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PostPosted: October 21st, 2006, 11:47 pm 
Ringwraith
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That's intense Chamillionaire! Lots of people have been writing poems lately. I did, I think I posted it on the previous page, but no one read it. Hm...maybe it was really bad. :( Oh well you can't get them right all the time.

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PostPosted: October 22nd, 2006, 8:46 am 
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^ I read your poem, just then.. and it wasn't bad at all. -gives hugs- You have a lovely style of writing, when it comes to poetry.. I love the description. ^^;;

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PostPosted: October 23rd, 2006, 4:57 pm 
Ringwraith
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Oh, thanks. I was just hoping someone would read it and give me tips to improve it somehow. But when no one did I got a little discouraged. But thank you for taking the time to read it. :hug:

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PostPosted: October 23rd, 2006, 8:07 pm 
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pirateoftherings wrote:
I have! I only did it once, but I wrote a second-person, present-tense fic of Anakin's redemption. Here's the link for any who are interested:
Fulfilling Your Destiny


huh, I'm writing a second-person account from Anakin's perspective of Attack of the Clones.

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PostPosted: October 24th, 2006, 6:17 am 
Movie Extra
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Number 1: I would love to join your club if that's possible
Number 2: Here is an extract from teh first chapter of the Fantasy Novel I am writng-The Legend of Fletcher-The Druid War. ENJOY! and comments would be appreciated:

Chapter 1
The Druid


The council was to sit once again. The five of them had not met for several years and there was much to be discussed. They were all to meet in the same place, the usual place. The Council Room was the highest room of the tower and there were no windows to look upon the endless landscape below. A forest dominated most of the land, its high trees towering above the stonewalls that ran around the circumference of the tower. Below the tower itself there was a huge lake, its dark waters disturbed by neither fish nor wind. It was known as Madugat Lake and the tower was as Aqua Tower, stood above it, a great pillar next to the water’s edge. The tower rose above any tree and was made of a black rock that exuded power and menace. Aqua Tower reached into the starry sky, no lights penetrating the night apart from a small flickering torch in a bracket above the ancient, oak door that lead inside. Only five men had ever entered the tower through that door and they did so rarely.

A hawk flew noiselessly from the depths of the forest towards Aqua Tower. It flew effortlessly and gracefully towards the Lake and then it dived. It was as if it had seen a fish in the dark waters but just before it was about to break the stillness of the water it rose skillfully. The hawk’s talons skimmed the lake’s surface, causing jets of water to stream out behind it. The far bank was getting ever closer and the hawk stopped easily and hovered a metre above the grassy bank. Suddenly the hawk was replaced by a man, robed all in green with a green hood, silhouetted against the full moon behind him. He gazed up at the tower and then rubbed his hands together. A jet of blue flames burst into life in his palms, lighting up the face that was hidden beneath the green hood. The face was young but it was etched with grimness. The eyes were depthless, having seen so much. He quickly made his way towards the small flickering light above the oak doors, his long robes billowing behind him.

The man reached the oak doors, pushed them open and walked inside. At once the doors slammed shut, the noise echoing in the night. A few silent minutes after the doors had shut; an immensely tall man emerged from the forest. He was robed all in blue and a tangled black beard could be seen below is lowered hood. He made his way towards the gate that marked the entrance to Aqua Tower’s grounds and stopped. He touched the portcullis with one long finger and ran it down the cold metal. With a great clanking the portcullis rose and the man strode in and started to follow the dirt track leading around the lake. The man’s strides were twice as long as a man’s and it did not take long for him to reach the stone steps that lead to the front door. Just like the man before him, he pushed open the doors and walked in. The light that was emitted from the tower lasted a few seconds before the doors slammed shut.

The lake surface began to ripple and soon these ripples turned into waves. Right in the centre, a hole appeared in the water and out of this hole rose a single figure. Wearing long black robes, he was indistinguishable in the night. Around his waist was a black belt and from this belt hung a great sword in a jet-black scabbard. On his back hung a black shield with a red and golden dragon encrusted upon it. He rose from the centre of the lake like a great king, proud and magnificent. In one swift movement he wrapped his long cloak around him and was gone. At the foot of Aqua Tower’s steps he emerged from the darkness. He strode up the steps and the doors swung open as if a great wind had forced them open, although the night air was quite still. The man pulled his hood back to let loose long, greasy black hair and a skull white face. But it was his eyes that really made him look like no other human. One was red like blood that has been drawn from a wound. The other was black like a great black hole that had no place for tears or any emotion. The red eye moved constantly while the black one looked forward. Not once did he blink as he made his way up the stairs and through the oak doors.

