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PostPosted: February 25th, 2007, 12:39 pm 
Swashbuckler
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Thanks guys, those suggestions really helped a lot! We do have two characters that fall into the evil side, so I guess that would be considered 'betrayers' especially because the others on the good side don't know yet.


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PostPosted: February 25th, 2007, 1:56 pm 
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^ That sounds exciting! People turning to the evil side without the good side knowing...

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PostPosted: February 25th, 2007, 4:43 pm 
Lady of Strife
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hm... the evil guy ... well, he's a king that shouldn't be king whose like 100 years old and only looks 16... his captain is a mage... (hm... suddenly it sounds a bit like Eragon because the mage is killed in the first book...)

*cut even if it does sound alike... I get my ideas from dreams... not other books!

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PostPosted: February 25th, 2007, 5:22 pm 
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It always turns out like that doesn't it? You write a story, and no matter what it's about it sounds like another story?

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PostPosted: February 25th, 2007, 5:25 pm 
Maia
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yep. Pretty much.

Hey, I wrote this last night and I was lookin for some opinions...


Darkness enveloped the old battle field, shadows creeping up from the high swaying grass. The shadows stood as swirling forms of the dead and gone. Wisps of black smoke whirled around their deformed bodies. There were several prominent shadows emerging to stand on large rocks or hills. Every shadow looked menacing and ready to engulf any unsuspecting being who dared to meddle in their affairs.

The prominent shadows started to bark orders at their minions when in a surge of light, beings started to materialize in every gap between the shadows. White smoke billowed about these new warriors as they began to prepare their own attack. There were only three prominent figures of light, but the others were by no means small and insignificant. As if the whole battle had been carefully laid and thought out, the beings of light sprung upon their opponents, defeating most effortlessly.

And then, the scene changed and all went black. A small light flickered on in the distance, a haunting voice filling the air as the light approached.

<center>“Whom shall you fear?
Your life is fading, your body failing…
Whom shall you fear?
The fields host battles, the shadows dance…
Whom shall you fear?
All happiness is gone, the end is here…
Whom shall you fear?”</center>

The light at the end of the tunnel engulfed me just as sirens began to wail.

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PostPosted: February 25th, 2007, 5:29 pm 
Lady of Strife
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Oh wow! Thats good! You imagine an epic battle... and make it sound like something, when it's really something else!

Very impressive!

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PostPosted: February 25th, 2007, 5:32 pm 
Maia
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by "Sound like something, when it's really something else" what do you mean exactly? :D It is something else, actually.

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at one point, I was alejandrah.


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PostPosted: February 25th, 2007, 5:34 pm 
Lady of Strife
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Oh, I ment one thing... lol... sorry, sometimes I type/say one thing, and mean another... if you know what I mean.

hm... I seem to get week and weak mixed up... I let my mom read my story, and she edited it for me. *goes and makes edits to story*

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PostPosted: February 25th, 2007, 5:36 pm 
Maia
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I still don't understand what the comment is intended to mean. lol! It's supposed to represent a spiritual battle, if that's what you intended to say. :D

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<center>“Envy consists in seeing things never in themselves, but only in their relations. If you desire glory, you may envy Napoleon, but Napoleon envied Caesar, Caesar envied Alexander, and Alexander, I daresay, envied Hercules, who never existed.”
at one point, I was alejandrah.


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PostPosted: February 25th, 2007, 5:38 pm 
Lady of Strife
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yeah! Like at first you wouldn't know that it's a battle for someone's life in an ambulance. You think it's just a battle in a gosty realm or something until that last sentence!

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PostPosted: February 25th, 2007, 5:42 pm 
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lol! It's not a person in an ambulance! It's a little girl having a dream, vision, type thing. She lives WAY in the future and...

Well, I can't quite explain the rest without going into details that would break rules. How's about I send you a PM?

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<center>“Envy consists in seeing things never in themselves, but only in their relations. If you desire glory, you may envy Napoleon, but Napoleon envied Caesar, Caesar envied Alexander, and Alexander, I daresay, envied Hercules, who never existed.”
at one point, I was alejandrah.


