Now, no offence to any 6th-graders here...I'm sure you're much smarter than this. My friend emailed it to me - enjoy!

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies, who wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java.

7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.

9. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.

10. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies and comedies in Islamic pentameter.

11. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hotey. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

12. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered
electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

13. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin, which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assassinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

14. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.

15. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

16. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Madman Curie discovered the radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.

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Haha! ROFL! That is funny!

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I saw you look away
Is what you've seen too much to take, or are you blind and seeing nothing?
(I saw you run) I saw you run away
Is what I've done too much to take or are you scared of being nothing?

That just cracked me....

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<center>[font=Times New Roman]<img src="http://tinyurl.com/63ongu"><br><br>From sorrow & pain I find my strength ... the more pain I feel, the more I see /// July the 4th 2008, first day of my life...<br><br>I met Eru on September 5th 2006 ♥ (and April 15th 2008!)<br><br>Censorship Causes Blindness</center>[/font]

OMG...I never thought I could laugh so hard. My stomach hurts now.
That...is...great.

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<center> all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us


Thank you for five-plus wonderful years of obsession, friendship and fun

Genius! Can't breathe...

I think Ann Landers published those in one of her columns years and years ago...my mom still has the clipping, I think. Rereading them, though, I still laughed out loud at almost each one

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ROFLOL for real!!

That is hilarious! Oh my, those are some puns worth stealing!

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"The piano is able to communicate the subtlest universal truths by means of wood, metal and vibrating air."

Those have to be my fav.s! Thanks for sharing, Mel!

Stop making me laugh! If I laugh I start coughing, which is not pleasant because I can't breathe when I do both at the same time!

Those are good. Really good.

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Heh. I actually changed my sig. Wow.

"I'll tell you truly: I value my thought and work terribly, but in essence - think about it - this whole world of ours is just a bit of mildew that grew over a tiny planet. And we think we can have something great - thoughts, deeds! They're all grains of sand." - Levin

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I was cured all right.