The doors shut behind Lord Dradona of Druids as he walked into the great room. The noise of his great knee high boots on the stone floor echoed loudly. He looked up and saw two men sitting on eagle winged chairs.
“My fellow druids,” purred Dradona. His red eye fixed on the man robed in green. “Lith, I trust you are well?” The young man stood up and walked over to Dradona. Lith of Wildland fell to his knees and looked at the ground.
“I bear grievous news, my lord Dradona,” he said quietly.
“Please Lith,” said the old man in blue. “Let us go to the Council Room for the meeting our Lord Dradona has summoned us to.”
“Yes,” said Dradona, heading towards a small doorway to the right of the chairs.

Lith rose from his knees and hastened to follow his fellow Druids. He respected both but he never felt that Lord Dradona respected him. Lord Dradona was the Lord of Druids and he was the most powerful of the five. Lith had never seen the full extent of his magic but from what he had heard from Gauther it exceeded all their powers put together. Dradona was the Lord of Aqua Tower but he rarely stayed there and so he was mostly seen in the West. Gauther often travelled around Utopia but he could mostly be found in the city of Cindurin in the North, as he was an honoree councilor of Lord Cinduri II. Lith on the other hand mostly spent his time with the Wildmen of the Forest of Darkness, fighting their wars alongside their great leader, Athenas. He often spied on their enemy in the form of a hawk. Lith was a shape shifter. He could morph into any form he desired but his preferred form was that of a hawk.

At last they reached the top of the spiral staircase. They were facing a wooden door with runes inscribed around it. Gauther stroked the runes with his knobely hand and muttered under his breath. There was a distant click and the door creaked open. The Council Room was round with a long wooden table in the middle. All the way around the walls stood torches in brackets, their light dancing in the shadows cast by statues of Druids and other great lords. Placed at intervals around the table there were five great wooden thrones. In each of these thrones there was a different coloured jewel set into the back. Each druid had his own throne with his own coloured gem. The colour of the jewel reflected the colour of their robes. Sitting at the table were two more men. One was robed in brown, the other in red. They were poring over scrolls and thick books. Occasionally, one of made a note on a scrap of parchment. They did not look up as the three druids walked in but carried on with their work.
“Dinas?” said Gauther. “Iroewth?” The two men looked up at the druid. Both of them had long white beards that had little ink droplets from the quills they had been using. Their eyes were wide and bewildered after reading the tiny letters on the scrolls and in the books.
“Gauther, my old friend,” exclaimed the man robed in brown, Dinas. “It must be at least two summers since we last met.”
“It is indeed Dinas,” replied Gauther. “Studying the Druid Scrolls are we?” He gestured towards the scrolls and the books.
“Enough of this idle talk,” said Dradona, sitting down in his throne at the head of the table. “You have all been summoned to this council for a reason and that is the Flutes of Power.” Gauther and Lith sat down in their thrones and looked towards Dradona. Dinas and Iroewth conjured the books and parchments away and also stared at Dradona. The council had begun, the last council of that age.

“What news from the north, Gauther?” asked Dradona. “Is Lord Cinduri II still foolish enough to fight the ever growing Raven Army?” The council had been going on for quite sometime. Each druid had given their report of various places across Utopia. They had not begun discussing the Flutes of Power.
“I believe that he is not foolish in fighting the Raven Army,” replied Gauther. “As you have mentioned it is ever growing, but if Cindurin defeat them before they grow too strong then their efforts can be directed elsewhere.”
“You are sure of this?” said Dradona, pulling a map from a shelve behind his throne. He laid it on the table and all of the druids leant forward. “Cindurin is sandwiched between the Cindufirg Mountains and Raven Forest. Soon the armies of these two powers will combine and crush Cindurin and the last hope of Utopia will fall.”
“So what do you suggest?” asked Lith.
“I think that Lord Cinduri should desert Cindurin and make towards Pharazon,” replied Dradona, indicating a city near to Cindurin. “There they can set up a new defence and be able to receive aid from the Dwarves of Enervate.” A silence descended on the council. Lith and Gauther gave each other skeptical looks. Then Gauther spoke.
“Do you realise what lies in the halls of Cindurin?” he said. Dradona looked up his red eye fixed on Gauther.
“I am aware of the Fifth Flute,” said Dradona. “But this is the reason why I summoned you here tonight.”
“We are all aware of the Five Flutes of Power and how they disappeared shortly after their making. The Fifth Flute was found not too long ago and placed in Cindurin. It is my belief that the other flutes have appeared once again…”
“They must be found then,” interrupted Iroewth.
“Yes and then used appropriately,” continued Dradona. “To dominate Utopia!” Dradona rose to his feet and strode towards a door, hidden in the shadows of the council room. He opened it and extracted a long black staff with a red eagle placed on its head.
“The staff of the Dark Lord!” gasped Gauther. “How did you come by this Lord Dradona?”
“I have had it for many years but I decided not to reveal it until the time was right,” replied Dradona. “My friends, our time has come. The Age of the Druids is about to begin. We will ally ourselves with the Raven and Dark Elves and the Goblins shall return to the mountains. I will be the new Dark Lord and you shall be my servants.”
“I will give you four weeks to decide and we shall meet again. I hope that you all choose widely. Now GO!” Dradona slammed the staff to the floor and the council ended.

