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It took me about two weeks to make this and I couldn't find anywhere else to put it. If there's a problem with it, then just say the word. It IS family friendly though.
Galadriel: A long time ago Middle Earth was peaceful, then one day Sauron began to exist and decided to possess 9 men in hopes of conquering the Earth… Unfortunately for him the bad guys never win.
Sauron: I am undefeatable.
Galadriel: As I was saying the bad guys never win and then Elendil and Isildur killed Sauron. Unfortunately for them no one in the entire prologue ever wins so yeah…
Isildur: Oooh A ring… This is MY trophy for winning the battle of the prologue.
Elrond: No! The ring has a bomb in it!
Galadriel: Enough of the Miss Congeniality references. As I was saying it can’t be a trophy for winning the prologue battle as NO ONE ever wins the prologue battle.
Isildur: Oh really? Well I’m gonna prove that even the elves are sometimes wrong so nyah!
Orcs: Shoot him for the sake of the Prologue.
Isildur: *dies*
Galadriel: See! I told you not to get involved in the Prologue, lucky for you, you weren’t the only one to get involved in it…. You see Gollum tried to take advantage of your death, pity he didn’t hear me tell him not to get involved in Prologues.
Gollum: Precioussssssss….
Galadriel: As you can see, even if you don’t get involved in battles you’ll still lose.
Bilbo: Huh? I won a game and won the ring, so it’s opposites day now is it?!?
Galadriel: The tragic tale is about to unfold…
Frodo: hmm, I seem perfectly normal for once in my life… for one thing I’m reading a book.
Gandalf: Hmmm… Wow, it’s all green and happy. There’s too much angst in my life.
Frodo: You’re late!
Gandalf: And how on earth did you check the time?
Frodo: *gay laugh*
Gandalf: Improve your laugh… Oh, never mind, you won’t need it for the rest of the movie.
Frodo: What do you mean? See! You disturb the peace by forseeing horrible things that will happen to me… How can anything of that sort happen to someone as jolly as me!
Gandalf: Frodo, Hobbits are too stubborn for my liking.
Frodo: Geez, Give it a rest, it’s only chapter one.
Gandalf: Oh, I suppose. Now go, I have business with your uncle.
Frodo: I’m of age! I wanna listen.
Gandalf: Nah, you don’t have grey hair, now scram.
Frodo: Stupid senior citizens.
Gandalf: *Knocks on door*
Bilbo: Who the hell is it!
Gandalf: Your old classmate
Bilbo: Oh! Gandalf… Come in.
Gandalf: Hobbits are too short for my liking.
Bilbo: I fell like too much marmalade spread over donuts… you wanna drink some really old wine so we can both be old freaks together?
Gandalf: That sounds great, now go get me the wine.
Bilbo: Ok.
Gandalf: Oooh! A ring… hang on, they talked about an evil ring in the prologue… what a coincidence!
Bilbo: You want sugar with that w- MY RING… And no, that’s not mine. I’m not a sissy and I don’t wear jewelry thanks.
Gandalf: Jewelry = Bling-Bling you oldie.
Bilbo: See! Even those who are older than me are saying I’m old… I need a vacation to have my hair coloured exotically.
Frodo: *does chicken dance*
Sam: *watching Rosie* Frodo, you dance gay.
Frodo: You weren’t even watching.
Sam: Oh yes, I was!
Frodo: If you think you’re SO good then go and dance to show me how it’s done… oh, and go dance with Rosie.
Sam: Hey… I’m younger than you, you know!
Frodo: *pushes*
Sam: Waaaa- Oh, Hi Rosie!
Frodo: *smirks*
Meanwhile…
Merry: We need to make it clear that we’re important.
Pippin: Hmm, How about this DRAGON firework
Merry: Dragons have Macho… little will they know that it’s a foreshadowing omen.
Pippin: So… is there an instructions booklet.
Merry: No.
Pippin: Okay, well this won’t be the only time I’ll do things I shouldn’t do… *sticks firework in ground*
Merry: Pippin, this looks foreshadowing.
Pippin: It was your idea
Merry: I’m supposed to be the SMART one who’ll eventually be the reason that you’ll be alive
Pippin: Well you’re not funny.
Merry: Well-
Firework: Boom!
Frodo: Bilbo run! DRAGON!!!
Bilbo: Frodo, you’re not funny.
Firework: *flies past*
Frodo: See?
Bilbo: Oh! That Dragon!
