagining the house on the cliff overlooking the ocean; imagining the night she had leaned out of her bedroom window and believed that all her dreams had come true, believed that she would be happy forever.

~~~

It came as a stark surprise when they arrived outside the gates of the town; Guinevere had immersed herself so far within her mind that when she realized they’d found their destination, it was like being woken from the deepest of sleeps. A whole throng of other people waited outside with their goods and livestock, exchanging snatches of conversation whilst eyeing the gates watchfully, each wanting to be the first to get through.

Guinevere turned her head to look at Liam. She’d remained silent all the way here; this gave her cause to wonder if he’d believed she’d been ignoring him. That hadn’t been the case, but it made her guilty all the same. She could have done without the guilt alongside all of her dreadful troubles. She half-expected that any moment now, she would explode in a scorching culmination of all her grief and despair. The fact that she carried on living, that she was not yet dead, continually perplexed her. If she had her way, she would end it all now… find a high place and hurl herself over the edge, or submerge herself in a river and let the water fill up her lungs.

It took a moment for her to realize that she was sitting down now, on the grass beside Liam, to wait for the gates to be opened. Time seemed to be slipping out of her reach, it’s passing going far beyond her own comprehension. She gazed into space, wondering if she was possibly going mad.

Eventually, she leant against Liam’s shoulder, closing her eyes and holding onto his arm sleepily. He was her last connection with the living world; it was he who strived to keep her alive, to keep her going, but at the moment life seemed to come with a terrible cost. Her thoughts grew increasingly darker, increasingly morbid, as she slipped closer towards sleep. But she was shaken into proper consciousness when all of a sudden, she felt something strange beneath her fingertips, and her eyes gradually opened.

There was blood on Liam’s shirt, seeping through the material slowly but surely. Guinevere stared at the scarlet liquid in shock, her mouth parting, but she could utter no words. It took a few moments for her to push herself into action. When she spoke, her voice sounded incredibly pained.

“Let me help you,” she said, “let me help…” Even though the last of her strength was well and truly waning, she reached out with her still-trembling hands to inspect Liam’s shoulder properly. It had been two weeks since she’d removed the bullet and bandaged him up, but during that time his injury had completely slipped her mind, forgotten. He’d been in obvious pain all this time, and he’d not said a word about it. Ignoring any protests, she pulled his shirt down over his shoulder as gently as possible, and at the sight of the blood-soaked bandage, tears suddenly stung her eyes.

“I’ll re-bandage it for you. Don’t argue… I’ll use some material from my skirt, or something… you can’t go around like that, Liam! Why didn’t you tell me?” She sounded as if she was about to cry.

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 Post subject: Re: One Good Reason (Private RP)
PostPosted: April 11th, 2012, 1:21 pm 
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[ Okay, so I delayed the fast-forwarding once more as this was working out as well. ;) ]

Liam did not speak as they approached the city under the cover of the many merchants and farmers who were to sell their products on the weekly market. At times he would only glance at Guinevere to see how she was doing. And although she didn’t complain, she hardly managed to keep up with his already sluggish pace and it seemed that her complexion was paler than before. Realizing that Guinevere’s state was deteriorating by the day made Liam even more determined to find help. The part that concerned paying for any sort of medical treat, he had not figured out yet, but that could wait. First, he had to find her a physician..

The city gates hadn’t been opened yet and Liam followed the example of the many others, that were waiting to enter town, and sat down in the grassy berm aside of the road. The rays of morning sun were now warming up his limbs and Liam sat there, quite comfortably, with Guinevere leaning against his shoulder, stroking her hair as he tried to come up with a plan of what to do once they were inside the city walls. Almost with a sort of curiosity he looked at the blood that seeped through his shirt as Guinevere had noticed the still bleeding wound. He had not forgotten about it; the pain was a constant reminder, but he’d got used to the nagging pain and not wanted to pay too much attention to it.

“Don’t worry,” he said quickly. “It’s nothing..” But before he could pull his shirt down, Guinevere had already pulled it over his shoulder. “I didn’t want to worry you needlessly,” he said quietly, as Guinevere redressed the wound, realizing that he had made her cry again. “There is just so much on your mind already.. I guess I didn’t want to worry myself either. I worry enough about you as it is.”

