This is my first poem......comments would be appreciated.....please be truthful if you don't like it tell me you don't and tell me why so I can try to change it..... well here it is......



The Story of the Broken

He opened the door without any care
Knowing that it would be lying right there
He picked it up and read the first couple of pages
Something that he had not read for ages

He flipped through then he found something marked
About Noah and the ark
About God telling him the ways
To live through a flood for forty days

It reminded him about a time in his life
Filled with much worry and strife
When he left her out in the rain
The night when he caused her so much pain

He drove away without looking back
With her sitting on her pack
He had nights with her that he now regrets
The times when he never did fret

Her belly was now big she was having a child
He knew he wasn’t ready to be for the responsibility
So he dropped her off in the rain
when she was in so much pain

He then looked back at he book
Reading something,he now shook
It was about Jesus being on the cross
Giving believers something that he thought he lost

But he continued reading about everyone’s sins being lifted
Something he had once thought that he was gifted
He believed with all of his sins that he was surely condemed
But he read that God had a different plan

He thought back at the bars he had been to
and the drugs he had taken
and thought the book was surely mistaken
but he kept reading and heard about the thief on the cross with Jesus

How he had been saved at the very last moment
The time when there was no hope
The book said he went to Heaven
The place of eternal peace

Reading on in the precious book
About what Jesus had took
With nails through his hands
Briars on his head like hooks

Being put in the grave once he was dead
With guards that did not sleep
Put around his tomb
His family and believers would weep

Three days after the crucifiction was done
He awoke! he was the father’s son!
He ressurected and went to heaven
Guards came to an empty grave

He closed the book trying not to cry
But failed with only one try
He lied down on the bed
and put his hands on his head

He prayed that he would be forgiven
That his soul would be cleansed
From the many sins he had commited
And he would not be condemed

He awoke the next morning
And got dressed for church
Thinking he would be shunned
Because of the people he hurt

He walked in and sat in the back
And to his surprise people actually spoke to him
During the Invatation he walked to the front
And bowed down to pray



He was the last one to leave
When the preacher spoke up
He asked if there was life after death
And the preacher said yes

He began to cry and leaned on the preacher
Tears in his eyes he told his tale to him
His tale of hope and despair
The preacher listened intently

After he finished he asked if God would forgive him
Though all his sins would surely condem him
The preacher said that only you can save yourself
Through Jesus christ is your only way

He told the preacher he wanted to be saved
To meet with Jesus after his grave
the preacher told him to repeat a prayer
And to mean it with all his heart

Afterwards he was sobbing
But his heart there was no throbbing
As if his past was destroyed
And nothing had ever happened

The weeks went by and he lived his life
Forgetting about his worry and strife
He then opened the same door
Without any care knowing that it would be lying right there

He read the first couple of pages
Something that felt like it wasn’t done for ages
Quietly his breath ran still
Knowing that he was filled

He knew he was going to heaven
he didn’t struggle
His breath quickly left
and his body went limp

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"Is all that we see or seem in a dream, but a dream?" -Edgar Allen Poe

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Normal is for Muggles!

I liked the poem. A bit religious, but I like it. The only thing I see wrong is 'despair' is spelled 'dispair'

thanks...I didn't notice that!!^^

_________________
"Is all that we see or seem in a dream, but a dream?" -Edgar Allen Poe

[: ? # = $ ^ ~ +]


Normal is for Muggles!

You're welcome. ^^

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<a href="http://dollzmaniaglitter.com/"><img src="http://dollzmaniaglitter.com/saved/glit461708596f9a96.11850698.gif" title="dollzmaniaglitter.com"></a>

[=#?&]

That is really, really awsome Belle, be proud of yourself.

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I was Nymphadora Tonks

^^^thank you !!!

_________________
"Is all that we see or seem in a dream, but a dream?" -Edgar Allen Poe

[: ? # = $ ^ ~ +]


Normal is for Muggles!

Wonderful! Made me cry.

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Married Artemis Fowl on July 16, 2007
[!+^$%=#?&]
The Seemingly Nice But Actually Really Nasty Nazgul
School ate my life. *sigh*

Just think how much I was crying while writing it!!!!

thanks!!

_________________
"Is all that we see or seem in a dream, but a dream?" -Edgar Allen Poe

[: ? # = $ ^ ~ +]


Normal is for Muggles!

That's really good! And like the message! It's awsome Belle! I hope to see some more work from you!

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(}--{)Imagination Inspires Ideas -Zandain(}--{)
Married Cloud Strife 9/17/08

thanks!! and you will......but it takes me days sometimes weeks to write a GOOD poem......I will sometimes write hundreds of poems before I finally find one I like....

_________________
"Is all that we see or seem in a dream, but a dream?" -Edgar Allen Poe

[: ? # = $ ^ ~ +]


Normal is for Muggles!