Firework: *Explodes*
Hobbits: *Clap Clap*
Gandalf: Hobbits have too many celebrations for my liking.
Bilbo: Now for my speech. I am now 111 and well as a birthday present I bought myself a one way ticket to Rivendell… so bye, sorry for my less than friendly parting but this movie really can’t have too much happiness from this point on.
Gandalf: Very funny joke, Did you know that you should inform people where you are going in case of an emergency?
Bilbo: I DID tell them where I was going chump.
Gandalf: Right, well you can’t take all of your stuff with you, you’ll have overweight baggage.
Bilbo: I know, I’m leaving everything for Frodo.
Gandalf: Oh, and your ring won’t pass customs.
Bilbo: Well I’ll hide it.
Gandalf: Are you trying to piss me off?
Bilbo: No
Gandalf: Good, now give me the ring.
Bilbo: Fine! It’s not my fault it’s covered in glue.
Later that day….
Frodo: It’s something unpredictable… but in the end it’s right… I hope you’ve had the time of your l- Where’s Bilbo?
Gandalf: He’s gone
Frodo: I knew it
Gandalf: On the up side…
Frodo: I get the family heirlooms.
Gandalf: Yes.
Frodo: And I get his ring!
Gandalf: Hang on… that ring looks annoyingly familiar to the ring in the prologue… *chucks in fire*
Frodo: Hey! You’re just jealous because I got a family heirloom.
Gandalf: This is not your family heirloom… it’s the family heirloom of Sauron.
Frodo: Well he had no family so it’s mine now.
Gandalf: *picks up ring* Frodo, This ring is CURSED! It’ll bring about the DOOM, Of us all!
Frodo: What the heck are you on about.
Gandalf: Read the stuff written on the ring.
Frodo: See! I need to sell my heirlooms so I can go to Elvish School.
Gandalf: It’s not written in Elvish, it’s written in Mordornese
Frodo: Well?
Gandalf: Well what?
Frodo: What the heck does it mean!
Gandalf: Oh! I already told you, it means that the world’s gonna be destroyed.
Frodo: I knew that.
Gandalf: I need to go visit a random library in Gondor so for now… don’t sell your “heirlooms”
A few miles away…
Gandalf: Hmm… Ah! The Library of the History Of Our Earth. “We have taken the bridge… The Nine have left…” Now I know WHY they say not to leave important info lying around.
Back in Hobbiton…
Frodo: I think I’m having a power out.
Gandalf: Boo.
Frodo: AHHHHHHH!
Gandalf: You know your so called heirloom and how I said it wasn’t your heirloom and you said that Sauron wasn’t alive so it was yours…
Frodo: Yeah.
Gandalf: Well, Sauron has come back.
Frodo: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Gandalf: So yeah, Sauron’s minions kidnapped Gollum and now they’re looking for you.
Frodo: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Gandalf: You need to get out of here.
Frodo: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Sam: *shears leaves loudly*
Gandalf: I think they are already here… get down.
Frodo: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Gandalf: *brings Sam into house*
Sam: NO! I didn’t do anything… I’m doing what I’m paid for and please don’t sue me! Please!
Gandalf: Nah, you can go with Frodo.
Isengard…
Gandalf: Yo, Saruman what’s up?
Saruman: Nothing but my extremely pointy ceiling and soon to be you.
Sam: Hi ho, Hi ho… an off to elves we go.
Frodo: *gets lost*
Sam: Hi… Ho… Frodo?? Where are you!
Frodo: Nothing can happen in Hobbiton.
Sam: Meaning that…
Pippin and Merry: *smash!*
Sam: They are the Black Riders… but disguised!
Frodo: Sam, stop being paranoid.
Merry: Speaking of paranoid. Farmer Maggot will be here any minute now… so Sam, as you’re the fattest YOU can hold the food.
Pippin: Yeah… now. Exit Stage left!
Sam: *sigh* The things I do for love. *smashes into others*
Merry: What is with the sudden cliffs getting main characters lost in ALL of the good movies?
Frodo: Now it’s my turn to be paranoid.
Sam: Everybody listen to Frodo.
Merry: Now it’s my turn to outshine Pippin.
.At Bree…
Frodo: Lucky, the Nazgul never learned to swim.
Sam: Yeah.
Pippin: Oooh! Pint.
Merry: …And it’s all mine.
Pippin: I am the mischievious one so yeah… I have authority to waste food.
Aragorn: *stares*
Sam: Erm, it’s not that important as everyone stares at us but some filthy ragged dude is.
Frodo: Oooh… ring….