He looked up when with a loud creaking sound the city gates opened and a group of guards gathered near the gate’s entrance to inspect the villagers that were to enter the city. Quickly, Liam helped Guinevere up and he was suddenly very aware that people were looking at him. Although he and Guinevere looked as wretched as all the farmers that surrounded them, he felt that they stood out in the crowd; they formed an odd-looking couple with Guinevere’s auburn hair and his dark skin and the last thing Liam wanted was unwanted attention. He didn’t know if the King’s men were still looking for them, but all he knew was that Guinevere wouldn’t survive another pursuit.

As they were waiting in line, he therefore lingered behind, so that he was walking behind Guinevere. And with heads facing the dirty roads, they both managed to enter the city gates. Once inside the walls of the city, the mass dispersed and Liam caught up with Guinevere again.
“Well done..” he said, while squeezing her hand encouragingly. He didn’t intend on sharing his worry how people had stared at him, hoping that Guinevere hadn’t noticed it. “It’s not far now.. Lets go.”

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 Post subject: Re: One Good Reason (Private RP)
PostPosted: April 11th, 2012, 4:45 pm 
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(Love it! :-D <33333 *squeee*
Okies, I hope you don't mind, but I've brought in our nobleman character in this post! :happy: I thought it was a good time since Guin really is in a terrible state, the poor girl O_o)

“Wait, Liam…” Guinevere hung on tightly to his hand, a desperate glint in her eyes. The road ahead of them appeared to her to stretch on in a frighteningly vast manner; in one heartbeat of a moment, she knew that she couldn’t continue anymore. Almost every bone in her body ached, and the last of her energy had been drained upon redressing Liam’s wound, then walking unaided for a few mere moments. Guinevere's face, upturned towards Liam's, was full of unspoken pleading. A few moments passed before finally, she slowly let go of Liam’s hand, her fingers brushing gently against his as she did so.

Gradually she sat down on the earthen road, her head bowing, strands of her long red hair falling about her face. “I just need a few moments to breathe,” she murmured, knowing that this was not so. She knew very well that she was ill, and growing worse almost by the minute. She covered her face with her hands, wondering what on earth they were going to do. Quietly, she spoke against her fingers, making her next words slightly muffled. “Sit by me. Please. Let’s just sit here.”

She felt rather than saw him sit next to her; she was at once immensely relieved that he’d done as she asked instead of insisting that they keep walking. She did not lean against him this time, in case he was tired of her doing so – she was so worried about being a burden. Instead, their shoulders only very slightly touched.

“How sick you must be of me,” she said, removing her hands from her face. She turned to look at Liam, so that she could meet his eyes directly. “Please don’t hate me. I have no right to ask that of you, but I ask it all the same.” Her gaze was moist with tears, although by some miracle she managed to keep her voice steady. She wanted to say more, but somehow she couldn’t. Her voice felt too sore. Breathing, living in fact, was becoming too difficult. Maybe she really was going to die?

Just at that moment, she was alerted by something odd; the sound of horse hooves, a sound which filled her with dread. From now on that sound meant only two things to her: redcoats and despair. “Wh-what's going on…” she began, but upon lifting her weary head, she broke off. It was a carriage being drawn along the road by four horses; it was not a pack of soldiers who had come to get them, as she'd thought. All the same, she shrank back, her face very pale, as the carriage stopped. On instinct, she clutched Liam’s hand and drew closer to him.

The man who stepped out of the carriage, however, was the least threatening-looking person imaginable; he was a short, stout man who must have been somewhere in his late sixties. A glare formed on Guinevere’s features despite her fear, and she prepared to tell him in no uncertain terms that he was to go away at once. But before she could, the little man met her hostile look with a kindly smile.

“No need to fret, young lady,” he assured her, before turning his attention towards Liam with equal amicability. “I intend no offence, my good man, but your wife does not seem at all well. I could not help but notice this from my carriage window… and one likes to put one’s mind at rest, you know… but I find I cannot leave this scene idle.”

"I don't see why it should concern you, if you just want to stand and gawp," Guinevere retorted, too tired to correct the stranger. She turned away from him, moving so that she faced Liam instead. The prospect of this strange person intefering in things which didn't concern him was something that she just couldn't face; all she wanted was to rest. It didn't occur to her at all that he just might be able to help them.

