okay, so here are a bunch of my poems. some of them have been posted in other places, but i thought i'd put them together. all feedback would be gratefully received.

oh, and i should probably point out now - i'm not actually depressed. the stuff about depression is all from past experience, not the way i feel now - i've come through all of that. and the last two are written from eowyn's point of view.

anyway, here goes...


Hell

Hell does not burn – it is dark, cold.
Claustrophobia comes
Not from being jostled by dark spirits,
But from being crowded by your own fears.

The air in Hell is not acrid or dusty
For there is no air.
You cannot breathe,
Only suffocate, slowly.

There are no other damned souls
Or demons with horns and tails.
Hell is the loneliest place
You could ever find yourself.

Hell is not some other world.
It is the darkest place of our own minds
Where our worst fears
Separate us from God.

Fire, brimstone, demons, dragons…
All lies concocted by over-zealous preachers.
They cannot know Hell
For they have never been there.

I have.
I know.

---

Trapped

Not trapped by bars or lock and key,
No prison cell or guards for me.
Instead I’m trapped inside my head
With only fear and me to dread.

This lonely world feels small and grey,
No hint of joy or sign of day;
No silver moon or stars on high –
Nothing there but cold, bleak sky.

I long to feel the joy I see
In everybody else but me,
But all I feel is loneliness,
Too tired to eat, too weak to dress.

I cannot seem to shake the fear
That this, my life, will end right here.
My demon self won’t let me go
And I can’t beat it, that I know.

The walls I raise I cannot see
And yet they seem so real to me.
They tower above my lonely soul
And leave me trapped in this black hole.

---

To Die…?

Too much hurt for me to take –
Sometimes I fear that I may break.
Events conspire to cause me pain,
Ache my heart and pound my brain.
I long to die and be set free.
How wonderful to cease to be!
Violent thoughts spin round my head
But I cannot act with limbs of lead.
The weight of conscience weighs me down
For to this life I have been bound.
Dare I risk Almighty’s wrath
By straying from His chosen path?
I must choose twixt life and death –
Solid flesh or final breath –
But can I gamble eternal life
Just to ease my earthly strife?
I would my own quietus make
But there is just too much at stake.

---

Dirty Wounds

My wounds go much deeper
Than the surface that you see.
They tear into my anguished soul
And bleed the very heart of me.

And even as they start to heal
They twist and strain the skin
‘Til something rips them open
And they start to weep again.

Only one can mend this heart
But to Him I’m scared to go.
I try to hide my blackened heart
Though it’s foolishness, I know.

All my life I’ve tried to be
The daughter He demands,
But I don’t know how to do it
With these soiled, unclean hands.

I know He loves me dearly,
No punishment He’ll give,
But still I feel too dirty
To see Him now and live.

One day I’ll be strong enough
To admit to all I’ve done
And I know that then He’ll make me clean
And worthy of His Son.


---

Identity

You talk of labels, but they’re just words –
Slippery as eels, flighty as birds;

They change their meanings like the tides,
Always misleading and changing sides.

They will not show you the real me,
For I am much more than you can see.

People aren’t boxes that you can tick –
We’re made of Teflon so the labels won’t stick.

Identity is more than stereotype,
So ignore the labels and forget the hype –

Look beyond the badges and you might find
Identity of a different kind.

---

I am...

Deep as black;
Still as night;
Hard as nails;
Pure as white;
Loud as gunfire;
Calm as sea;
Happy as Larry,
But who is he?


---

Sonnet

Some days I walk alone
Along a busy city street,
And feel a different species
From everyone I meet.

Some nights I lay awake
And shiver with the cold,
And fear that life will stay this way
Until I’m very old.

If I’m doomed to live my life
In a world all on my own,
You’ll have to make me stronger –
Steel, not flesh and bone.

But still I’ll pray that’s not your choice
And one will hear my lonely voice.

---

Ruins

I’m standing in the ruins
Of the girl I used to be.
Crumbled walls of self-defence
Are all that surround me.

I used to hide behind my anger
And hold back my bitter tears,
Masking my vulnerability
But consumed by all my fears.

I had a thousand different masks,
A new one every day,
And when I tired of being ‘me’
I simply threw the mask away.

I slept away the daylight hours
To keep dark thoughts from my head
And avoid the desperate loneliness,
Preferring solitude instead.

But now your love has set me free
From all that held me down.
I’ve finally discovered who I am
And I’m liking what I’ve found.

Now the tears flow like wine
And the masks are in the bin.
My fears no longer scare me
And I’m letting people in.

I never will be able
To thank you for all you’ve done.
You’ve made my life worth living –
Father, Spirit, Son.

---

My Child - a conversation with God

How do I get close to you
While I am here on Earth?
Is it through self-sacrifice
Or a process called rebirth?

My child, you must be born again
And some things you must lose,
But I have so much more to give
If salvation you do choose.

But I like my life the way it is
And I’m happy being me.
Why should I change my everything
For someone I cannot see?

My child, your life is only half
Of the one I made you for –
I love you just the way you are,
But you can be so much more.

But I don’t know where to find you –
Are you near or are you far?
How do I let you change me
When I don’t know where you are?