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PostPosted: February 25th, 2007, 5:44 pm 
Lady of Strife
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Sure! That would be cool! In a little while I'll post the first section in this story I'm writing... er... all four sections in one post... no, it would be to long... or would it? Not sure! I'll see...

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PostPosted: February 25th, 2007, 6:04 pm 
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Ooh, Curran, PM me with the info too, that was really a great read.

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PostPosted: February 26th, 2007, 7:32 pm 
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Hi, it's been a very looong time since last time I visited this club, but I'll try to be more active around here. I've finally managed to write something "good", and I wanted to share it with you guys. I know the grammar sucks, but I've originally written this is Norwegian, so I had to translate it into English. I hope you'll understand this anyway. Enjoy! :D


Clan hate

Prolog

09:47 26. October


“Lizzie, are you coming soon?” Calanthe called from the outsider.” I’ll be there soon!” Elizabeth called back. It had been so long since last time they went out together, a whole month! As she went through the door Calanthe placed her hands to her hips and said:” Why did take so long? We’re just gonna run down a couple of streets!” “You’ll never know,” Elizabeth answered and locked the door.” Just imagine if we meet a random handsome man who asks us if we know where that or that place is or anything like that?” Calanthe shaked her head and said nothing. She’d got used to her friend’s thinking.
“Oh, by the way, my parents called me again. There! There you have my excuse!”
“What did they want this time?” Calanthe said.” Oh, nothing special, the usual,” Elizabeth answered. After her parents moved to the next neighbor city, it had been many phone calls in the past weeks since none of her parents where still able to drive, and therefore they couldn’t visit her.” like I had to be careful, not involve with lunatics, telling that they’re always there for me and they love me, yeah, you know, that stuff,” she said and rolled her eyes. “ We’d better be going if we’re likely to get rid of some of the candies from yesterday!” Elizabeth said and grinned.

They’d just exited the park running and they’d just begun on the road down towards one of the most quiet and almost abandoned streets when it suddenly could be heared a car.” Wow, look there! I didn’t believe someone actually was here!” Calanthe said and raised her eyebrows.” We’re here,” Elizabeth reminded her. Calanthe didn’t say anything, just grinned. Then it was like if something, or someone was watching them. They turned around and looked at the big, black incredible hummer. The driver rolled down the window and asked:” Pardon, my ladies, but do you know the way to the city hall? I’d loved to get some advise, I have no idea where this stuff’s placed in this city.” The two girls looked at each other before they looked at the unknown driver. He had light, shabby hair hanging over the black sunglasses, hiding his eyes. Even with sunglasses on, he looked quite amusing.” What did I tell you?” Elizabeth whispered triumphing to her friend. Before Calanthe could answer, Elizabeth said:” The city hall’s down that street,” she pointed at the opposite direction,” if you follow the street till you spot the church, you’ll also spot a crossroad. Take to the left and continue down the road. When you’ve reached the end, you’ll better be seeing the city hall. It’s right in front of you.” “OK, thanks for your help and kindness,” the driver said and made credit for them.
“So,” Elizabeth said,” What do you think of that handsome guy?” she grinned.” Well, he’s OK, I suppo---” Suddenly the back door on the car opened and two men in black stepped outside. Without warning, they grabbed the girls; one arm around their mouths and faces, the other around their waist and dragged them into the car. Elizabeth and Calanthe waved their hands and tried to beat them, but to no use. Both of the men were muscular and big like houses. The last thing that could be heard before the door were slammed shut, were two desperate and muffled cries for help.

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PostPosted: February 26th, 2007, 8:18 pm 
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Thats good, Ruby! Exciting! Can you PM me the next section when you get it done?
Oh, and here's the prologe(or however it's spelt) of my story!