People: Baggins… Baggins… Baggins…
Pippin: Baggins
Frodo: AHHH! Pippin!
Pippin: You’re forgetting that I’m allowed to make mischief!
Frodo: And I suppose this beer I’m about to slip on is another bit of your mischief? *slips*
Pippin: No, it’s important to the plot.
Frodo: *catches ring on finger*
Eye Of Sauron: Staring contest time…
Aragorn: *Seizes Frodo*
In Aragorn’s room…
Frodo: Who are you?
Aragorn: I am stinker.
Frodo: hence the name…
Sam: I’ve got fists and I’m not afraid to use them.
Pippin: I have a stool.
Aragorn: Chill out dude.
Meanwhile…
Nightwatch: Sorry, no horses allowed.
Nazgul #1: Oh yeah?
Nightwatch: Uh huh…
Nazgul #2: Oh yeah…
Nightwatch: Uh HUH!
Nazgul #3: *Smashes gate.*
Nazgul #4: Let’s go find the hobbits,
Nazgul #5: Uh oh… No one here.
Nazgul #6: Let’s take out our anger on the pillows.
Back in Aragorn’s Room…
Aragorn: Nazgul Alarm… Let’s scram.
Frodo: I’m scared.
Pippin: Time for me to throw in some food based humor through the angst.
At Weathertop…
Aragorn: It’s really odd how I seem to know everything but still need to give this place a look…
Frodo: Crap. More Angst.
Pippin: Let’s have a midnight feast while the goody-goody is sleeping.
Frodo: Scram you MORONIC IDIOTS!!!
Nazguls: We’re faster than you chumps.
Frodo: Form an orderly queue to face them guys… oh, And I call the back.
Sam: Ow.
Merry: Eeek
Pippin: Akk
Frodo: …And then there was one, Wait! I have this ring of invisibility SO SUCK – OWWWW!
Aragorn: If I had arrived a little earlier the trilogy may have had a happier ending.
Later…
Frodo: My eyes are paler than usual
Sam: Is Frodo going to die?
Aragorn: Chill out Sam, he’s on the other movie covers ain’t he? Now go get us some Kingsfoil.
Arwen: As they couldn’t be stuffed casting Glorfindel I get more parts in this movie… lucky me.
Frodo: OMG! She’s like so totally backlight full!
Arwen: I’ll take Frodo to my dad.
Aragorn: No, You don’t send a woman to do a man’s job.
Arwen: You’re sexist at the max. Anyway my daddy hates you!
Aragorn: Fine!
Like the next day at the Ford…
Nazguls: We have water Phobia.
Arwen: Well face your fears if you want Frodo chumps.
Nazgul #1: Ok, on the count of 3… 3, 2, 1…
Arwen: *Elvish Dialogue*
Water Horses: Don’t worry, I suppose there is nothing wrong with being water phobic.
Arwen: *More Elvish Dialogue*
Elrond: *Even More Elvish Dialogue*
In Rivendell…
Frodo: I LIVE!!!
Gandalf: And so do I!
Elrond: And it’s all thanks to me.
Sam: OMG! Frodo, you’re alive.
Frodo: Duh! OMG! Bilbo’s alive too!
Bilbo: Yep.
Meanwhile…
Gandalf: So… Everyone is happy but we’ve still got half the movie to go.
Elrond: Meaning the angst ain’t over.
Gandalf: Yeah, but it’s over for Frodo.
Elrond: What makes you think Frodo isn’t self-sacrificing?
Gandalf: Nothing, ok… whether Frodo takes the ring or not Sauron is going to doom us all!
Elrond: I worked that out my self.
Gandalf: Meaning WAR!
Elrond: I worked that out too.
Gandalf: Saruman’s evil as well!
Elrond: And that too.
Gandalf: So? What’s the plan smartypants!
Elrond: A fellowship of peoples.
Gandalf: What about the war!
Elrond: Nobody loves me and nobody will come to my aid.
Gandalf: It’s true that nobody loves you but men will come to your aid.
Elrond: Weren’t you paying attention to the prologue? MEN ARE WEAK!
Gandalf: OMG! You racist person, men aren’t weak… it was just because it was the PROLOGUE!
Elrond: Whatever, I still want a fellowship.
In some chamber…
Boromir: OMG! Broken sword of the prologue
Aragorn: What part of “Never get involved in Prologues” don’t you understand?
Boromir: Ouch.
Aragorn: Serves you right, besides that’s just a foreshadowing of what’s going to happen to you.