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 Post subject: Re: One Good Reason (Private RP)
PostPosted: April 25th, 2012, 2:47 pm 
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They had to keep going, otherwise they would surely catch the attention of the redcoats. But then Liam looked at Guinevere, who just sat on the dirty street, and although he didn’t want to admit it, he realised that she couldn’t keep going. For the past weeks she had talked herself down and slid deeper and deeper in depression; her emotional resilience had diminished and her physical condition had worsened as well. No matter how he would motivate her, Liam knew this was the end station. There could be no more walking, no more detours. Something had to be done- now.. Liam ignored Guinevere’s comments, not wanting to encourage her gloominess, knowing that she wouldn’t believe him when he told her that he did this because he cared for her- still.. always.

Only moments before Liam wanted to pick Guinevere up and carry her the rest of the way, a carriage halted next to them. In an impulse, his hand shot to his side, but then he realised that he had lost his pistol long ago. He felt defenseless, as he couldn't face this unknown enemy with a weapon. As he scrambled to his feet and turned, he looked -contrary to all his expectations- at the face of a friendly, but wealthy looking man, who just got out of his carriage. His refined clothing, powdered wig and luxurious looking carriage told Liam one thing: this was a man of wealth and standing.

For a moment Liam just watched the man and listened to his words, before it dawned to him that this man was actually worried about Guinevere. He sank on his knees again and gave Guinevere, who glared at the man with a hostile look on her face, a reassuring look. He then put an arm around her shoulders and helped her up so that she could lean on him. He then turned to the noble man and addressed him before any more reproachful words of Guinevere would ruin anything: this man was somehow worried about Guinevere and he would perhaps be even more inclined to help if he knew Guinevere’s actual standing.. If he could only bring it convincingly, then this man could be her saviour…

“Sir, this fine Lady is not my wife. She’s the daughter of the late Lord Callihan. I was a sailor on a merchant ship, which would bring her and her fiancée from Port Royal to London.” Liam paused for a moment while his mind was working on top speed to make the story plausible, but he could already see that he’d caught the man’s interest. “However, these trading routes were very dangerous and our ship was attacked by pirates.. Almost all perished, her fiancée as well..”
Liam tightened his grip around Guinevere’s trembling body. Never in those past weeks had he ever mentioned Cairbre or Rosalind and he hardly knew how she was going to react on this.
“We were picked up by another merchant ship which brought us to Southampton. Nobody cared for the Lady or knew about her loss, so I decided to help her, find relatives or acquaintances. But she fell ill..”

Liam’s voice trailed off and he now looked the old man straight in the eyes; a pleading look was on his face. This was not about whatever story he’d told, even though he needed the man to believe it; he needed the man’s help. Guinevere was suffering and he had promised that everything would be alright, that he would find help. He would not allow her to be weak, to give in or to let her do anything to herself. Losing her to another man had been unbearable, but to lose her completely, even when he had the chance to save her, would be unimaginably painful.

“Please,” he said, and for the first time in weeks his voice sounded almost exhausted. “Can you help her? I can’t pay you now, but I can find a job, pay you back later.. Please, I will do anything..”

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 Post subject: Re: One Good Reason (Private RP)
PostPosted: April 25th, 2012, 4:53 pm 
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“Oh, my dear goodness,” muttered the old man, his already lined face crinkling in heartfelt empathy as he gazed upon Guinevere, who was shaking from head to toe. “What a dreadful tale. Dreadful, no mistake about that…” he paused, appearing to take a small moment to think before suddenly heaving his rounded shoulders and nodding his bewigged head, as if he’d made a decision. “It is a cold, unfriendly world we live in, and I take pride in being a friend to those who have fallen prey to life’s unkindness and injustice. I would be less than a man and less than a good Christian if I did not help you. And my good man, I shall hear no talk of repayment for my help – my goodwill is free.”

