Yes, well, this is what happens when you leave me alone with a pencil and paper, two months before AWE comes out. Take note, this was before I knew anything about the real wedding of Will and Lizzy, so it's completely different than the movie (and not nearly so much fun, actually). But I thought I'd post it here and see what y'all think of it. Oh, and to add to the fun, while I was writing it I put in some POTC jokes (some on purpose and some not) that only a "real" - aka obsessed and/or detail-oriented - fan would get, so have fun and see if you can find them all...
By the way, this is in script form. I hope that’s okay.
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(Scene: WILL, ELIZABETH, JACK, BARBOSSA, and the rest of the CREW - including JACK THE MONKEY and TIM (THE DOG WITH THE KEYS) - are gathered on the deck of the Black Pearl. WILL is wearing the black and maroon “piratey” outfit he is wearing during part of AWE and ELIZABETH is wearing a simple yet beautiful white dress. She is standing at the stern of the ship with GIBBS, PINTEL and RAGETTI while WILL, BARBOSSA and JACK are at the bow. DAVY JONES sits at his organ and begins to play an *ahem* unique hybrid of “The Wedding March” and “Yo Ho, A Pirate’s Life For Me”.)
JACK: (out of the side of his mouth, to WILL) Are you absolutely positive you’re not a eunich?
WILL: (looks irritated) Yes!
JACK: Because if it turns out you are, tell Lizzy she can come visit me anytime, savvy? As long as she stays away from my rum.
WILL: (glowers at JACK)
JACK: Steady, mate, I’m nothing but an almost innocent bystander.
WILL: ...Right. Sure.
(Meanwhile ELIZABETH is walking down the aisle on the arm of GIBBS. RAGETTI and PINTEL are behind her, acting as the brides”maids”.)
ELIZABETH: Mr. Gibbs, thank you for doing what my father could not be here to do.
GIBBS: Aye, lass, yer father was a good man. I’m honored to do this for you in his stead.
(RAGETTI is rubbing at his wooden eye. PINTEL slaps him.)
PINTEL: Stop rubbing it, mate!
RAGETTI: I’m sorry, it’s just...I always cry at weddings.
PINTEL: But you’re rubbing your WOODEN eye! That one doesn’t cry!
RAGETTI: ...Oh yeah.
(JACK THE MONKEY is scurrying behind them throwing half-dead flowers everywhere.)
(Finally ELIZABETH reaches the bow and stands next to WILL as BARBOSSA begins the speech.)
BARBOSSA: Here we be, gathered on the deck of me maginificient ship the Black Pearl...
JACK: Excuse me!
(Everyone turns to look at JACK.)
JACK: Er, I think you may have gotten yourself a tad confused as to the ownership of this fine vessel, mate.
BARBOSSA: This be MY ship - I’M the captain!
JACK: You were the captain, and now you’re acting in the captain’s place, but mate, I can assure you that I’M the Pearl’s real captain and so her rightful owner.
BARBOSSA: Jack, Jack, I’m quite positive that I’m the captain and owner of the Black Pearl. Now unless ye be wantin’ to be thrown overboard, ye’ll shut yer yap while I finish this here wedding! Then after the ceremony we can discuss this like civilized gents, aye?
JACK: (glares) Fine. I wouldn’t want to spoil the whelp’s big day, after all. Carry on.
BARBOSSA: Thank ye, much. Now, as I was saying before ol’ Jack put his two cents in, we’re gathered here on the deck of this beauty of a ship to finally get something done that woulda happened a long time ago, had it not been for the interference by our dear friend Jack Sparrow.
JACK: (glares daggers at BARBOSSA) (mutters) Just get it over with already...
BARBOSSA: And so with that off me chest, I’d like to welcome all of ye to the wedding of Mr. William Turner and Ms. Elizabeth Turner...
ELIZABETH: (coughs and narrows eyes)
BARBOSSA: Er - I mean Ms. Swann. These two people have known each other for a good many years and it’s quite obvious that they’re crazy for each other. And so it gives me great pleasure to unite them today in the sight o’ God and all ye fine folk. (turns to WILL) Do ye promise to love, honor, and protect this lass for all the days of yer life, until the day ye leave this earth?
WILL: I do.
RAGETTI: (blows nose on his sleeve) This is so beautiful, I think I’m gonna cry!
PINTEL: Quiet!
BARBOSSA: And do ye, Ms. Swann, promise to love, honor and obey dear William until ye leave this earth?
ELIZABETH: (smiles) I do.
BARBOSSA: Er - where be the rings, Jack?
JACK: (whistles) Heeeere Tim! Here Tim!
(The infamous TIM, THE DOG WITH THE KEYS, comes out of the group of pirates holding a ragged pillow with two simple gold rings on it in his mouth.)
BARBOSSA: Aye, that works. (gives WILL one ring)
(WILL places the ring on ELIZABETH’s finger)
WILL: I’m sorry I couldn’t get you anything nicer. You deserve more than just this.
ELIZABETH: Will - did you make this yourself?
WILL: (embarrassed) Yes...
ELIZABETH: (smiles) Then I think it’s the most beautiful ring in the world.
(WILL looks happy. BARBOSSA hands ELIZABETH the other ring - also Will’s handiwork - and she slides it onto WILL’s finger.)
BARBOSSA: I now pronounce ye to be husband and wife, and pirate and piress. Ye may kiss yer bride.
(WILL and ELIZABETH kiss. Loud cheer from surrounding pirates.)
JACK: (pops up holding a bottle of rum) DRINKS ALL AROUND!
(JACK THE MONKEY begins setting off fireworks. The pirates fire a round of pistols into the air. Then they line up in two lines and cross swords above WILL and ELIZABETH’s heads so the couple can walk underneath them.)
JACK: (comes up to them) Congratulations and the very best of luck to both of you.
WILL: Thank you, Jack.
JACK: Elizabeth...
(ELIZABETH looks at him)
JACK: It’s probably just as well things didn’t work out between us.
ELIZABETH: (gives him an odd look, then smiles warily) Yes, I suppose so, Jack.
JACK: Well, I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone now. I’m off to reclaim my ship - and have some more rum! (swaggers off)
WILL: (as they watch Jack move away) Elizabeth - you wouldn’t really have picked him, would you?
ELIZABETH: No. (smiles at WILL) You’ve always been the only pirate for me, William Turner.
WILL: And you’ve always been the only piress for me, Elizabeth... (hesitates) Turner.
ELIZABETH: You know, you’ll have to get used to saying that name, Will. (grins) I’m Mrs. Turner now, and I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.
WILL: You’d best not, Mrs. Turner. (kisses ELIZABETH)
ELIZABETH: (grins mischievously) As if I would, with more of those to look forward to every day!
Keep writing!!
Avatar by JF, banners by Taurquende, Nurrantiel Mashiara, Silme Meleth TarNymphadora, and JF taught me how to use banners. Thanks to all!
But I'm glad people like it! (I was trying to figure out how to stick in the phrase "Davy Jones Crocodile Machine" but it wouldn't fit. Oh well. 
THANKYOU! 
But, I really meant what I said. 
I know, right after I posted that, I was like " 