My child, I stand at the door and knock,
Why don’t you let me in?
Stop asking silly questions
And let your life begin.

---

Snapshots of Winter

Dew becomes jewel by Jack Frost’s hand
And a blanket of white covers the land.

Breath comes now in puffs of smoke
To the great amusement of little folk.

Footsteps crunch in virgin snow,
Soon smoothed out by sledge in tow.

Robin bares his chest with pride –
Bright red to warm the cold outside.

Snowman waves with arms of twigs
As in the snow a small child digs.

The sleepy sun soon retires
And leaves us to hot drinks and fires.

Hard, cold stars burn blackened sky
And a silvery moon shines on high.

Lace of frost covers knotted bark –
Web of diamonds glittering in the dark.

Wind of ice cuts to the bone
As through the eaves its voices moan.

Then feeble sun casts watery light
And puts an end to winter’s night.

---

All My Life

All my life has been a battle
I was not allowed to fight,
Hidden away, no more than a nurse,
Never seeing the light.
But now this man, so proud, so strong,
Has opened a new door;
Has opened up a whole new world
And left me wanting more.

All my life I’ve been waiting for this,
Waiting for a chance to be free;
Waiting for the day I finally break out
And find the real me.
And now this man could be my chance
To escape from this cruel cage;
To stand and fight as I always should have
And win glory in this age.

All my life has been so cold,
So dark and full of fear.
It was hard to believe that anything
Could bring warm sunshine here.
But now this man, unknowingly,
Has thawed my frozen soul
And let me dare to believe
That there’s escape from this black hole.

For the fist time in my life
I feel like I’m in love;
All fear has gone and all I see
Is sunshine from above.
This man I love, so proud, so strong,
Has banished all my strife
And helped me to see there’s more to me
Than I ever believed in all my life.

---

On the Brink

I stood upon the brink of a chasm deep and wide.
All was dark below me; I could not turn to find the light.
I feared my nerve would fail me and my hope would be denied
As I stood and watched and waited for the ending of this night.

But with you stood here beside me I no longer feel the chill –
For the first time since the Darkness, I feel that we could win.
In this moment all is quiet, in this moment all is still;
Time has halted surely and the world has ceased to spin.

You said that you had found something and maybe you spoke true –
I feel now I have found some hope in this prevailing gloom.
But now my head’s in disarray and I don’t know what to do;
How could I find happiness in this very hour of doom?

Your smile has warmed the hope that I long believed was dead
And your kind and gentle eyes make my heart war with my head.

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**MY BOOK**

~ proud to be a shieldmaiden for christ ~</center>

i hate it when people nag for comments, but i really could do with some feedback - i'd love to know what does and doesn't work.

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<center>

**MY BOOK**

~ proud to be a shieldmaiden for christ ~</center>

Great poems eowyn.

Yeah! Those are really cool! Mine is one page one, along with my book, they're called "A poem by me." and "My book... Easanelle"

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_,.-~*`*~-.__.-~*Lady Keladry Wildmage Of Minas Tirith*~-.__.-~*`*~-.,_

I really love your poems, I think they're right on track, and good and in verse. The onlny thing, I have to say, do you really hate the universe? It seems like it to me, I think your poems are really great, and I think you show great promise, but are you really so depressed you need to always speak of death? Like I said I love your poems, they really did touch me, and I am sure, they're touching others, who just don't want to share. believe what you write, God is with us, even when it feels like he's not.
God bless,
-The FAE,
Kel
P.S believe me I am not trying to discourage you, I'm only trying to understand. The world is not as bad as it seems, God is always close at hand.

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_,.-~*`*~-.__.-~*Lady Keladry Wildmage Of Minas Tirith*~-.__.-~*`*~-.,_

no, i don't hate the universe, and i do know God is always with me and things aren't all that bad. you see, i used to suffer from severe depression, which is where those poems came from, but God healed me of all of that. i'm actually the happiest, most peaceful person you could ever meet now thanks to Him, but i just find it easier to write about my depression because it was such an intense time. thanks for the encouragement with the poems and for the concern - it really means a lot to me.

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<center>

**MY BOOK**

~ proud to be a shieldmaiden for christ ~</center>

These are really good!
I love that "Identity" one it made me think about lables and such, they're so stupid, and I could relate to it, you write very well! kudos!

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"no, i don't hate the universe, and i do know God is always with me and things aren't all that bad. you see, i used to suffer from severe depression, which is where those poems came from, but God healed me of all of that. i'm actually the happiest, most peaceful person you could ever meet now thanks to Him, but i just find it easier to write about my depression because it was such an intense time. thanks for the encouragement with the poems and for the concern - it really means a lot to me."
Ok, sorry for asking, but one of my friends is just the way you used to be, and I realy hate to see her like that, (or anyone else for that matter) So, I am sorry I suspected that. I was quite concerned, but I am really happy that you aren't like that, though, it's great for you to write about it. I think your poems are really great, and I wish I culd write some alf as good as yours! lol!
-The FAE,
Kel

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_,.-~*`*~-.__.-~*Lady Keladry Wildmage Of Minas Tirith*~-.__.-~*`*~-.,_