its good, its just seems a bit too non-poemish. it seems a bit closer to a story. get it together in a good form and it'll be awesome
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| Her Choice - Poem http://www.arwen-undomiel.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=48&t=6199 |
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| Author: | Estë Undómë [ February 17th, 2006, 5:51 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Her Choice - Poem |
First attept at this poem, please tell me what you think. Look into her eyes and see the longing for her love to return, See her gaze across the open plains and sit staring into space, thinking of him, What is he doing? Is he ok? Does he still love her? Only he can answer these questions that she asks herself so frequently. Only he can take away the longing and the deep pain in her heart. Her heart once so full of life is now so suddenly stilled. Should she go as Ada says? Should she go? But could she leave him, and go where her love for him is evergreen… But never more than a memory? A tear trickles down her pale cheek and she wonder’s if her Ada is right; for he is wise and only wants to see her happy. Down through the wood she goes, her decision has been made. To leave Middle-Earth and be healed of pain and remain safe. But what’s that, there in the distance? A child, her child. And her love picking him up, swinging him high and kissing his cheek. Ada saw this, she thinks to herself. Why didn’t he tell her? To go now would be a waste; she would never see her son, never hold him in her arms. Turn back and confront him. She can’t go now. Over the bridge and up the steps; there her Ada is reading. “Arwen?” He asks, sure that she had gone. He has the gift of foresight, what did he see? Death. But also life...he saw her son Re-forge it, the blade of Narsil. Only her love can wield it now. Take it to him, take it to Aragorn, Elessar, Elfstone; heir of Isildur. Does the "Only her love can wield it now" bit make sence? Give me your honest opinion. |
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| Author: | Witch_King_of_Angmar [ February 17th, 2006, 5:55 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
its good, its just seems a bit too non-poemish. it seems a bit closer to a story. get it together in a good form and it'll be awesome
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| Author: | Estë Undómë [ February 17th, 2006, 6:03 pm ] |
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True but I don't want it all rhyming, I find it too hard. Writing books/stories is more my thing, just thought I'd give the old poetry a go! |
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| Author: | Witch_King_of_Angmar [ February 17th, 2006, 6:13 pm ] |
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rhyming isn't necessary, just get it into a format where it flows better(ideally with less words in the longer sentences) |
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| Author: | Jax Nova [ February 17th, 2006, 7:22 pm ] |
| Post subject: | |
I do agre with Witch_King_of_Angmar it is more like a story. However I have read many stories in "poem form" and it seems to me that is pretty much what this is. Me personaly can't write them very well, but I did like yours. |
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| Author: | Estë Undómë [ February 18th, 2006, 4:37 am ] |
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Thanks, I'll work on it some more and then post it again for your approval! Like I said, I'm more of a story person than a poem person. |
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| Author: | Jax Nova [ February 18th, 2006, 3:50 pm ] |
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Well, that's not a bad thing. If you like writing poetry the more you work at it the better you will get so.... |
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| Author: | Estë Undómë [ February 19th, 2006, 6:40 am ] |
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Yep, thanks for the advice and honesty.
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| Author: | Estë Undómë [ February 20th, 2006, 1:05 pm ] |
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I've re-written it in a slightly different way, would apriciate an honest opinion. (Too much rhyming etc.) So here goes, promise not to laugh... Someday he'll return, she knows it in her heart, In an inevitable act of fate they sadly had to part. Now she faces a dilemma, and she faces it alone. She has a choice, to loose her love and leave Rivendell, Or stay and accept fate that only time will tell. She went but then returned, For something new she had now learned. She saw their child, Eldarion. Hope came again. The shards of Narsil shall be reforged. Only her love could wield it now, Aragorn Elessar, Heir of Isildur. Quite a bit shorter. I didn't know whether to post it, dad laughed at it. Hope you won't do the same... 
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| Author: | Jax Nova [ February 20th, 2006, 6:54 pm ] |
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That's nice. I like the ryming on it. Althoug I would urge you to not change your styl if you don't want to regardless of what people say. You are always going to find somone who does like it and somone who does not.
But I think the way YOU write (any one person) is important. If you like it I would say do it. But you could do bothe...
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| Author: | Estë Undómë [ February 21st, 2006, 12:05 pm ] |
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Thanks, but I think this one is better... |
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| Author: | Jax Nova [ February 21st, 2006, 8:35 pm ] |
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Whatever you like I say do it. And I liked them both but I do agree with you and like the second better. Basicly because of the ryms... I have a thing for ryming so.... lol |
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| Author: | Estë Undómë [ February 22nd, 2006, 1:04 pm ] |
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Thanks for the advice Jax, I do like the second one better, it took me longer and isn't as story-like
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| Author: | Jax Nova [ February 22nd, 2006, 10:13 pm ] |
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| I like the second one better as well.
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