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Post subject: Stained Glass Eye. (Rated G) Posted: May 21st, 2007, 3:25 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005 Posts: 19521 Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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Dont' ask where this one came from.. I honestly am not sure. It just came out this way.
A plastic heart and wooden tongue,
Do the damage told.
An illness spread through the young,
Reaching to the old.
A crystal hand, a stained glass eye,
Looking out at me.
Watching as the mortals die,
He "sets their spirits free."
But now the tail that darkness told,
Has now come to an end.
There are none left, young or old,
They all have been done in.
A metal shell, a porcelain heart,
He fought to protect.
But now he's torn his world apart,
He destroyed all he could detect.
He's left with only ghosts that be,
To hear their deathly cry.
Floating in the night to see,
Through his single stained glass eye.
Last edited by Jax Nova on July 16th, 2007, 8:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post subject: Posted: May 21st, 2007, 7:31 pm |
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Joined: 27 February 2006 Posts: 11433 Location: My Imagination Country:
Gender: Female
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Wow... that's kinda cool! It seems he toor himself apart... and got replacement stuff... and then he killed everyone else around him, and is now alone... or so it seems... lol!
That's the tale of the man,
With the single stained glass eyes...
_________________  (}--{)Imagination Inspires Ideas -Zandain(}--{) Married Cloud Strife 9/17/08
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Post subject: Posted: May 22nd, 2007, 2:53 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005 Posts: 19521 Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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lol yeah... like I said a bit stange. Thsoe come and go every now and then so I just write them down. And figure... "Whatever?" *shrugs* lol Thanks for the comment.
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Post subject: Posted: June 9th, 2007, 6:42 pm |
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Joined: 29 May 2007 Posts: 1186 Location: Somewhere far away
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That's amazing. Might I suggest though:
None are left, whether young or old,
They all have been done in.
Nothing very different, just changed-around words. But yeah, it's awesome!
_________________ ~Follower of Christ~
~Extreme Evanescent~
~Claimed Elladan July 03, 2007~ :3
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Post subject: Posted: June 11th, 2007, 4:13 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005 Posts: 19521 Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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Thanks, and glad you liked it.
As always suggestions are always appreciated. But really it doesn't fit in my mind... lol it's not a bad way to word it and infact Ilike the wording better. But the flow doesn't seem to fit in my mind really well. *shrugs*
But thanks for the suggestion anways I always like to ehar them! 
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Post subject: Posted: July 16th, 2007, 12:16 am |
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Joined: 29 May 2007 Posts: 1186 Location: Somewhere far away
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How about this?
There are none left, young or old
They all have been done in.
I just changed one word. But it's fine if you don't like it. I mean, it's great the way it is! 
_________________ ~Follower of Christ~
~Extreme Evanescent~
~Claimed Elladan July 03, 2007~ :3
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Post subject: Posted: July 16th, 2007, 8:41 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005 Posts: 19521 Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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yeah, that deos fit better.  thanks. I will edit it.
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Post subject: Posted: July 16th, 2007, 10:03 pm |
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Joined: 29 May 2007 Posts: 1186 Location: Somewhere far away
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Cool!
_________________ ~Follower of Christ~
~Extreme Evanescent~
~Claimed Elladan July 03, 2007~ :3
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Post subject: Posted: July 28th, 2007, 12:02 pm |
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Joined: 21 August 2006 Posts: 4076 Location: Out Walking
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It's strange... but it's really good!
_________________ <center>
Receiving So Much More.
PM me with prayer requests
www.therebelution.com
</center>
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Post subject: Posted: August 15th, 2007, 11:03 am |
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Joined: 04 November 2005 Posts: 19521 Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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Thanks glad you liked it. 
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Post subject: Posted: August 15th, 2007, 5:22 pm |
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Joined: 30 December 2005 Posts: 2901
Gender: Female
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I like it. It definately has good imagery. Great job again, Jax. 
_________________
"Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home."
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Post subject: Posted: August 16th, 2007, 10:28 am |
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Joined: 04 November 2005 Posts: 19521 Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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Thanks for the comment.  Glad you liked it. Imagery was one of the things I was kind of going for on this piece.
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