Boromir: What on earth do you mean!
Aragorn: Work it out yourself, I’m gonna go make out with Arwen now.
At the council…
Elrond: So! I’ve decided to pick nine important people to be in “The Fellowship Of Elrond’s Extreme Greatness.”
Gandalf: You suck Elrond.
Boromir: Yeah! You suck Elrond!
Aragorn: No he doesn’t!
Boromir: What do you know chump!
Legolas: He’s prettier than you, but I’m prettier than both of you!
Gimli: Oh, but destroying the ring will ruin YOUR good looks… So I think I’ll do it.
Boromir: No I will take the ring! But I won’t destroy it!
Legolas: Gang up on Boromir!
Gandalf: Yeah!
Frodo: I’ll take the ring.
Boromir: But I’m tougher,
Aragorn: But I’m more aggressive.
Gandalf: But I’m smarter.
Gimli: I’m funnier.
Legolas: I’m prettier!
Elrond: Chill! You can all be in the Fellowship! Now, If my calculations are correct we still need 3 people.
Sam: One
Merry: Two
Pippin: Three
Sam, Merry and Pippin: Pick ME!!!
Elrond: Ok. Fellowship fulfilled. Now scram. That’ll get rid of them…
A week later…
Boromir: I will be the sword fighting teacher for the day.
Pippin: Dog pile on the teacher.
Birds: OMG! The fellowship! Let’s steal their chips.
Aragorn: HIDE!
Gandalf: Phew, If we want to have chips when we get to Mordor then we better go through the snowstorms.
In the snowstorms…
Legolas: Skipity doo-dah skipity day…
Gimli: You’re not funny Legolas.
Frodo: Yeah. If you had decency then you’d help us.
Saruman: They don’t have pneumonia yet, natural disaster time.
Legolas: I’m still pretty.
Everyone else: *ignores Legolas*
Boromir: Let’s go through Rohan and then make for Gondor so I can command you all.
Aragorn: Yeah, but Rohan takes us too close Eowyn’s burning desires to be my girlfriend!
Gimli: We could take the pass through Moria.
Everyone other than Frodo: I call not deciding.
Frodo: Aww, leave it to the one who has no idea what’s to come… eeny meeny miney moe… I pick Moria.
In Moria…
Gandalf: Crap, I suck at lateral thinking puzzles.
Pippin: Let’s chuck stones.
Aragorn: I know everything, so don’t disturb the water.
Frodo: OMG! I know the password… it’s… Mellon!
Sea Monster: Did someone say MELLON??? I wanna MELLON!
Frodo: AHHHH!
Sea Monster: I’ll eat you instead.
Legolas: I am nothing more than a pretty-boy stunt-man.
Sea Monster: Curse your stunt-man-ness.
Cave: *Caves in*
Aragorn: Just when I thought I’d rather be Eowyn’s guy…
Legolas: Did you live here Gimli? Because you suck if you did.
Everyone else: Shut up Legolas.
Gimli: OMG! A tomb… time for me to cry.
Aragorn: Gimli’s crying but there isn’t angsty and sad music… uh oh.
Troll: I am the toughest character in the Video Game so far!
Frodo: Help!
Everyone Else: DIE DIE DIE!
Sam: The Age of the Saucepan Warriors has come!
Troll: I’m not dead yet… nyah nyah!
Legolas: More stuntman action.
Troll: *dies*
Balrog: So you think you’ve beaten that level in the video game… Unfortunately you have to fight him again if I kill you! Mwahahahaha!
Gandalf: Run like the wind my homies!
Legolas: London Bridge is falling down…
Gandalf: Shut up and jump.
Aragorn: This makes out that ME and FRODO are the most important ones here.
Balrog: You can run, but you can’t hide!
Gandalf: Everybody over the bridge, I’ll be self-sacraficing.
Balrog: DIE DIE DIE!
Gandalf: Sorry, there is construction going on… you shall not pass.
Balrog: Good for you… crap.
Gandalf: Moral: Never go anywhere if there is construction happening.
Aragorn: Forget about the moral and get your butt over here.
Balrog: 3…2…1…BEEP!
Gandalf: Crap… Moral: Don’t waste time with Moral’s.
Outside Moria…
Legolas: I have feeling, but I do not cry for it will ruin my looks.
Aragorn: Get up you crybabies!
Frodo: *puppy eyes*
Lothlorien…
Legolas: See! You can’t DIE in Elvish places you midget.