The Elementals
Prolouge

<center>Image</center>

New York City, New York
A fourteen year old boy lay on the top bunk of a bunkbed, a black ring was starting to show around a swollen eye. Blood from a cut dripped into his other eye, making it hard for him to see. But long black hair covered his grey colored eyes.
"Are you pouting, Donwin?" asked his cellmate.
"I.. won that fight... remember?" Donwin gasped through gritted teeth. Just hours ago he had gotten in a fight with another boy on school ground.
"Yeah, but you're in juvey," tonted the boy. Donwin clenched his teeth and fists, trestraining himself from punching the boy.
I don't even know your name, dude. So just leave me alone! he thought, gasping at a wave of pain started from his chest. Donwin was sure he had a broken rib. A guard came to their cell, and opened the barred door.
"Alright Donwin, your mom's here to pick you up."
Donwin slowly sat up, and jumped down, wincing when he landed. The guard ushered him out, and closed the door behind him. The boy that was his cellmate leaned against the bars.
"See yeah back here soon, dude!" he called after them.
They walked down many corridors, Donwin knew his way around, for this wasn't his first time in Juvy. When they made it to the front office, a woman with highheels, too short a skirt, a too tight blouse, black hair in a clip, too much make-up, and an unlit cigarett in her hand, came over and hugged him.
"Donny, Darlin'! Are you alright? You've ot a blackeye." she pushed his knotted, blood stained bangs out of his face. Donwin pulled away from his mom, and walked out, his mother following with a sigh. He got into the passenger seat of a red mustang convertable with the top down, and watched his mom get in the driver's seat and drive away. For a long while, not one spoke, but Donwin's mom, Kiss, was the first to speak.
"Why, darling?"
"hm?"
"Why? Why do you steal, get in fights and such? Why don't you talk to me?" No reply. Kiss stopped the car ubrutly, obviously agry now.
"Donwin Chris Lorenz, talk to me!" she only said his full name when she was angry, drunk, or high.
"Maybe I wouldn't have to steal if I had a mom who would buy food and supplies instead of fansy, unneeded stuff and drugs. Maybe I wouldn't get in fights if my mom wasn't a stripper that they wouldn't make fun of!" Donwin yelled, getting out of the car, and slamming the door.
"I try Donwin! Get back in the car!" Kiss pleaded.
"I wish dad was still alive!" he yelled, his voice going hoarse, as he stomped away, not caring were he was going.
After a few minutes he was out of breath, panting, and had a cramp in his side, not to mention main through his chest. Donwin looked up at the sky. It had to be a breezeless day... and be so hot for early spring. He found himself infront of a small library, and decided if it had airconditioning, it would be okay. Plus it would be the last place his mom would look for him, If she cared to look, he thought, climbing up the front steps. When inside, he made hisway through the sheelves of books, avoiding contact with anyone. When he came to the very back, he found a corner with now one around, and sat down. His arms crossing over his knees, and his forhead laying on his arms.
Donwin lifted his head, and glanced at the library clock above him. A half hour had gone by.
I must have dozed off, he thought, then saw a book laying there right next to him. It was leather bound, with golden titles. 'Onercs'. There was one more thing under it. 'Elementals'. Onercs must be the title, and Elementals the series. he thought, but didn't know how wrong he was. Opening up the heavy book, he read through it. It described a small island. At the South-Eastern corner, there was a forest full of trees, bushes, grass, and moss of every kind. In the North-Eastern corner there were active volcanoes, and cracks everywere that fire flickered out of. On the South-Western corner, there was a sandbeach, that was completely submurged on full moons, nights, and midday. On the North-Western corner, it was mountanous, and foggy all the time, yet there was a breeze always there. The skies were always clear and the water around the island were crystal clear and went on and on past the horizon.
I would love to be in the mountanous part, he thought, and turned to the next page to see a map of the island, and noticed an eightlegged star right in the middle of the island. The next page was a beautiful picture of the mountains. It was at sunset, and the colors were beautiful, and there was a wonderful view of the horizon amidst the mountains.

With a smile, Donwin touched the picture, then suddenly felt himself falling, falling...

