Hey guys. This is a story I've had in mind for about 5 years now and have just started writing it. I would love constructive criticism and advice about how to make it better. Enjoy!
Finding the Light: Part 1 in the Light Series
Chapter One
A lone man ran through a dark forest. He could hear the distant sound of beating hooves. He stopped only for a moment to catch his breath; his breath was visible in the cold night air. His whole body ached but he could not stop now; he had to keep moving. He turned to the right and fought his way through the close packed trees, running as hard and as fast as he could, obtaining many scrapes and bruises along the way,
He was blinded by the sudden darkness for a moment and it cost his greatly because he tripped on a tree root and tumbled down a small hill, creating a lot of noise. He grimaced as he tried to stand up again. His bare feet were now bleeding, and he realized that he had a big cut on his forehead, which was causing blood to flow over his eyes. He blinked and winced. The blood mixed with sweat really stung his eyes. He did his best to wipe away the terrible mixture off his face.
He heard shouts and the horses galloping were coming closer. He ducked down and hid in some brush, hoping they would pass him.
A big flash of blood red light filled the dark forest, exposing everything. The three riders on horseback cantered over to where the man was hiding. The man contemplated running again, but knew he had no chance. He slowly got to his feet.
The first man on horseback walked his horse over to him. He had a black cloak with a hood on so that no one would see his face.
“You thought you could outrun and outsmart us?” The man in the cloak said with a harsh and cold voice. “Think again.”
Another blast of red light filled the forest and the poor man fell unconscious onto the forest floor.
“Bring him back to my castle.” The man in the cloak said. “And this time, don’t let him escape.” He heeled his steed and galloped off into the night, leaving the other two men to gather the unconscious man’s body.
Jadyn woke up to the soft sound of birds singing. She sat up, startled and breathing heavily. She had had that dream again. For the past couple of months, she been having a strange dream about a man fleeing his pursuers, always ending in the man’s capture, She had no idea who the man could be and why she was having these dreams. She rubbed her eyes and slowly got out of bed.
She walked over to her nightstand where a large bowl of water and a rag was sitting. She splashed some cool water on her face and dried it quickly with the towel. She pulled on her white fur robe and pulled on some slippers. She walked into the main room of the house she shared with her mother and sister.
“Good morning.” She called as she sat down on one of the wooden stools surrounding a fine handcrafted wooden table.
“Good morning,” Her mother, Mera replied. “Would you mind checking the chickens to see if there are any eggs?”
“Sure.” Jadyn replied. Pulling her robe tighter as she opened her front door, She looked around to see that during the night, the town of Reemin had received a few inches of snow. The sun peeked out from clouds that filled the grayish-blue sky.
She rubbed her arms, partially from the cold, but partially from the dream she had had. The dream still lingered in her mind and it made her uneasy. She walked through her yard and over to the small stable where their animals were kept during the winter. She opened the stable door and walked inside.
It was much warmer in the barn than outside. The chickens were squawking and the goats were baa-ing. “Alright, alright. I’ll feed you.”
Jadyn sprinkled some chicken feed in the chicken pen and mixed some mash for the goats and spread it in their buckets.
She gathered three piles of hay, placing one pile in each of the three horses’ stalls. “Morning Dancer,” She said to her sister’s small grey filly, Moondancer. “Morning Amber.” She said to her mother’s mare Amberrose. She fed her horse Firechaser last. “Morning Chase,” She said, rubbing his forehead. Firechaser, nicknamed Chase, was a big chestnut stallion. His fiery personality went well with Jadyn’s.
She gave him one last stroke and walked back over to the chickens. She let herself into their pen and made her way around them to gather their eggs. She picked up about a half dozen eggs and made her way back to the house.
“Here,” She said to her mother, placing the basket on the table. “It snowed last night.”
“Thank you Jadyn.” Her mother said, picking up the basket. “And I know. I can always tell by the smell in the air.”
Jadyn wrinkled her nose in silent laughter. Her mom had always said she could smell the snow. She walked over to the fire pit. “I see someone got a fire started.”
“Yes, Aubrey started it while you were in the barn. Now go along and get dressed.” Tammera said.
