Rules      FAQ       Register        Login
It is currently May 4th, 2025, 4:39 pm

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 40 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next
Author Message
 Post subject:
PostPosted: December 9th, 2007, 6:30 pm 
Elf
Elf
User avatar

Joined: 26 August 2007
Posts: 1213

Offline
None whatsoever! I'll have to do it tomorrow, or later today, though. At the moment, I'm off to a Christmas festival. But I'll get to it as soon as I can XD.

_________________
<center>Image
Thanks to Revenge for the lovely set!
~Married Legolas of Gondolin April 6, 2006~
<center>


Top
 Profile                  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: December 9th, 2007, 6:45 pm 
Lady of Strife
Lady of Strife
User avatar

Joined: 27 February 2006
Posts: 11433
Location: My Imagination
Country: Rohan (xr)
Gender: Female

Offline
Cool! Have fun! I'm really in no hurry! So, take your time with it!

_________________
Image
(}--{)Imagination Inspires Ideas -Zandain(}--{)
Married Cloud Strife 9/17/08


Top
 Profile       WWW     YIM        
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: December 10th, 2007, 7:09 pm 
Elf
Elf
User avatar

Joined: 26 August 2007
Posts: 1213

Offline
Okay, Raina. Here it is. I've made my suggestions in orange and comments in white. I've tried not to repeat myself.

Eruraina Aniarure wrote:
He was sailing smoothly for a few yards until a head popped out of the water in front of him. It was a small kid with goggles, looking at his newest treasure, a sea shell.

Good description here! I like the word-choice.
Eruraina Aniarure wrote:
It also stung his eyes, and before he could recover quick enough, another wave knocked him over.

I think this would flow a bit better if you revised the "it also".
Eruraina Aniarure wrote:
Next thing he knew his friends grabbed one of each of his arms and was helping him to shore. A third carried his board. All of them were laughing a joking.

I would suggest describing the friends, and perhaps naming them.
Eruraina Aniarure wrote:
"Yeah, I got to go.

Gramatically, it would be "Yeah, I've got to go." But it's no big deal. It just depends on how you want it to sound. I don't know a lot of surfers that care for grammar, so that fits the style. Again, it's only a suggestion.
Eruraina Aniarure wrote:
Have to help my parents at the shop. Got a load of used books to go with the souvenirs,"

These here are sentence fragments. One is all right, but two right beside eachother make it sound a bit rough. I would suggest "I have to help my parents at the shop," or "I've got a load of used books to go with the souvenirs." If you want to use a fragment for one of the sentences, I was suggest putting a ' before the sentence, to show that it's an abreviation.
Eruraina Aniarure wrote:
Waving good-bye to his friends, and happy to leave out of embarrassment

The wording was a bit awkward. Perhaps "He waved goodbye to his friends, embarassment making him eager to leave." Or something like that. Totally up to you.
Eruraina Aniarure wrote:
It took him awhile, try to navigate the small streets of New Smyrna with all the tourists- most from out of state.
Wording was a teeny bit awkward here as well.
Eruraina Aniarure wrote:
Most of his life he had lived here, and had watched the town grow as it became a hot spot for pedestrians.

Perhaps "visitors" rather than "pedestrians"?
Eruraina Aniarure wrote:
"The books are in the back. We need them sorted by genre, and then alphabetical by author's name." She informed him as he walked past her.

You forgot to make the period a comma and make the "S" lowercase. It's an easy mistake to make. I do it all the time, XD. Also, gramatically it would be "alphabetically" rather than "alphabetical". Sorry to be a pest, XD
Eruraina Anairure wrote:
"So did I. But it turns out your father ordered a few hundred. I guess he plans to turn this into a book shop," She replied to his remark jokingly.

The "S" should be lowercase since it isn't the beginning of a sentence. But it's no biggie :)
Eruraina Aniarure wrote:
The pile was daunting, and the boxes for the genres small. It would take hours, days, or weeks sort them all.

You forgot to put the word "to" in the last sentence ("It would take hours, days, or weeks to sort them all.")
Eruraina Anairure wrote:
Recfir sighed, and sat down by the pile, wearing jeans and a gray hoodey.

Little spelling mistake. It would be "hoody", but close! :)
Eruraina Aniarure wrote:
Within a few hours, the pile was half gone, the light through the window fading, his brain half dead from so many stories, and his eyes soar.

