Oh, I can't believe I haven't seen this before! May I join?

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Thankies Itarlide, I'll bear that in mind. I love feeback though, and first drafts are never as good as the actual thing, so it helps a lot.

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"Without music, life would be a mistake." - Friedrich Nietzsche



"Make happy those who are near, and those who are far will come."

Fwee!

Yep, rough drafts are always well...rough.

And I hope my advice didn't make you feel bad. I always get nervous when I'm giving people advice because i don't want to hurt their feelings.

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Made by Meganelf



Made 1000 posts on 7/22/06!!!!!!!!!

Fencing Maiden, I love your word choice and the pictures you painted in your mind. You've described yourself very well, and all in a humble way.

Este, that is an amazing prologue. You've encompassed your character's suffering and the general wistful, resigned atmosphere very well. It left me feeling sad to see the character go, and with a sense of loss you get when you were so close to getting something but you never got it. The only thing I would suggest is not killing your character off just yet. Leave off right when the trigger's about to pull and finish the rest of the suicide in the epilogue. It invokes more suspense. Also, I don't know about anyone else, but I'd feel strange reading about someone I know is going to die anyway. But overall, very good job!

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Interesting thoughts on Este's story, Lady Dark Moon. I agree.

Fencing Maiden, amazing job. That was really fantastic. I love the way it flowed and how everything was so delicately put.

Welcome as well Raven Sparrow!!! Good to have you here.

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Made by Meganelf



Made 1000 posts on 7/22/06!!!!!!!!!

Oohh, lovely stories, everyone.. ^^;;
-twirltwirl- I've been neglecting this rather, ne?
Eh... it seems I'm back, for now.
Annnnd.... bring stories.. enjoy, and any feedback is welcome.
Now, I've written this from a point of view, that not all of you will understand.. it was written for a close friend of mine, so you probably won't get half of it.. just try and go with it. -nodnodnod-

-+- Life's Deceptions -+-

Flaming russet curls lay spread out against a pillow, that seemed wrought of ivory.. the deep scarlet of these glossy tresses set a fire against the sheets, that enveloped a girlish form; small hands lay on either side of this prone figure... fragile, like a broken china-doll.

Creamy white features offered some kind of angelic beauty.. so ironic, when compared to the vibrant shade of large, almond shaped eyes.. deep amethyst irises flaring with something more than a childish innocence.. even in spite of the boyish curves, and slopes of his face.
Beneath his right eye, a pattern lay embellished.. as if painted by an artist's hand, an intricate pattern of loops and swirls wound their individual ways to the boy's jaw... gracefully rippling across a milky cheek, as to depict an image of what could possibly be deemed a wing. Coral lips seemed made of rose-petals, themselves... parted in a light smile of blase intensity.

Jaenan the Angel.
Jaenan the Devil.
Hell's Ambassador.
Jaenan...

Jaenan...

"Jaenan."

The word brought the child into a sitting position, fly away curls shifting, and tumbling back over both shoulders, while small fingers clasped the sheets.
Jaenan had hardly been expecting such a wake up call.. if anything, he had thought himself utterly alone in this place.. this sanctuary of his, that no other had been told of.
Not until now.

At the foot of the bed, a shadowy figure stood, wreathed all in an osbidian velvet, the only colour visible was the startling emerald of wavy hair, falling in a thick sheet to his shoulder-blades...
Taeli Derjin had a habit of finding Jaenan.. no matter what the situation.. no matter how far he ran, or how long he would remain in a sultry state of childish petulance.

Offering a smile of malevolent irritation, Jaenan slipped away from the bed, gliding to the other side of the room, in almost a retreat from the invador.

"What do you want, Taeli?" His voice seemed little less than a murmer.. the tone high, and unbroken, like a young boy's.

"Ehehe.. come on, you devil.. you know why I come here...," Taeli lowered himself down to the edge of Jaenan's bed, coral orbs fixed on the Angel, as he pressed himself deeper into the shadows. "You've been requested, darlin'."

"Requested?" With a slight tilt of his head, Jaenan passed before the long mirror propped up against the heavy stone walls... ebony robes hanging just before his knees, as to reveal an ample amount of porcelain calf; the slopes rising and falling, with a feminine grace.
Taeli, on the other hand, remained sitting... apparently totally unmoved by the other's obvious agitation.