“Yes Mother.” Jadyn said, quickly stopping by the small fire to warm her hands. She walked back into her room where she pulled on a dark grey cotton shirt and a think black vest. She pulled on some black pants and pulled her boots over them. She placed her sleeping garments back into her wooden trunk at the end of her small bed. She wrapped a small piece of leather around her thick hair, pulling it out of her face.
Jadyn walked back out into the main room where she saw her sister was all dressed and ready. Her mother had some fresh eggs and bread set on the table. Jadyn sat down in between her mother and sister and ate her breakfast.
“Do you think they’ll cancel school because of the snow?” Jadyn’s younger sister Aubrey asked with a mouthful of eggs.
“No.” Mera laughed. “It barely snowed.”
“Oh.” Aubrey said, clearly disappointed.
Jadyn took her last bite of bread and stood up. “Come on Aubrey. We don’t want to be late.”
Jadyn kissed her mother on the cheek and grabbed her canvas bag and gloves that were by the door. She slung the bag over her shoulder and pulled the gloves over her hands.
She waved good-bye to Aubrey as she went off to meet her friend Nari so they could walk to school together.
Jadyn walked a few minutes into the main square in town. She saw her friend Ria walking toward her.
“Morning m’dear.” Ria said cheerfully.
“Morning to you too.” Jadyn said as they walked down the main road to their schoolhouse.
“I had that dream again.” Jadyn said as they walked along the road, which was covered by a few inches of snow, their boots crunching the snow with every step.
Ria stopped. “You don’t even know what it means Jadyn.” She said with a stern tone, knowing that her friend would obsess over this dream.
“I know, I know.” Jadyn said. “I just can’t help but wonder if it’s my dad.”
Ria began walking again. “We’ve already been over this. You don’t know who your father is because he disappeared before your sister was born and you probably don’t remember him. And how could you have been in a forest at night alone?”
“I guess you’re right.” Jadyn said.
“Honey, it’s probably just your imagination running wild. That and all of Owen’s tales.”
“Yeah,” Jadyn said, thinking of her friend Owen and all of his crazy stories.
They walked for a few more minutes in silence. As they walked up the steps to the big wooden building, Jadyn heard someone calling her name. She turned around to see a redheaded boy running towards her.
“Owen!” Jadyn called.
The boy smiled as he ran up to the two friends. “Hi.” He panted, clearly out of breath.
“Why are you so out of breath?” Ria asked.
“I was running late this morning. My dad had me scraping the snow out of the front walkway.” Owen said with a grin.
The three friends made their way into the school building. They walked down the short hallway to their classroom. They took their seats in three wooden desks near the front of the classroom. A great fire was going in the fireplace at the front of the classroom. Now that it had begun to snow, the classrooms needed to have fires. The stonewalls helped to keep the rooms warm.
Jadyn removed her gloves and pulled out a stack of parchment to take notes. Madam Kiona, their teacher walked in the classroom.
“Good morning class.” She said, walking over to her stool.
“Good morning,” the class replied in unison.
“Today, we’re going to talk about the history of the land.” Madam Kiona said. “Pull out your books and read the third section on the Chosen.”
Owen raised his hand. “Yes Owen?” Madam Kiona said.
“Who are the Chosen?” He asked.
Jadyn turned to Ria. They smirked at each other. Owen was known for his knowledge of the histories and tales.
“If you would just read the section, it will answer your question. I’ll expand on it once everyone is done reading.”
The small class of about fifteen was silent except for the rustling of turning papers. Jadyn absorbed every bit of information that she read about the ancient times of the Chosen. She eyes flew across the pages of the book. The classroom was silent for at least a half an hour while the slower readers caught up.
“Everyone finished?” Madam Kiona asked. Nobody objected. “Good. I shall begin my lesson. The Chosen are a group of people that existed hundreds of years ago.” Madam Kiona started. “They were all blessed with the Light.” ` `
More hands went up.
Before anyone could ask, Madam Kiona said, “The Light is a magical force that the Chosen were blessed with. It varies from person to person, and only a select amount of people has the Light. With each person, the color of the Light is also unique to each person. Some of the powers were used for good, and some for evil.”
Madam Kiona paused for a moment, staring back at the small class whose faces were all fixed on her. Clearly they were interested in her story.