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The Legend of Fletcher-The Druid War-Coming Soon


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PostPosted: October 24th, 2006, 6:27 pm 
Ringwraith
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Of course you may join Fletcher! Newbies are always welcome! And a great start on your story by the way. It' was very good.

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PostPosted: October 24th, 2006, 6:37 pm 
Mageling
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Fletcher Hawkmoth wrote:
Number 1: I would love to join your club if that's possible
Number 2: Here is an extract from teh first chapter of the Fantasy Novel I am writng-The Legend of Fletcher-The Druid War. ENJOY! and comments would be appreciated


You have a great start on your story. The descriptions are excellent, and beautiful word play. The names you come up with sound nice and exotic as well. The only thing I would suggest is starting it off with a better first sentence (a nice, catchy phrase or something that would pique the reader's curiousity). Either that or make your paragraphs smaller. Generally speaking, when someone opens a book and sees this huge first paragraph, he/she doesn't feel like reading it.

Nonetheless, very genuine fantasy atmosphere. Keep it up!


I recently wrote a poem for a contest and I'd appreciate feedback :D

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To Honor You

I knew you once
You stood, a stolid comrade, beside me
I can picture you now
Your blue eyes in stark clarity
Against your tanned face
We marched to war
To death
You, with your blithe alacrity
I, confident in the knowledge
That you had my back
That no enemy fire could faze us
We were invincible
But how your hard visage softened
With your wife's name on your lips
With the naming of your two sons
And your baby girl
How could you have left them so bereft and alone?
How could God claim your life
But not mine?
We were torn asunder by flame and demolition
In the mass chaos called war
And when the fire ceased
Leaving thousands dead
Like forsaken promises
I waged a futile search
Refusing to admit
What my heart already knew
Refusing to admit, even to myself
That you were gone
I stand here now
In this broken sunset
I stand here now
To honor you
The soldier
The father
The friend

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PostPosted: October 24th, 2006, 7:45 pm 
Maia
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*weeps*
I'm actually crying so you know, the picture is so sad in itself, and with your words added is... amazing! you made me so thankful that my uncle returned from Iraq OK, and that a 18 year old boy at my church has made it back.

*weeps some more*

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PostPosted: October 24th, 2006, 8:31 pm 
Vala
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That's so good, LMD! I think its my new favorite poem!

Here's a small story I wrote. Its part of one of my PR bios.

My name is Kith Darkeyes. My life began pleasantly enough, but took a change for the worse, so turn away if you cannot handle misfortune. As a young little eight year old, I was sold into slavery by my own father, who was horrified and disgusted by the fact I showed the shifting skills of my mother. I remember the clack of chains as they closed around my ankles, and the rusty smell of the metal collar. I wanted to cry out to some one and have them rescue me, but there was no one. My father had betrayed me, and my mother was not to be seen. The slavers laughed, jeering at my scrawniness, saying I would not make and they better just kill me now. Oh, how I puffed out my chest at that. But soon that changed. There was a long grueling journey we had to live through. I once had loved the sun and all her warmth, but with my protective clothing torn off and sold for money, my friend became harsh and cruel. She bit at my back and head, heated the sand beneath me to unbearable temperatures. Along the way I remember seeing bleached white bones of other humans who had not been so fortunate as I. We had to keep up. Horrible things happened to those who couldn't They couldn't just fall down, not with those collars around their necks that kept them connected on the long chain, the same one the tied us together. No, if the couldn't keep up, that collar was emptied, the easiest way being decapitation.
I do not know how long that trek took. Days melded together until my whole body cried for relief that could not be given. The man in back of me egged me on. "You're a strong boy, you'll do fine" He would mutter. I turned around and saw his face.His skin was lighter than any I had seen, and a fey smile shone through cracked and bleeding lips. Most surprising, however, were his eyes. They were the clearest shade of blue I had ever seen. A guard shouted at me, so I quickly turned away. I heard the man behind me chuckle slightly and curse, but whenever I stumbled he was there to offer support.