Guinevere leaned against Liam, wishing that she could sit down again instead of being forced to listen to the stranger driveling on and on. Her eyes stared blankly into the distance, filled with tears as she tuned out the elderly voice to give way to her own inconsolable thoughts, repeating in her head the story Liam had woven. Our ship was attacked by pirates… Almost all perished, her fiancée as well… It felt as if someone had taken a knife and stuck it straight in her already broken heart before twisting it again and again. Her beautiful blue eyes became fixed, as if belonging to one who can see beyond the world that exists now, can see into the past, through the ether, back to a day that was bright and new… the day Cairbre had asked her to marry him. It was so vivid, so real in her mind that she was quickly removed from this scene, removed from the little street with the carriage and the man in the ridiculous wig.

But then that selfsame man stepped forward, placing a careful, kindly hand on her arm; the action tore her away from her thoughts, placing her back into present time. The shock was so awful that she staggered and veered away. She could hear what the man was saying: kind words… “The Lady shall be taken to my personal physician in all haste…” She heard him mention his own name too, “Lord” something, “Lord Lucien”… something? “Autumn”, that was it. But no amount of reassurances and kind words could make her trust him in the state she was in now.

“No,” she stated, in her trembling voice, “no. I’m not going anywhere with you, I am not going in that carriage!” She looked up at Liam desperately. “Tell him, tell him… I don’t trust him.”

“My dear Lady, you have nothing whatsoever to fear from me,” Lord Autumn reassured her. He cleared his throat and raised his grey eyebrows. “My throat is very gravelly this day… most strange, but in all likelihood it’s my old age and not illness… anyway, where was I? Yes, you have nothing to fear. Let your friend help you into the carriage and sit with you, I shall sit on the perch with the driver to give you room to rest. My physician is only a few streets away, and I shall instruct my driver to go very gently over the bumps on the road so you will not be jolted…” he continued in this manner, only serving to infuriate and frighten the unwell Guinevere.

Before long, she had turned towards Liam and buried her face in his chest, clinging to him as if in fear for her life. Her arms tangled themselves tightly around his neck. The muffled sound of her sobbing was only slightly audible as she refused to remove herself from him. She didn’t care that according to Liam’s invented story, he was nothing more than an acquaintance, and that her behavior wouldn’t help to bolster the story. She just wanted to disappear, to get away, and she needed to be held.

“Oh my,” Lord Autumn commented quietly. “I have seen illness brought on by grief before, and it does not often end well… hysteria, fevers and suchlike… please, do all you can to reassure her I mean no harm.” He removed his hat, as if he believed it was intimidating Guinevere and that doing so would help matters along.

“Where have they gone…” Guinevere murmured against Liam’s shirt, “where are they… I love them, they cannot be gone from me. My, my Rosalind. My… my, my… my C-c…” she blundered over the name; it was so painful even to utter it. “Cairbre!” she wailed brokenly. “Oh god, what has happened? What has happened to me?” She suddenly raised her head and held Liam’s face between her hands, her eyes shining with illness, her face flushed with heat. “Tell me, why has this happened?” Those were the last words she spoke before her feet gave way, and the next time she opened her eyes, she was sitting in a trundling carriage, cradled in Liam’s arms.

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 Post subject: Re: One Good Reason (Private RP)
PostPosted: May 25th, 2012, 7:02 pm 
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[ I'm so sorry for the delay Goldy! It's short, I know, but I hope you like it! :happy: ]

Liam leaned back against the back of the carriage seat and stared at the passing houses and streets. With his left hand, he pressed against his wounded shoulder and his right arm was wrapped around Guinevere, who was sobbing in his arms. He did not react to her heart-wrenching cries but only stroked her hair, quietly. The feeling of emptiness and despair that had accompanied him for as long as he had been in Devonshire, weighed heavily in his shoulder, crushing his heart.

He had already said everything to her: every consoling word, every encouragement, every bit of critic.. He had said it all, but there had never been any response. Guinevere lived in her own little world of grief and could not get out of it. He had been the one that had kept her going, kept her from taking her own life.. but for what? So that she could languish, bitter and heart-broken until she would breathe out her last exhausted breath with his name on her lips? Cairbre. Every time she mentioned him, it felt like a dagger stabbed Liam’s heart a bit deeper and she did not know. Guinevere didn’t see, but then, Liam had done everything to prevent her from seeing how much he was actually hurt and how painful it was to be around her, but to remain unnoticed.

