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Post subject:  Posted: June 16th, 2006, 7:33 pm |
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Joined: 30 March 2006
Posts: 2880
Location: Tejas
Country: 
Gender: Female
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Read it out loud. It wa you who asked for help and this is constructive critisism. ( And I get deliverd Pizza tonight! GO Friends HOuse!)
_________________  "Holmes is a little too scientific for my tastes -- it approaches to cold-bloodedness"
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Post subject: Posted: June 16th, 2006, 7:56 pm |
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Joined: 25 November 2005
Posts: 4985
Location: I'm everywhere at once. I am currently lost in the land of quotes.
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That is really beautiful! I love it.  _________________ 
^Sig set made by me. PM for requests.
"I am he [she =P] that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Amen; and have the keys of hell and of death."
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Post subject: Posted: June 17th, 2006, 8:22 am |
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Joined: 14 June 2006
Posts: 47
Location: Legends Place
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I think it's beautifull! I've got a lot to learn still *sigh*
_________________
"Hello" is the beginning of "Good-bye"
98% of teens say "I love you" and don't mean it. If you are one of the 2% that do mean it put this on your signature
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Post subject: Posted: July 11th, 2006, 7:32 am |
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Joined: 02 July 2006
Posts: 3070
Location: Hitch-hiking to Vegas
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SHEA! I LOVE IT! That's so beautiful! Aw...I am so glad they're publishing it. *hugs sister* I am so happy for u.  
Sam _________________ <center>
Can't take the Kid from the Fight take the Fight from the Kid
engaged to Tyson Ritter-my love forever
<a href="http://www.dance-to-this-beat.net"> Dance to this Beat</a>
</center>
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Post subject: Posted: July 11th, 2006, 6:26 pm |
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Joined: 30 December 2005
Posts: 2901
Gender: Female
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I love it Shea!! It's so sad and beautiful, and it flows very nicely. I like it a lot.
_________________
"Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home."
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Post subject: Posted: July 12th, 2006, 3:37 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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Hey, nice job.
I like the way it reads. The only thing I would say is there is a couple places where the flow is a little rough but that could have just as easily been the way I was reading it rather than the way it was writen. But nice job.
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Post subject: Posted: July 12th, 2006, 3:37 pm |
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Joined: 30 March 2006
Posts: 5406
Location: Alabama, USA
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thank you everyone!!!!
_________________
<center>“Envy consists in seeing things never in themselves, but only in their relations. If you desire glory, you may envy Napoleon, but Napoleon envied Caesar, Caesar envied Alexander, and Alexander, I daresay, envied Hercules, who never existed.”
at one point, I was alejandrah.
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Post subject: Posted: July 16th, 2006, 2:56 pm |
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Joined: 05 July 2006
Posts: 18
Location: The Old Navy of Gondor
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Sad, but lovely. I think I agree with Jax about a couple places of the flow, but other than that you do a great job of making it clear that it's from the mother's point of veiw. When I was a baby I had some sort of sickness, and my mom and dad were definately up in teh middle of the night!! Good poem!
_________________
Those who are doomed to fall should not go sight seeing on Orthanc...
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Post subject: Posted: July 16th, 2006, 5:33 pm |
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Joined: 30 March 2006
Posts: 5406
Location: Alabama, USA
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*bows deeply* thank you, thank you, your far to kind.
i will say that it does need a bit of editing... its just i'm to lazy to do it! 
_________________
<center>“Envy consists in seeing things never in themselves, but only in their relations. If you desire glory, you may envy Napoleon, but Napoleon envied Caesar, Caesar envied Alexander, and Alexander, I daresay, envied Hercules, who never existed.”
at one point, I was alejandrah.
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Post subject: Posted: July 16th, 2006, 10:48 pm |
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Joined: 05 July 2006
Posts: 18
Location: The Old Navy of Gondor
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Hear hear... I never edit my poetry. ;D *is lazy* Oh well...
_________________
Those who are doomed to fall should not go sight seeing on Orthanc...
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Post subject: Posted: July 17th, 2006, 11:32 pm |
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Joined: 30 December 2005
Posts: 2901
Gender: Female
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Lol, I'm pretty bad about editing myself...
_________________
"Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home."
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