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Post subject: My Secret thing.  Posted: January 6th, 2007, 2:12 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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"My Secret Thing"
A flamboyant explanation only curbs the expectation,
Of this elquent design on a surface facing sign.
An entourage can't take away this fleeting pain inside,
Corrosion of emotions only fuels the times I've cried.
Instability eats at the heart of me in this elusion,
While sit in solitude and feel for one to touch.
But it's all an elaborate scheme to inhanse my confusion,
This internal battle of outward things that hurts inside so much.
I need something real that I can hold on to,
A place to go to be along with only us and You.
A feeling of solitude in a crowd moving in and through,
Something that has always been but is so very new.
Hold me father holding it deep inside my heart,
Comfort me comforting it and see to all our needs.
Promise me promising it we will never be apart,
Bleed for me as I would bleed for it here as it bleeds.
Now take me. Take me away and I'll take it away.
Hold me. Hold me so I can hold it and wait until that day.
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Post subject: Posted: January 6th, 2007, 6:31 pm |
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Joined: 07 June 2005
Posts: 5272
Location: Texas
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Good as a song and poem! Excellent.
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Post subject: Posted: January 8th, 2007, 10:13 pm |
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Joined: 07 June 2005
Posts: 1629
Location: Middle-earth
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Well done, though I'd check for typos.  Very good wording and flow. If you have or ever get an Allpoetry account, let me know. I'll add you to my favorites list.  _________________ $%=#?&
<a href="http://www.politickles.com/middleearth"><img src="http://www.politickles.com/middleearth/images/linkbuttons/mebnr3.jpg" border="0"></a>
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Post subject: Posted: January 10th, 2007, 1:57 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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Thanks for the comments. 
And FRODOFAN
I don't have one of those... not sure what they are. (although I am assuming it's a poetry forum) ButI am on a poetry forum called http://forum.poetryconnection.net
Asside from that, christianteenforums.com, and my book that's the only place I have got my poetry yet. lol
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Post subject: Posted: January 10th, 2007, 2:50 pm |
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Joined: 07 June 2005
Posts: 1629
Location: Middle-earth
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I'll check out that forum. Yes, Allpoetry is a huge community. It's incredibly addictive also. Check out my page and you can see how it works: http://www.allpoetry.com/frodofan
They have contests and groups. You get lots of feedback and can comment on other people's poems too. _________________ $%=#?&
<a href="http://www.politickles.com/middleearth"><img src="http://www.politickles.com/middleearth/images/linkbuttons/mebnr3.jpg" border="0"></a>
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Post subject: Posted: January 11th, 2007, 1:00 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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Sounds cool. I will have to check it out.
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Post subject: Posted: January 17th, 2007, 4:57 pm |
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Joined: 04 June 2005
Posts: 4599
Location: Zeh Shire
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Wow, excellent, it's just....very very good, I don't know what else to say.
Awsome job.
_________________ <center> 
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Post subject: Posted: January 18th, 2007, 7:46 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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Thanks.
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Post subject: Posted: February 2nd, 2007, 9:08 pm |
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Joined: 30 December 2005
Posts: 2901
Gender: Female
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Awesome job again, Jax. I really like how this one flows.
_________________
"Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home."
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Post subject: Posted: February 3rd, 2007, 3:36 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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Thanks... Again. lol
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Post subject: Posted: February 5th, 2007, 11:58 am |
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Joined: 08 January 2006
Posts: 3132
Location: The Shire
Gender: Female
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wow. this one is....idk, diff. in sum way, from the ones that u usually write....i like it.... a lot. As usual, of course. lol i'm not just saying that, though...i rlly rlly like this one...idk....there's just sumthing about it....
_________________ 
"Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness."
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Post subject: Posted: February 5th, 2007, 2:40 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005
Posts: 19521
Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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Thanks pip. And yeah it is a bit different from my others.. not sure how to explain it but it is... lol *shrugs*
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