Liam noted that they were no longer in the city; the scenery changed from green fields to forests, while the sun rose higher in the sky. Liam closed his eyes, allowing the exhaustion to finally wash over him. Guinevere was silent now and as he held her tightly, he felt almost peaceful for a moment. Yet he finally realised, after managing to get Guinvere at last into safety, that he had lost her. His best friend and love of his life were gone, perished together with Cairbre when he fell from that bridge, leaving only a pale reflection of her past self behind.

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 Post subject: Re: One Good Reason (Private RP)
PostPosted: May 25th, 2012, 8:10 pm 
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(Ooohhh, I love it! :-D And don't worry, your posts definitely don't have to be as long as mine! :hug: I just get rather carried away when I start writing :lol:
Anyhoo, hope ya like this ;) )

Gradually, Guinevere’s sobs had ceased, the tears drying on her face as she settled down into a melancholy silence. Her gaze moved around the carriage for the first time, taking it in, and suddenly, she felt a sharp twist of pain in her stomach. She couldn’t help remembering the last carriage she’d been in, the day they’d escaped from the trial. How much it hurt to remember how she’d believed everything would work out, that they’d stay alive, that they’d survive… However, she did not allow herself to shed any more tears. All the weeping she’d done these past weeks had left her exhausted, and it felt as if one more sob would tear her in two.

She hated feeling so weak. This wasn’t how things were meant to be. She was strong, she was vibrant, she loved to laugh and smile and joke around… she was repulsed by this shadow version of herself, but she couldn’t help it. Perhaps it would be better if she died now, so that she wouldn’t have to live out the rest of her life in this miserable state. She lifted a hand to her forehead, which felt warm. Strange… she felt warm and cold at the same time. It was definitely a fever, then. Maybe she was indeed dying?

If I am dying, I will join Cairbre… we’ll be together again. Never parted, ever again. This thought filled her with acute, desperate longing. Never parted. She so wanted to be near Cairbre again; she yearned for him constantly, love burning in her heart.

Guinevere tightly closed her eyes for a moment, before opening them. A few moments passed as she looked around, as if looking her last upon life. It was then that she became more aware of Liam, her consciousness adjusting to his presence. His arm was wrapped around her, and she was resting against him, her long red hair sweeping against his white shirt in swirling locks, looking like blood against snow. Guinevere raised her eyes to look at him properly; she blinked, clearing her gaze of the haziness, a result of her illness she’d almost grown used to.

There it was, despite how ill she felt: that clear quality in her blue eyes, that ability to read people that was simply part of who Guinevere was. In that moment, anybody could have seen that she was still here. She was still Guinevere, still Guin. She swept her eyes over Liam’s face for what seemed like several minutes; and then, a wave of guilt washed over her, hitting her hard. She knew then the truth of things. Liam didn’t hate her. No. No, he loved her, he still did, after all this time and after everything that had happened. That was the reason why he was trying to help her; she wasn’t some burden to be borne under duress, she was the woman he loved.

“Thank you,” she said, suddenly, softly. Her voice sounded strained from all the crying she'd done, but it was most definitely her voice. She didn’t know what else to say, and besides, she was so very tired. Her head hurt and she felt dizzy; words were an effort. But she pushed herself to try, knowing that if she was going to die, she had to say something worthwhile. “I know why… I now know why you’ve done all this for me. And I’m so sorry… if I’ve let you down, if I’m letting you down – being weak. I hate it too, I hate me, I hate it like this, but what am I to do? I’ve lost…. everything…. I feel lost too, I’m lost…”

That was as much as she could manage. The tears were welling up again, despite all her efforts. She gazed at Liam, feeling so ill, feeling so confused, wanting to find some way to make things right.

Before she was even aware of what she was doing, she leaned forward and touched Liam’s face. Her eyes were tender and shining with tears. Slowly, she moved closer and kissed his cheek very gently. She didn’t move away afterwards, but stayed close. “You can kiss me, if you like,” she suddenly said, astonishing herself as she heard the words say themselves. “To say goodbye. And in return, do this for me, get them to put something nice on my gravestone… something nice, something beautiful. Not something I wouldn't like. There’s a poem I always liked...” She frowned, unable to remember the title, feeling quite sleepy. "Doesn't matter, I suppose... they'll throw me in a ditch or bury me at a crossroads... that's what they do to witches... I got called a witch once. I never told you. Now I'm telling you."

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