“As I was saying, some used their Light for good or for evil. Redon was one of the first Chosen to discover his abilities. He became very powerful and decided to track down other Chosen ones. He gathered them together and formed an army of Chosen, about a thousand strong. The others followed him because they were scared of him and his powers. He sensed their wariness and decided to turn on them. He defeated most of them. The few hundred that were left escaped and scattered themselves throughout the land. The Chosen do not reveal themselves because it is too risky. It is said that Redon has the power to track down other Chosen, along with his main ability to shape-shift, which is why he is nickname the Shifter. He remains in his homeland in Zaman, which is many hundred miles away form here. His army of Shifts stay there and plague cities to remind the people that the Shifter is still in power.”
The class was very silent, listening intently. Only Jadyn was scribbling notes.
“Almost two decades ago, he overthrew the king and queen of Palanir, King Johnerik and Queen Tammera. No one has seen them since and Palanir goes on without a ruler.”
Jadyn raised her hand.
“Yes?” Madam Kiona said.
“Is it true?” Jadyn asked hesitantly.
Madam Kiona got off of her stool and walked in front of Jadyn’s desk. “Is it true? Of course it’s true my dear girl. Otherwise I would not be telling you this.” Madam Kiona frowned, her delicate features on her face wrinkling. “Are there any other questions?” No one else raised their hand. “Alright then. Class is dismissed.”
Jadyn put her papers bag in her bag and stood up. She met up with Owen and Ria after class and walked back down the hallway, which was now filled with crowds of kids and teenagers. Since the children played a big role in helping at home, class was only held for an hour and a half every weekday. After class, the children would go home to help with other chores.
Ria pulled Jadyn aside once they made their way outside. She led her over to the courtyard to the side of the school building. “What was that about?” She asked, one of her thin black eyebrows rose a little.
“I just wanted to make sure that she wasn’t telling us a tall tale.” Jadyn said with a shrug.
Owen looked at both the girls with a quizzical look. “What?”
Ria turned to him. “She had that dream again last night.”
Owen looked back at Jadyn. “Oh,” he said softly.
Jadyn’s jaw dropped. “Guys, you can’t deny that the man in my dream sounds an awful lot like the Shifter. And maybe the man he was chasing was the King.”
“Sure.” Ria said, pulling Jadyn’s arm, leading her back towards their houses.
Jadyn didn’t feel like arguing now and didn’t push the matter any further. They walked through the main part of town. They passed the blacksmith shop, the butcher shop, the seamstress’ shop, and many other shops that were important in the growth and survival of the city. They also passed the covered dining area where a feast called the Great Celebration was held once a month.
Everyone cooked something and brought it for the feast and then there would be dancing and other festivities afterward.
“The Great Celebration is coming up at the end of the week.” Owen commented.
“I know.” Jadyn said. She always looked forward to the celebration, but was in a bad mood because of the dream she had.
“I’ll see you guys later.” Jadyn said as she turned to walk to her house, leaving her two friends walking on the main road to get to their houses.
“Hi.” Jadyn heard a deep voice behind her.
She turned around to see her good friend Coren standing on the path. “Hi yourself.” Jadyn replied.
Coren walked over to her and began walking along with her. “How are you?”
“I’m good, how are you?” Jadyn responded.
“Eh…” He replied. “Rashan has me working pretty hard at the blacksmith shop.”
“At least he is a good master.” Jadyn said. She knew that most of the masters in the town were not the nicest, but Rashan was one of the nicest men in town.
“Yes, he is.” Coren replied.
A moment of silence passed between the two as they approached Jadyn’s house. Jadyn stopped once they reached the front yard.
“Would you like to join me in a ride up the mountains?” Coren asked tentatively.
Jadyn smiled and dropped her chin a bit. “Sure,” she said. “I’d love to.”
Coren smiled, his white teeth shining. “Alright. Let me run home to get Cam.”
Jadyn held up her hand as he jogged off to his house. She kicked the snow off her boots and opened her front door.
“Mom?” She called, walking through the house until she found her mother doing some laundry in the back yard. “I’m going for a ride you Coren. We’ll be back before sunset.”
Mera looked up from the pile of clothes. “Alright dear.” She said. “Grab some food and a cloak and be careful.”