We reached our destination, but our group was severely cut down. I don't remember much more, except the hard work and hot, cruel sun. I made one friend, only to have him ripped away from me by death. Years passed as a slave, laboring and toiling for things of which we were not told. 15 years passed like this, until I was 23. A new group was to work with us, so our job would be completed sooner. "Very well" I thought. "More vultures." I was not fond of people. I did not speak to them, or them to me. There was too much to think about. But the day came when we were introduced to our new crew, and one man stuck out. His skin was light, a fey smile on his face, and the clearest blue eyes I had ever seen. He stared at me, remembering who I was. "My name is Brengh." He said. "And mine Kith." My underused voice cracked, and I cleared my voice.

Our job went quickly, and we had accomplished a lot by sun down. I was on my blanket, trying to sleep when Brengh sat down beside me. "Kith, my kin, how do you fare?" Kin? Were we kin? "I am not related to you." I murmured. "No," he replied, "But we are both of shapeshifter blood" "What?" I half shouted. "Shapeshifter?" My voice was quiet again. Repressed memories flickered in my mind I felt something new, an alien part of myself. I explored it, touched it, smelled it. Lights flickered, bones creaked. My shape had changed. I was a black panther, tall and strong. Again, I sought that part of me, found another entrance, and I was a bat, and the darkest dark did not scare me. My father.......my father saw me, yelled he- I snapped out of it. "Am I?" I wondered. I never knew much about that part of me. "Yes, you are." He replied. "I can see it in you." His tine of voice changed as he added. "You need a true shifter name, something that means something. My real name is Swiftlegs. I was the fastest of my kind, at least until I was captured, and my shifting ability magically repressed, as is yours. No, your eyes, they are the deepest shade I have ever seen. You name shall be Darkeyes. Darkeyes, I have a plan for escape."

All went to plan. The next week we hurried through the night. Day came, but we ran on. "As soon as we get far enough away the spell will wear off, and we will be able to shift and fly as fast as the animals. This was his favorite remark, the one that would keep us going when we thought we couldn't go any further. The final day, I saw a village on the horizon. Our hopes were raised, until we saw we were being pursued. We were close to the village, but it was clear it would be a very narrow escape. by sundown we were a mere hour away, but so were our pursuers. A mile before the villiage, they caught up with us. They cursed us and tried to bind our hands and feet, but we would not alow them even to touch us. As weary from travel as we were, we knew captivity was worse. But our tiredness had taken its toll. I stumbled, and immediatly I was on my stomach, and men on my back. I heard Brengh growld and hurdle himself towards me. I heard the shrill sound of metal pulled from a sheath, and a sickening impact. Brengh fell to the ground beside my head, a sword run through his throat. I howled. A rage built up in me. All sounds were blocked off. I would not go back to capitivy, were the cruel sun bit, the whip stung, the food hollow my belly, the water crack my lips. I would be free, be alive, live how I wanted to live. Somthing in me ripped, and I felt that alien part of me that I had felt as a boy. I dived in, reveled in it, let it take me. Again I was the black panther, with a rage to match it's terrible size. I tore those men apart, letft thier bleeding remains for the sun, and cruel sand. Brengh I burried, and said a short prayer I made up. From there I decided i would live my own life, free from slavery and oppression. I would be Kith Darkeyes, a man scarred from both pain and suffering, and no one would stop me.

That is my story. Did I tell you all? Probably not. That is somthing you will have to learn. Gain my trust and I may tell you, but my trust is not somthing I give out unless earned by sweat and blood and tears.


I was pretty impressed by it, but I think the middle of it needs a bit of work.


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PostPosted: October 25th, 2006, 4:15 pm 
Ringwraith
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Nauriel, that is quite a tremendous beginning you have. You're right, the middle could use some work but otherwise it's a very promising start. You're so good at explaining things so delicately but at the same time get the point across short and sweet.

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PostPosted: October 25th, 2006, 7:02 pm 
Vala
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Thank you!


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PostPosted: October 26th, 2006, 9:13 pm 
Mageling
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Nauriel Rochnur wrote:
That's so good, LMD! I think its my new favorite poem!

Here's a small story I wrote. Its part of one of my PR bios.


hah thanks :D I believe I've already replied to your character bio in the rpg club.

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PostPosted: October 27th, 2006, 2:04 pm 
Elf
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I like it Nauriel. Very Nice.

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PostPosted: October 28th, 2006, 12:32 pm 
Kallisti
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Could i join? i've been writing for ever and i think it would be neat to see what others are writing and stuff...


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PostPosted: October 28th, 2006, 3:09 pm 
Istari
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I'm sure you can, Dark Queen!! :welcome: :)

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PostPosted: October 28th, 2006, 9:53 pm 
Mageling
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welcome, Darkeh! :welcome2:

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