"Mhhmm.. requested... it seems your darling master wants you back," playing a laughing smile, the vampire gestured, listlessly, with a spidery hand. "You must have done something right this time, mustn't you?"

Violet orbs became like glass, as Jaenan turned on his heel, swiftly. Talk of his master never went down well..
"I didn't do what you're thinking, if that's what you mean... I told you I wouldn't."

"No? Ah, well... Lucifer must have gotten himself a heart, mustn't he?" Grinning, Taeli rose from his seat, idly begining to saunter away from Jaenan, again.. moving towards the waterfall that acted as a door to this hide-away.
A shroud of shimmering, cerulean waves... how ironic that they concealed Satan's ambassador, himself.
"He must have fallen in love with poor little Jaenan.. the little boy, mustn't he?"

Clenching his fists, Jaenan merely lowered his face.. a pale flush staining the gently curved cheeks.
"I'm not a little boy..."

"No, of course you're not, Jaenan...," offering a vulgar wink, Taeli slipped through the sheet of water, glancing back over his shoulder, one last time. "We both know that... just a shame you still look like one, isn't it?"

Then he was gone.. gone from Jaenan's self-made haven; his presence rapidly dissipating with an illusionist's clever skill.
Silvery tears pricked at the corners of the Angel's eyes, although he could barely conceal the conceited smile, that tugged satiny lips..
He had been taken back, had he not? Was that not all he had wished for?
Life held many deceptions, in its cold white hands... Jaenan was merely another of them.. a lie, wrought by a greater, and higher good... good, was not a thing that Jaenan yearned for, any longer... he had passed that barrier, years before.
Now, he was merely lost.

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Those who find ugly meanings, in beautiful things, are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault. -Oscar Wilde-

hmm, interesting. Vampires are awesome!

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<center> .nph ftw.
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-giggles- Aw, thank you! -hugs-
I know it's all very confusing... but I'm glad you liked the concept of the story. ^^;;

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Those who find ugly meanings, in beautiful things, are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault. -Oscar Wilde-

Oh no, you certainly haven't done that. If a writer can't take criticism then what hope have they got?


Thank you LDM, you've got the idea and the message I wanted to get across very well.

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"Without music, life would be a mistake." - Friedrich Nietzsche



"Make happy those who are near, and those who are far will come."

Fwee!

Seral, that story is great! It's a little confusing, but so eloquently written that I want more.
Just a question. In the first sentance, you wrote "Flaming russet curls lay spread out against a pillow, seeming wrought of ivory" Usually when I think of ivory, i think of it as pale, not bright red. Just my thought.

^ I think she meant the pillow was ivory..at least, that's what I gathered.

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-giggles- Aw, thank you. ^^;; I'll have more up as soon as I can.. and I'm glad that you enjoyed it.. sometimes I get the impression that I'm a bit too flowery with my description? It means a lot that you guys liked it.

-nodnodnod- Oh, and yesh... the ivory was for the pillow; I wasn't very clear. ^^''

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Those who find ugly meanings, in beautiful things, are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault. -Oscar Wilde-

Hey everyone! Great job Seral. I have something to post as well. I had to write a dumb poem for english class, but I turned out very pleased with the results. Tell me what you all think!

Inspiration with doubt
I watch people
live free
Hopelessly faking their pride
But I know otherwise
Can find no beauty in people in masks
But still...

Stories of tradgety, hope, strength, courage and abuse
Life itself to become my beautiful muse

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Made by Meganelf



Made 1000 posts on 7/22/06!!!!!!!!!

So, has anyone here ever expiriemented with writing in second person? ie, you couldn't stop running.

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<center> .nph ftw.
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I have! I only did it once, but I wrote a second-person, present-tense fic of Anakin's redemption. Here's the link for any who are interested:
Fulfilling Your Destiny

Well, I've written a lot lately, but a good bit of it is not acceptable to post. the last one was about a little boy witnessing his father kill himself.

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<center>“Envy consists in seeing things never in themselves, but only in their relations. If you desire glory, you may envy Napoleon, but Napoleon envied Caesar, Caesar envied Alexander, and Alexander, I daresay, envied Hercules, who never existed.”
at one point, I was alejandrah.