<center>Image</center>

Las Angales, California
"Now spell clostraphobic(sp?)," the words echoed around the autitorium.
"Clostraphobic. C-L-O-S-T-R-A-P-H-O-B-I-C. Clostraphobic." a fifteen year old girl, with green eyes, and shoulder length brown hair said into a microphone. She wore a plad skirt, and white blouse with a piece of paper with the number 11 pinned on it. Red fraimed glasses hung on her nose.
"That is correct. Congradulations, you have won the state championship spelling bee, Tresha O'Donald." came the speaker's voice. Tresha jumped up and down screaming, as the crowd in the auditorioum did the same thing. A man in a suite came out from back-stage, holding three things. A trophy, a book, and a certifacate.
"Congradulations, Tresha, for being the honorable state spelling-bee winner! I award this trophy to you, and this certifacate signed by the governer. Here is also the words for the country spelling-bee that you will be participating in with forty-nine other boys and girls around the U.S." he said into the micriphone, his voice echoing through the large auditorium.
"Thankyou! Thankyou all! I couldn't have done it without my supportive family, and wonderful and helpful friends," Tresha said, smiling.

~~~~~~

Later, in her home, a grand three-story house with a 2 acre yard, there was a party that only her closest friends and all her family were invited to.
"Thank you everyone for coming to the celebration party of Tresha's accomplishment with winning the state spelling-bee. Next weak she will be visiting Washington D.C. for the National spelling-bee, and then maybe onto the global one!" A man in a navy suite announced, and everyone luaphed.
"I doudt there is such a thing as the global-bee, honey," said a woman in a slim red dress, and wild blonde hair said.
"Oh well! Now that we're done with the cake and icecream, it's time with the presents!" he rang a small gold bell next to him, and twenty servants walked in, each holding a wrapped gift. The gifts were placed infront of Tresha, who wore a grand green dress, and lots of expensive jewelry. Without a word, she opened the first gift. This was a leather bound book with the golden words 'Onercs' then under it 'Elementals' in it.
"Did you get her that?" the lady, Tresha's mother, leaned over to her father, and whispered. He shook his head.
"What garbage," Tresha said snottily, and tossed the book behind her, and went to the next present, and small one. Opening it, there were car keys inside.
"Keys? But I don't even have my lissence yet!" she exclaimed, with a squeele.
"We thought we get you one early, the best money could buy." her father said, nerviously.
"Is it green?"
"Um, no, it's blue."
"Blue?! But it must be green, my favorite color! How else will it match most my outfits? Oh, well, I could just borrow your car... which is green," Tresha said, tossing the keys as well. The other presents were jewelry, dresses, shoes, and plushies.
That night, after a quick catnap, Tresha looked through her gifts, and came to the book last. With a sigh, and crossed her legs on her water bed, and looked through the book, skimming the pages that described a beautiful land with a forest, a sand-bar, volcanoes, and mountains. She flipped through the pages, and right past the map which she didn't even notice, and stopped at a picture. It showed a beautiful forest, full of green everywere. The picture looked to the east, and showed a beautiful sunset, making the greens brighter.
"Now thats green! I want that to be the color of my car!" Tresha squeeled, and placed a green-painted finger on the picture, then suddenly felt herself falling, falling...

<center>Image</center>

Daytona, Florida
A blonde-haired fifteen-yearold boy skimed his hand through the water of the wave he was surfing. Quickly he stood up as he came to the top of the wave, and positioned his feet right on the surfboard with fire designs. But before he could get all the way ready, he felt himself plunge into the salt water below.
He cauphed and sputtered as he ran to the sandy beach, his friends ran up to him.
"Dude, Recfir, you took a hard fall. Are you alright? Man, you took a beating." A brunnett said, luaphing.
"I'm fine, man. You don't need to worry about me, I'm the Ironman remember?" Recfir replied.
"That was in middle-school when you didn't throw up after dicecting a frog when the rest of us did." said another friend, handing Recfir a towel to wipe the water out of his red-colored eyes.
"What ever," Recfir said, and placed his board on the sand before going to his backpack to find he had a test message on his cell. 'Need u at store now. M&D' "Figures," he mumbled, and quickly dried before pulling on a shirt and putting on flipflops. Swining his back on his back, and his board held under his arm, Recfir said goodbye to his friends and started walking toward the old bookstore his family owned. The store was on the beach, so he only had to walk for about ten minutes before he arrived.
Recfir went through the back door, and stuck his surfboard in a closet before going up front were rows of books were everywere, and one small counter in the corner with a cash register stood. A skinny woman with curly blonde hair and redrimmed glasses was going through some papers before looking up.
"Ah, Recfir, I was wondering when you'd get here. Dad needs you in the 'Sectioning Room'. We got a new shipment of books that your dad ordered. I'm trying to figure out how we're going to pay for all these, and have some money left over to save up for you going to collage." she said, smiling before looking back down at her work. Recfir stuffed his hand in his swim trunk pockets while going through the back of the shop. The sectioning room was a room were they orginized the books into the different catigories.
In the room, which was a bare room with many tables, each labeled, and many, many more books stacked around. In the middle was a man with shaggy brown hair and a five-o'clock shadow, and brown eyes.
"Recfir, can you help me with these? It may take all weak end, but once your mom's done with the paperwork she'll be in here to help," he said, before picking up a book, skimming the pages, and setting it on a table labeled 'History'.
"Alright," Recfir sighed, and started with the stack of books closest to him.
~~~
Recfir worked until late that night, and while looking through a stack of books that was mostly history, he dozed off. When he woke up, his dad wasn't there, and half the books had been catagorized, and taken up front. With another sigh, he took up another book, this one, unlike the others, was leather bound, and in gold letter said 'Onercs The Elementals'. He looked through the book, reading the pages carefully, enjoying the great detail the author, who ever it was, wrote it in. Eventually he came to a picture of a valley filled with volcanoes that smoke came out of. There were cracks in the ground with fire flickering out of. In the distance, through the volcanoes, an ocean was shown with a wonderful sunrise. The colors amazed Recfir, and when he traced one of the volcanoes with a finger, he felt himself suddenly falling, falling...

