Yeah we should...


Well right now I need to vent. And since I'm depressed, pouring tears and I want to jump off a building, I think I'll put it here.
Well, since the start of school (gr.11) I have four courses this semester, and they are Programming, Law, Chemistry and Math. I've worked and studied really hard to achieve decent marks this year, because in grade 11 they actually count for university. We've had a number of tests already, just to test our abilities to see if we ought to study a lower level. My first math test, I got a 16%... I was urged by my teacher to switch to college math (I'm currently taking mixed college/university), but I didn't want to because I want to get to university, and I'm pretty dedicated to doing well. So I refused, and I stayed. Today we had the simplest math test again, and I couldn't do it! I was almost in tears when I handed in a blank paper to the teacher. I just don't understand how people do it! Everyone can get this stuff so easily whether or not they study, and I can't even though I work myself mental to try to get it right. I look at the things the teacher gives us, and my mind NEVER wanders. I just stare at the words and the only thing that goes through my mind is "okay, these are only numbers and symbols... that's it." And my mind just blurs, and the numbers and symbols just twist themselves into lines and scribbles. I can't do it! No matter how hard I try, I just can't. Anything to do with formulas is impossible for me. I don't understand it! I'm completely literate! I also took a law test the other day... it was the most simplest thing on earth, and I got a 0% on it. I have no idea what's doing this, but I'm wondering if I even belong here. I have no talents... I have no strengths, I'm not good at anything, I'm not charming or pretty or tall, I'm not outgoing, I'm not clever or witty, I don't understand numbers, and I can't live up to my family's huge achievements... I won't have a future like this! And if I won't have a future, then what am I still doing here breathing and typing this? I'm really upset... this is the first time I've ever been so distressed over anything, and I think I'm going to turn mental if I keep carrying on like this. I really really want out...

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^Ooo, that's a tough one. I'm really sorry schoolwork is getting to you... Stupid school... But it looks like you just need to take a step back and take a deep breath and just think about it. Maybe you're bothered about something that's worsening your concentration. Maybe you're not getting enough sleep, food, water, etc.

But basically, it sounds like you're under lots of pressure because you want to live up to your family's expectations. But you have to ignore that because you don't live so that other people can be proud of you... You live for yourself. This is your time to live. You live so that you can enjoy your life for as long as you may have it. Don't think about what your family wants, think about what YOU want. You will be more happy doing what you love to do than doing something you dislike for the sake of someone else. What are your hobbies? What do you enjoy to do? And I seriously doubt that you have no strengths or talents. You have to think about what you want to do with your life instead of trying to live up to other people's expectations. And maybe the thing you want to do won't require exceeding grades.

It might be a good idea to take an easier class so that you can take off some of that pressure, because that's probably what's doing this to you.

Believe me, it is much easier to deal with life when you have a purpose and something to look forward to.

Sounds like you have some figuring out to do.

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galadriel2812: Sorry bout your friend, mayb he's just a bit shy....like me, i hate talking to people, except for all my mates. Im sure if you spent more time with him, he may come more relaxed with talking to people!

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Um...thanks, but it's hard, i have like zero time...i guess i'l have to try harder! but thanks!

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Lady of the Golden Wood, Galadriel

Thanks... I've been feeling much better about it lately, since your advice. Well the two things I'd want to do would be either Costume Design or joining the Army reserves... I guess neither of them really need complicated math, which I obviously am not good at.
Though whenever someone calls me dumb, stupid or ambitionless, I get really sensitive and I start crying. I know it sounds kind of pathetic, but it's not as though I want to be stupid... I mean, I'd give anything at all to be smart and all-knowing, but I just can't no matter how hard I try. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses right? My mother also threatened to pull me out of cadets if I don't do better. I find that incredibly harsh, because Cadets is one of the only things that I'm actually good at, and if she forces me out of it, then I really will have nothing much to live for.

Ugh, sorry I had to vent again... thanks for the advice Keyo

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Why don't you introduce him to some of your other friends?

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I'm glad my advice helped.

Ah, cool. Have you tried taking design courses and all that? And wow, joining the army reserves. That's awesome.

And you probably want to start crying over those things because of what you're going through now. You just have to remember that they don't know you. No one knows exactly what you're going through. They can judge you all they want, but they will never reach the truth because they don't know anything. If they don't know the whole story, their opinions don't matter. Screw them. Don't let them get in the way of what you want.

