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| Stained Glass Eye. (Rated G) http://www.arwen-undomiel.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=48&t=15276 |
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| Author: | Jax Nova [ May 21st, 2007, 3:25 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Stained Glass Eye. (Rated G) |
Dont' ask where this one came from.. I honestly am not sure. It just came out this way. A plastic heart and wooden tongue, Do the damage told. An illness spread through the young, Reaching to the old. A crystal hand, a stained glass eye, Looking out at me. Watching as the mortals die, He "sets their spirits free." But now the tail that darkness told, Has now come to an end. There are none left, young or old, They all have been done in. A metal shell, a porcelain heart, He fought to protect. But now he's torn his world apart, He destroyed all he could detect. He's left with only ghosts that be, To hear their deathly cry. Floating in the night to see, Through his single stained glass eye. |
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| Author: | Eruraina [ May 21st, 2007, 7:31 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Wow... that's kinda cool! It seems he toor himself apart... and got replacement stuff... and then he killed everyone else around him, and is now alone... or so it seems... lol! That's the tale of the man, With the single stained glass eyes... |
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| Author: | Jax Nova [ May 22nd, 2007, 2:53 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
lol yeah... like I said a bit stange. Thsoe come and go every now and then so I just write them down. And figure... "Whatever?" *shrugs* lol Thanks for the comment. |
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| Author: | Miriel [ June 9th, 2007, 6:42 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
That's amazing. Might I suggest though: None are left, whether young or old, They all have been done in. Nothing very different, just changed-around words. But yeah, it's awesome! |
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| Author: | Jax Nova [ June 11th, 2007, 4:13 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Thanks, and glad you liked it. 
As always suggestions are always appreciated. But really it doesn't fit in my mind... lol it's not a bad way to word it and infact Ilike the wording better. But the flow doesn't seem to fit in my mind really well. *shrugs* But thanks for the suggestion anways I always like to ehar them!
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| Author: | Miriel [ July 16th, 2007, 12:16 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
How about this? There are none left, young or old They all have been done in. I just changed one word. But it's fine if you don't like it. I mean, it's great the way it is! 
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| Author: | Jax Nova [ July 16th, 2007, 8:41 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
yeah, that deos fit better. thanks. I will edit it.
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| Author: | Miriel [ July 16th, 2007, 10:03 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
Cool! |
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| Author: | The Nightingale [ July 28th, 2007, 12:02 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
It's strange... but it's really good! |
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| Author: | Jax Nova [ August 15th, 2007, 11:03 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Thanks glad you liked it.
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| Author: | ~*ArwenEvenstar*~ [ August 15th, 2007, 5:22 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I like it. It definately has good imagery. Great job again, Jax.
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| Author: | Jax Nova [ August 16th, 2007, 10:28 am ] |
| Post subject: | |
Thanks for the comment. Glad you liked it. Imagery was one of the things I was kind of going for on this piece.
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