Jadyn turned and walked back into the house. She walked back into her room and grabbed her thick cloak. She threw it over her shoulders and buttoned it around her neck. She grabbed an empty leather pack and walked into the kitchen. She looked over the wooden countertop and didn’t see anything good. She looked in the baskets and found some fruit and a few slices of bread left over. She packed them into the pack and grabbed a two water pouches.
Jadyn walked out to the well in the backyard and filled each of them up. She slipped them in her pack and wiped her damp hands on her pants. She looked around the yard. Strings of clothes were hung up, blowing slightly in the wind. There were a few garden beds with a few flowers left. Most of them had withered away since the winter. The stables were off to the side with a small carriage parked out front. All the trees were covered in a light layer of snow.
She walked into the barn and gathered her bow and quiver of arrows. Coren was always willing to practice shooting with her. She felt it was a great skill to have. She slung the quiver over her shoulder. “Hi Chase.” She murmured, stroking the horse’s face.
She slipped his bit less bridle on his face and strapped his saddle pack on his back. She hated riding with a saddle because she felt that it disconnected her from her horse. She felt more connected when she was riding bareback. She only used a bridle so that it would make riding the rough mountain terrain easier.
When Jadyn was done tacking Chase up, She easily swung onto his back. She walked him out of the stables and out into the front yard.
“Where are you going?” Aubrey said, skipping up the pathway to their house with her best friend Nari.
“Out.” Jadyn said, somewhat irritated at her sister’s constant questioning.
Aubrey frowned at her. “Fine, don’t tell me.” She pulled Nari’s arm and walked inside. Jadyn rolled her eyes. She heard the sound of a horse trotting down the snow-covered path. She saw Coren trotting towards her on his golden horse Cam. “Ready?” He asked.
Jadyn saw that he had also brought his bow and arrows. “You bet.” Jadyn nudged her horse after Coren and followed him down the path towards the mountain trail. Most people were staying indoors because it had gotten colder over the last couple of days.
Jadyn and Coren were silent for the first ten minutes. Jadyn dropped the reins at one point and let Chase pick his own trail up the mountain. Half way up, it began to snow lightly. Jadyn pulled on her hood and picked up the reins. She felt very relaxed and at ease with her horse and with Coren.
“Almost there.” Coren said, turning around to face Jadyn.
“Where are we going?” She asked.
“Somewhere.” Coren replied, with a coy grin on his face, causing his blue eyes to light up.
Jadyn smiled and continued to follow him. He led her through a thick forest of trees and deep into the woods. He stopped once they were about five minutes into the woods. He dismounted his horse and tied him to a low tree branch. Jadyn followed his lead and tied Chase next to Cam.
He grabbed only his bow and quiver of arrows. Jadyn left her saddle pack with Chase and grabbed her bow and quiver as well.
He led her further into the forest. She could barely see the sky since the forest was filled with trees. She could only see bits of the grey sky above. She couldn’t tell if it was still snowing or not.
He finally stopped in a small clearing. “Ok. We’re here.”
Jadyn looked around to see a makeshift target in the middle of the clearing. Some of the trees around the clearing had some red cloth circles nailed on to them, each one at a different height.
“Since we always have a hard time figuring out where to practice, I thought that we could practice here.” Coren said, a smile playing across his lips.
Jadyn just stood there for a moment. She didn’t know what to say. Ria and Owen were great friends, but Coren was always there for her. “Thank you.” She said.
“It’s no problem.” Coren replied. “Now…” He walked over to her with his bow out and an arrow ready.
Jadyn had been practicing for the past couple years with Coren in shooting and sword fighting. She was not nearly as good as he was, but she was getting better with practice. He walked over to her and showed her the proper form.
“Ok. Now you always want to keep your eye on the target.” Coren said. He drew the arrow back and released it. It hit the middle of the target. “See? Nothing to it. Now it’s your turn.”
Jadyn took Coren’s place as he jogged over to the target and pulled the arrow out of the target. Jadyn pulled an arrow out of her quiver and fixed it onto the bow. She held it up and focused on the target. She pulled it backwards and released it. It zipped through the air, landing just outside the middle circle.
“Good.” Coren praised. “Much better than last time. You’re using your eyes to focus more.”
Jadyn smiled. “Thank you.”
“Ok.” Coren said, stepping back a little. “Let’s try that again.”
:]
I'm sad.