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| The Story of the Broken....(PG) *comments please* http://www.arwen-undomiel.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=48&t=14761 |
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| Author: | JC802 [ April 5th, 2007, 11:32 pm ] |
| Post subject: | The Story of the Broken....(PG) *comments please* |
This is my first poem......comments would be appreciated.....please be truthful if you don't like it tell me you don't and tell me why so I can try to change it..... well here it is...... The Story of the Broken He opened the door without any care Knowing that it would be lying right there He picked it up and read the first couple of pages Something that he had not read for ages He flipped through then he found something marked About Noah and the ark About God telling him the ways To live through a flood for forty days It reminded him about a time in his life Filled with much worry and strife When he left her out in the rain The night when he caused her so much pain He drove away without looking back With her sitting on her pack He had nights with her that he now regrets The times when he never did fret Her belly was now big she was having a child He knew he wasn’t ready to be for the responsibility So he dropped her off in the rain when she was in so much pain He then looked back at he book Reading something,he now shook It was about Jesus being on the cross Giving believers something that he thought he lost But he continued reading about everyone’s sins being lifted Something he had once thought that he was gifted He believed with all of his sins that he was surely condemed But he read that God had a different plan He thought back at the bars he had been to and the drugs he had taken and thought the book was surely mistaken but he kept reading and heard about the thief on the cross with Jesus How he had been saved at the very last moment The time when there was no hope The book said he went to Heaven The place of eternal peace Reading on in the precious book About what Jesus had took With nails through his hands Briars on his head like hooks Being put in the grave once he was dead With guards that did not sleep Put around his tomb His family and believers would weep Three days after the crucifiction was done He awoke! he was the father’s son! He ressurected and went to heaven Guards came to an empty grave He closed the book trying not to cry But failed with only one try He lied down on the bed and put his hands on his head He prayed that he would be forgiven That his soul would be cleansed From the many sins he had commited And he would not be condemed He awoke the next morning And got dressed for church Thinking he would be shunned Because of the people he hurt He walked in and sat in the back And to his surprise people actually spoke to him During the Invatation he walked to the front And bowed down to pray He was the last one to leave When the preacher spoke up He asked if there was life after death And the preacher said yes He began to cry and leaned on the preacher Tears in his eyes he told his tale to him His tale of hope and despair The preacher listened intently After he finished he asked if God would forgive him Though all his sins would surely condem him The preacher said that only you can save yourself Through Jesus christ is your only way He told the preacher he wanted to be saved To meet with Jesus after his grave the preacher told him to repeat a prayer And to mean it with all his heart Afterwards he was sobbing But his heart there was no throbbing As if his past was destroyed And nothing had ever happened The weeks went by and he lived his life Forgetting about his worry and strife He then opened the same door Without any care knowing that it would be lying right there He read the first couple of pages Something that felt like it wasn’t done for ages Quietly his breath ran still Knowing that he was filled He knew he was going to heaven he didn’t struggle His breath quickly left and his body went limp |
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| Author: | Risestel [ April 6th, 2007, 11:08 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
I liked the poem. A bit religious, but I like it. The only thing I see wrong is 'despair' is spelled 'dispair' Quote: He began to cry and leaned on the preacher
Tears in his eyes he told his tale to him His tale of hope and dispair The preacher listened intently |
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| Author: | JC802 [ April 7th, 2007, 10:54 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
thanks...I didn't notice that!!^^ |
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| Author: | Risestel [ April 8th, 2007, 10:46 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
You're welcome. ^^ |
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| Author: | Renji's Howl [ April 9th, 2007, 8:43 pm ] |
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That is really, really awsome Belle, be proud of yourself. |
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| Author: | JC802 [ April 10th, 2007, 5:53 pm ] |
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^^^thank you !!! |
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| Author: | Freya Baggins [ April 13th, 2007, 10:26 pm ] |
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Wonderful! Made me cry. |
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| Author: | JC802 [ April 14th, 2007, 9:03 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Just think how much I was crying while writing it!!!! thanks!! |
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| Author: | Eruraina [ April 14th, 2007, 1:33 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
That's really good! And like the message! It's awsome Belle! I hope to see some more work from you! |
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| Author: | JC802 [ April 14th, 2007, 2:07 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
thanks!! and you will......but it takes me days sometimes weeks to write a GOOD poem......I will sometimes write hundreds of poems before I finally find one I like.... |
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