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A Talk With God http://www.arwen-undomiel.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=48&t=12298 |
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Author: | pip&leggyluvr [ November 8th, 2006, 9:11 pm ] |
Post subject: | A Talk With God |
I'm not totally done w/ this 1 yet......but 4 sum reason, whenever i post an unfiinished poem & get sum feedback, it helps me figure out wut 2 write next, so yha.....i wrote the 1st 5 stanzas literally like 8 months ago, & found it a couple days ago & wrote more....so yha, anyways here it is! Feed back, plz! ![]() You get down on your knees, and bow your head down low. You ask God to help you; He’s the only one who knows; The one and only answer, to your every prayer; The one and only person, who you know is always there. You look up to the sky, and your eyes fill up with tears. You confess to him everything; Your worries and your fears. He puts His hand on you shoulder, Says, “My child, don’t you cry. And I know it can be hard sometimes, But please don’t ask me why Things are the way they are. Why all the suffering? Why all the pain? I promise it’s all part of my plan; Your life shall not be in vain.” And as He says these things to me, Suddenly, I’m no longer afraid. My burdens are slowly lifted from me; My tears begin to fade. And I have this feeling all of the sudden, That no words could ever explain. A feeling of knowing, and of extreme comfort; Like I’ll never again feel sorrow or pain. And I tried to explain it To others, the next day. But I found no words that could tell them what it was that I wanted to say. But I know now, deep in my heart, That he truly is always there To listen and to comfort me; To hear my every prayer. |
Author: | Jax Nova [ November 9th, 2006, 4:54 pm ] |
Post subject: | |
Love it. ![]() It ryms very nicely and it has a wonderfull message. The only thing I would say is that it could flow a little better. But besides that wonderfull job. ![]() |
Author: | pip&leggyluvr [ November 9th, 2006, 10:54 pm ] |
Post subject: | |
thx! ![]() ![]() |
Author: | ~*ArwenEvenstar*~ [ November 11th, 2006, 7:33 pm ] |
Post subject: | |
I like it, Pip. ![]() ![]() |
Author: | Jax Nova [ November 18th, 2006, 12:44 pm ] |
Post subject: | |
pip&leggyluvr wrote: thx!
![]() ![]() With that what I usually try to do is just try to keep the ammount of sylables in each line approxamently the same. |
Author: | pip&leggyluvr [ November 19th, 2006, 9:29 pm ] |
Post subject: | |
hmmmm....that's a good idea Jax....if i ever get time 4 anything else besides hw, i'll try it ![]() |
Author: | Snowbird [ November 19th, 2006, 10:03 pm ] |
Post subject: | |
What a truly beautiful and inspiring poem! It seems finnished to me... Dunno what you guys think, but I think it's fine as is. |
Author: | pip&leggyluvr [ November 20th, 2006, 9:18 pm ] |
Post subject: | |
aw, thx! ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Author: | Kelenloth [ November 24th, 2006, 11:22 pm ] |
Post subject: | |
WOw, that is great, I love it, it is again a very beautiful poem, of of the best I have read. Jax Nova might be right, you could add a word or two here or there, but alltogether it is really amazing, and true. If you add mor I'm dure it will be great, but I think It is great how it is. |
Author: | pip&leggyluvr [ November 25th, 2006, 11:25 am ] |
Post subject: | |
aw, thanks! ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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