Gimli: *rolls eyes*
Haldir: How dare you insult us elves!
Gimli: Elves are scary.
Haldir: Good for you, now you have an appointment with the queen.
Celeborn: Nine people left Mordor, 2 men… a dwarf… and elf… and four hobbits, wait that’s only 8! Hmm… OH! There was also a Wizard!
Galadriel: Yeah, but he fell.
Everyone Else: *Awkward Silence*
Aragorn: Galadriel, You meanie… you made Boromir cry.
That night…
Aragorn: So? What’s wrong Boromir, don’t worry… you can tell me!
Boromir: She said I’ll fail my stewardship exam.
Aragorn: …
Meanwhile…
Frodo: I’m going to take a midnight stroll.
Galadriel: You wanna look in my water basin of untrue future?
Frodo: As I don’t mind angst… Ok. *Looks in mirror* OMG! My life flashed before my eyes!
Galadriel: So… you gonna give me a tip?
Frodo: Oh, I’ll give you my ring.
Galadriel: *Freak Out*
Frodo: …Or not.
Next day…
Boromir: Let’s scram.
Aragorn: Sam and Frodo can come with me as I’m important.
Legolas: Row, Row, Row your boat gently down the stream… throw the Dwarf overboard and then you watch him scream…
Later that day…
Gimli: This is the island of foreshadowingness right?
Aragorn: Yep.
Gimli: Damn.
Merry: Sorry to tell you this but, the foreshadowing has started… Frodo has gone!
Aragorn: Boromir’s shield is full of symbolism.
Meanwhile…
Boromir: Can I have the ring?
Frodo: *sigh* The ring is from the PROLOGUE!
Boromir: I’m tougher than you, I’m smarter than you, I’m cooler than you and I’m prettier than you…
Frodo: So? I’m more important than you…
Boromir: I’m also bigger than you…
Frodo: Then pick on someone your OWN size…but for now, toodles. *puts on ring*
Boromir: I forgot to add that I’m more significant than you.
Eye Of Sauron: I see you!
Frodo: *takes off ring* …Or not..
Aragorn: Boo.
Frodo: Ahh!
Aragorn: I’m NOT Boromir, he’s fatter than me.
Frodo: But still, I don’t really want to socialize anymore.
Aragorn: Right, well scram.
Orcs: Unka-Chucka Unka-Chucka.
Aragorn: Take this, and that… and that… and a bit of this!
Legolas: Stunt-man to the rescue!
Meanwhile…
Frodo: Huff Puff Huff Puff…
Pippin: Hi Frodo!
Frodo: I am separating myself from my cousins without even giving hugs… I am the king of angst.
Merry: Well, I wanna be the king of brave self-sacrificing people… YO ORCS! WASSUP?
Pippin: And I want to be the king of scared people who run like mad.
Orcs: Get ‘em
Boromir: ME to the rescue.
Lurtz: Shoot darts at Boromir because we all hate him.
Boromir: Dang, …And I’m not on any of the other movie covers.
Merry & Pippin: !
Merry: Let’s go get ‘em
Pippin: Even if he’s going to die trying to save us.
Orcs: There they are!
Lurtz: You go ahead, I have to finish off this dude.
Aragorn: Not If I have something to say about it.
Lurtz: *dies*
Boromir: I’m so sorry I didn’t listen to you… I should never have gotten involved in the prologue. I’m sorry.
Aragorn: Aww… I finally like you. :*(
Boromir: Goodbye fair world!
Aragorn: *tear*
Legolas: ARAGORN!!! LOOK AT ME!!! I’M DIRTY AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!
Aragorn: Good for you, Boromir’s dead so be sentimental now.
Meanwhile…
Sam: Frodo! Come back, TTT would be a REALLY boring movie if you had no one to talk to!
Frodo: So?
Sam: This movie won’t win awards, and I’ll drown myself if that’s so because I don’t want to be in it!
Frodo: Oh, whoops. Now the audience has to put up with angsty drowning slow motion.
Meanwhile…
Aragorn: O Boromir!
Legolas: Don’t worry, they cut that out of the movie.
Gimli: Good, cause I don’t get to sing.
Legolas: I wonder why…
Aragorn: Guys, stop fighting.
Gimli: Who cares, the fellowship is already screwed.
Aragorn: Now for my moral speech.
Legolas: So, it’s not over.
Aragorn: Nup, the story continues on December 17th.
_________________ 
Originally Black Rider 11... Cut short and not so sweet.
Wanna Glitter name? Just ask
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