Everyone would love to be "smart" and "all-knowing", but as you know, not everyone can be like that. And there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone has the same weakness to strength ratio, or whatever else you would call it. Someone may be dumb, but they could be more caring and understanding than a smart person that thinks too good of himself. Don't dwell on what your weaknesses are, because those aren't what are going to help you through life (though it is important to acknowledge your weaknesses, but that's different than dwelling). Strengths are. Figure out your strengths and you'll be happier with who you are.

Sorry about your mom threatening to take you out of cadets. But like I said earlier, maybe you should take an easier class so you aren't stressed and can do better in school overall.

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Can I join? I have nothing big wrong right now, but it always helps to have a place to go when I need to talk or rant...

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Bob Seger 11/19;Celtic Thunder 9/29
Gettysburg 150th!!!

I don't know many times I've ranted about how much my family pisses me off. I swear I think their new hobby is yelling at me and pissing me off. It's offical, I hate them and nothing will probably change it. I'm treated like a target for people to take their anger out on and when that happens, I get angry and take my own anger on myself by hurting myself. And my sister now thinks she's all that. I hardly ever speak to them nowadays. It's usually just a 'yeah' and 'uh huh'.

Generally, my depression is just sinking in deeper. I hardly speak to anyone, (never really do anyway) I do not eat much (never ate a whole lor either) or drinking enough water. I'm beginning to slowly loose interest in things that I love, at times I find myself thinking about suicide, I feel like there is nothing for me in this world and have nothing to live for. Everyday I want to cry but cannot always seem to do it. I feel myself fading away...

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Within the auburn of her hair
The trembling starlight of the skies
He saw there mirrored bright and fair

♥In a poly relationship with Kili and Tauriel♥

^Aw..thats so sad. Im not good at giving advice...but I can say is that I hope you really, really, really do feel better. Even though I barely know you...but yeah. I've sorta stopped being depressed now...if thats possible. Ever since I got yelled at for cutting...so many things have made me realize what real depression and being sad is.

So now ...whenever I do feel upset, I keep telling myself that Im happy, and not to be sad. Its hard, but it does sorta work.

That being said...I told myself I'd strive to help anyone who I know is sad or feels alone. Because..I know that feeling is so unbearable and hurts so much, that I'd like to help them overcome it no matter what. Even though I suck at giving advice. xD

Oh..I hope I didnt rant on.

I don't know what to say that can help you. I'm almost the exact same way (except I still eat too much....)

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Bob Seger 11/19;Celtic Thunder 9/29
Gettysburg 150th!!!

Welcome DamsonRhee , hope u like it here!

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May I join? Because this feels like a place I could make my feelings aired, and maybe help others with their problems and issues.

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Welcome Lamenter

I haven't been here for a long time, I'm sorry to you all that I can't try and give advice to you all.

@ Mrs. Haldir - Please, stay safe, okay? Suicide is never the answer, even if you think that no one cares I care about you so much and I don't even know you that well, If you just want the relief that you think will come with suicide, you need to be alive to feel that relief and that release. I know that right now everything seems so useless, but things will get better, I promise.

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Look Mrs. Haldir... the only two things that could ever sway my happiness is school marks and another thing that I don't wish to share. I felt like suiciding because I was doing so poorly in school, and I felt like I had no future. Bow is right though, suicide is never the answer. There is always at least one person in this world that loves you very much, whether or not you know it. And Bow is also right in saying that your life will not always be like that. You're just going through a really elongated rough patch right now, and you're feeling really down about it. I don't want to be cruel, but suicide is cowardly (yes, that goes for me as well). You have to face whatever it is you're having trouble with, even if it means facing it for a number of years. Your family is not the only one who likes picking on their kid. My family does exactly that, and you know what? If it makes them happy to run me down like that all the time, I just let them do it. Learn to ignore them or tell them straight out to shut up and leave you the hell alone.

Hope it gets better dear...

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Hope you don't get offended, but when you think about suicide, don't you think about what it might do to your friends and family? How it might make them feel.

See i just couldn't do that, even though we don't always get on im sure my family and friends will miss me so much. They may even think of me as selfish, and i would really like to die with honor!

And besides, we would miss you here!

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