So, this is my OC Jasper's voicemail inbox. Although, how she has a phone is an interesting concept... Anyway! This should be funny. Check out my OC bios if you need to info.
One more thing: if the caller did not identify themselves, they will be named at the end of the message in [brackets].
Voicemail recording: *beep* Mára aurë, le suilon esse en Elbereth. You have reached the voicemail of Jasper Erenwei. I have probably lost my phone and am now frantically looking for it to call you back not. Please leave your name and a message after the beep, and I'll call you back when i find my phone. If i find my phone. I wonder where it is right now... -It's in your hand, Ella!- SHUTUP FREAK! Hold on one second. Simbel how many times have I told you not to call me Ella?? And now look what you've done! Are we still recording? Aw, crapp... Simbel you tinwit oaf I should *end recording*
*Beeeep!* Uhh, Jas, sorry about the Ella-thing... I forget we aren't in Valinor anymore... Anyway, we need you in Mirkwood again... Spider invasion... You will help, right? Thanks. And please don't slap me when you get this again, because it really won't help... Thanks.
[Simbel]
*Beeeep!* Jasper! Get your tail, oh wait you dont have a tail... Get your feathery self over here this instant! Where are you when we need you? The spiders are coming in throngs... oof this isn't exactly a good awf time... Please hurry! [failing of sword, clashing of metal] My phone's about to die... [spider's shriek] JASPERRR!
[Legolas]
*Beeeep!* Um, Jasper? You might want to reconsider going to the Battle of Helm's Deep... I have this awful feeling about you... Like you're gonna experience something worse than death! I'm really concer -Eru? Are you on the phone? Who are you talking to? Is it Mom?- No, Gladdy, I'm not talking to your mother!!! -Hi mom!!! I'm being good!- No she isn't, Mrs. Brandybuck, and... Wait, GLADDY I'M NOT TALKING TO YOUR MOTHER! -Mommy, Eru's yelling at me!- GLADDY GIVE ME MY FREAKIN PHONE!!! -Bye mom! Pippin stole a pie! I gotta eat it now! Bye!- Anyway, Jasper, don't go. Um... [end message; time ran out]
[Eru]
*Beeeep!* JASPER IT'S GLADDY HI I HAD SUGAR BUT I BET YOU CANT TELL HAHAHA I STOLE ERU'S PHONE!!! PIPPIN WANTS IT... Hey Jas, it's Pip... [In the distance Eru can be heard shouting Pipsqueak and Gladriel Brandybuck]Pay no mind to the... screams of anger... It's just, um, Mel & Elixa fighting... *nervous chuckle* *Gladdy seizes phone* JASPER THAT'S ERU SCREAMING SHE WANTS HER PHONE *giddy laughter* SHE MAD I NOT GIVING PHONE BACK HEHEH- ERU NOOO! MY PHONE NOW!!! [sounds of fighting and squeals][end message]
*Beeeep!* Jasper... Um... Just checking on you... Where are you? It's been tough... The front isn't exactly a safe place, and we could use ya here... Call me... -xoxo
[Luciola]
*Beeeep!* JASPER ERENWEI WHAT THE HECK WHERE ARE YOU? OUR MEN ARE DYING WE NEED YOUR WINGS! MISSY THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING!!! What? Huh? Oh, Myrtle says you are supposed to be in Gondor or something... Not with us... We are near the Lonely Mountain... And Myrtle says we don't have any men here... More like Elves and Dwarves... Um... Golly this is embarrassing... MAN THE HATCHES! SWAMP THE DECKS! Huh? Oh, Myrtle says we're not on a ship... Well, I'll talk to you later, Miss Jasper Erenwei! I expect a full report!!!! TO THE DEATH! I- [end message]
[Eri]
*Beeeep!* *sigh* Sorry about that, Jas. Eri's a little unstable today... She thinks she's the general of the war... And you are her lieutenant, seeing as you are the same species and all... AN-yway, Sorry again. She might call you back. I'll try to keep her out of mischief. -Myrtle, over and out.
*Beeeep!* Jasper, you creepy hugely-tall black-winged freak, STAY AWAY FROM... Um... THE FELLOWSHIP! YEAH! But keep on insulting the Boy Youngling... That's good. Aw, heck, Bree, she's a freak and I don't like her! I don't care if she hears me she's so annoying and I think she ought to be- [end message]
[Bolt]
*Beeeep!* My dog is such a jerk sometimes. Feel free to slap him.
[Bree]
*Beeeep!* JASPER CALL ME BACK ALREADY WE NEED YOU TO TO MAN THE CROW'S NEST AND THE BATTLE STATIONS! THE WORMS ARE COMING IN SWARMS! Wha? No worms? OH, ORCS! OF COURSE! I KNEW THAT! Wait, no crow's nest? Then what is Jasper supposed to do? CALL ME BACK MISSY! Jasper's kind of useless, isn't she Myrtle? Oh, no? Woops. Um... UNTIL NEXT TIME FIEND! YOU WONT GET AWEAY SO EASILY MWAHAHAH- [end message]
[Eri]
*Beeeep!* Sorry again, Jasper... *sigh*
[Myrtle]
*Beeeep!* Jasper, have you even checked your inbox at all? Get over here! And um... Call me. -Xoxo
[Luciola]
*Beeeep!* Check you voicemail jibbubs. Yes you should. Hehehe.
[Merry & Gladdy]
*Beeeep!* You will die, preciousss. Yes, you will see. We will takes you, and grabs you, and squeeze you! *maniacal cackle* Wot? Not fat Hobbit phone number? We are sorry, precioussss. Coming nice master!!!
[Gollum, if you couldn't guess...]
END OF MESSAGES