I'm supposed to be happy,
not crabby;
my closest firend notices I'm a grouch,
everyone at school thinks I'm snappy;
don't they know the second annivarsary is coming up?

I refuse to forgive my former best firend
for hurting me and taking my best firend;
I know I hate her with a passion,
I hate her stupid band wanna-beness
and her nosiness,
can't she stay out of my space?This isn't me,
This isn't where I'm supposed to be,
why can't I forgive and move on with my life?

"It is easier to forgive an enemy then a friend.

_________________

Faith isn't the ability to believe long and far into the misty future.
It's simply taking God at His Word and taking the next step Joni Erickson Tada

okay... how can you post three poems... and there's only a minute between the posting times?

One was posted at 10:36, next one at 10:37, and this one at 10:38...

Did you already have these somewhere else? Or are they just off the top of your head and written down within a minute?

There's a little meaning to all three of them... but they seem sloppy, and missing stuff. It all seems too short! And I had a literature teacher say "Where you place your lines, makes all the difference" Try making some of your lines shorter...

And also, try to make your poems longer, so the readers can completely get the situation of the whole thing it's about!

And try to take more time on writing them! When I write a poem, the words I'm going to write down go through my head all day, and I write things down, and figure out what ryms with what on another section...

For a good example check out any of Jax Nova's work, he's even got a book out! You can find his work all over The Hall of Fire.

Other than that... It's good! Just needs a little work! lol!
(hope you don't mind me being critical... but that's what some writer's need)

Oh, and one last not, you might want to try using spell check on all three of your poems! I won't try to fix the spelling errors, 'cause I myself am really bad at spelling!

_________________

(}--{)Imagination Inspires Ideas -Zandain(}--{)
Married Cloud Strife 9/17/08

I copied and pasted them from the poetry forum I was on to here. Thanks for the criticism. Could you explain how they are sloppy?

_________________

Faith isn't the ability to believe long and far into the misty future.
It's simply taking God at His Word and taking the next step Joni Erickson Tada

Well... for one, there's no pattern in the versus. If you look at tolkien's many poems amidsts the LotR books(especially FotR), you can see that there's a pattern. Most of the time Tolkien has four lines in each verse(which is the same technique I use).

They seem to have wholes in them. Like a wool sweater missing thread. Or a glass cup with holes. Put more detail into it... more explination!

_________________

(}--{)Imagination Inspires Ideas -Zandain(}--{)
Married Cloud Strife 9/17/08

I like it, and if its free verse if fits the bill, if its not, try researching the style your trying to write.

Thanks. I write free-verse, I'm not much for ryhming.

_________________

Faith isn't the ability to believe long and far into the misty future.
It's simply taking God at His Word and taking the next step Joni Erickson Tada