<center>Image</center>

Campbell, Tennessee
A fourteen-year-old girl, wearing a blue T-Shirt, jeans, and boots, rode bareback on a solid bay mare. Going at a slow canter, the girl steared the mare through a forest trail with the reins. Now which way was the spring again? Think Eretwa, think, she thought to herself, keeping at eye out for something that would jog her memory. Spotting a rock on the trail that looked like Abe Lincon, it came to her.
"Left at the twisted tree, then straight on through the valley!" she cried out, and gently kicked the mare with her heels, who was glad to go faster. Eretwa skillfully held on with her knees, held onto the mares silky mane with one hand, and neckreined with the other. When she spotted a tree that had about three big branches at the base that twisted around the tree, she turned the mare left, and urged the mare into a gallop.
Not long later they reached a clearing in the forest, and in the middle of it was a natural spring. Eretwa dismount, and tied the mare to a tree before slipping off her jeans and T-shirt to show a one-piece bathing suit underneath. She ran to the cool water, and waded in, waste deep in water. She lay down in the water, leaning her head against a rock. It was the perfect time of day for a nop in a spring.

About an hour later, Eretwa woke up, feeling refreshed from the morning's chores, and got up out of the water. She bundled her close up, and wrapper her belt around them to keep them together. She was about to get on her mare's back when something cought her eye. Over on a rock, on the edge of the clearing, a leather bound book with the words 'Onercs The Elementals' engraved in gold.
Curiously, she walked over, and picked it up. Shrugging, and wrapped it with her cloths, and still dripping wet, rode back to the farm. When she got back, her mother told her to go up to her room, and do some more school work. Eretwa nodded, and ran up to her room, and plopped down in a chair, and took out the book she found in the clearing. She read about a wonderful land with mountains, volcanoes, a forest, and a sand-bar. When she came to the map, she wondered what the star in the middle of the island was, and looked back through the book. It said nothing about what the star would be. Shrugging, she went on. The next page was a picture of vast water, and you could just make out golden sand under the water. To the left you saw the base of a mountain, and in the horizon was a beautiful sunset. Touching the picture, she suddenly felt herself falling, falling.

((can you say 'longest post ever'?)

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PostPosted: February 26th, 2007, 9:35 pm 
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Aramel Elyanwë wrote:
My friend and I need help with our book series. We need to know how to build our villains without making them crazily evil. What traits do you like in a villain?


Make him suave and likable, handsome and seductive. If he can make you like him, despite all of the things he does, THAT is evil.

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