I can't remember if I commented on this before, but you had a run-on sentence, meaning that the sentence really should be broken up. Also, it would be "sore" rather than "soar". Homonyms can be a bit tricky.
Eruraina Aniarure wrote:
When Recfir opened his red-colored eyes again, he realized the room was completely dark with the exception of the small lamp he had used to read the books' summaries.

I would refrain from using the word "eye" twice so close together.
Eruraina Anairure wrote:
Checking his cell phone-which had been in his hoodey's main pocket-he realized he had been asleep for almost three hours.

Gramatically, you need commas to replace the dashes. But again, no big deal.
Eruaina Aniarure wrote:
Gold letters on the front said Onercs then under it Elementals.

The words "Onercs" and "Elemenals" should be in quotations.
Eruraina Anairure wrote:
For all he knew it talked of some crazy island in the middle of the sea with mountains a forest, sandbar, and volcanoes.

Wording seemed a bit awkward. But again, that's totally up to your discretion.
Eruraina Aniarure wrote:
With a creak the ground gave way and he found himself falling into and abyss of blackness.

You put a "d" on "an". Happens to us all.
Eruraina Aniarure wrote:
His first thought was that they had a basement, but he knew that it was impossible to have basement in Florida not only because of the Estuary, but because of them being at sea level. But before he could second guess, all the blood went to his head as he fell, and he fainted.

I don't really know what an estuary is or if it's supposed to have a capital. Is it a title? You only need a capital if it's a title or a name of a person or place.

There it is and thank you, I had a wonderful time at the concert! :) I hope that wasn't too irritating.

_________________
<center>Image
Thanks to Revenge for the lovely set!
~Married Legolas of Gondolin April 6, 2006~
<center>


Top
 Profile                  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: December 10th, 2007, 7:25 pm 
Lady of Strife
Lady of Strife
User avatar

Joined: 27 February 2006
Posts: 11433
Location: My Imagination
Country: Rohan (xr)
Gender: Female

Offline
Awesome! I'll go change that... thanks!

And I guess it shouldn't be capitalized... the estuary is like an underground cavern thats filled with fresh water that is under most of Florida. So, if you dug about 6-10 ft. into the ground, you'd reach water. So yeah.

_________________
Image
(}--{)Imagination Inspires Ideas -Zandain(}--{)
Married Cloud Strife 9/17/08


Top
 Profile       WWW     YIM        
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: December 10th, 2007, 9:11 pm 
Elf
Elf
User avatar

Joined: 26 August 2007
Posts: 1213

Offline
No problem! Glad I could be of some help. :)

_________________
<center>Image
Thanks to Revenge for the lovely set!
~Married Legolas of Gondolin April 6, 2006~
<center>


Top
 Profile                  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: December 13th, 2007, 3:27 pm 
Lady of Strife
Lady of Strife
User avatar

Joined: 27 February 2006
Posts: 11433
Location: My Imagination
Country: Rohan (xr)
Gender: Female

Offline
Okay, so, here is part 4 out of 4 of chapter 1.

<center>Image</center>

Jacksonville, Tennessee
Eretwa clicked her tongue to get the bay horse she road to go into a trot. Her pony tail of orange hair flapped in the wind like a banner like the horse's tail that she was riding. The blue eyed girl rose and fell in time with the horse's gait, concentrating all her thoughts on the horse as they went around the ring. With a kissing noise, the big bay gelding changed gaits into a lope. Eretwa neck reined the horse to the middle of the ring, and halted him. She waved for a girl to come into the arena as she dismounted.
"Now, you nudge with your knees to get him to walk, click to trot, and kiss to lope. If you want to gallop, you jiggle to reins and say Ha! To stop you just need to pull the reins back only slightly," she instructed, and helped the girl to get onto the gelding. For a minute she just sat there getting the reins figured out. But after a moment she squeezed the horse's sides with her knees and he started off at a gentle walk. Eretwa made her way out of the ring while the girl tried the horse in all it's gaits to see how he had improved while being trained by Eretwa.
"For you only being fourteen, I'm impressed with what you've done with this horse. Horse whisperer indeed. I'll give you a thousand rather than five hundred. You earned it," the girl's father said to Eretwa as the girl rode past them on the horse, a huge smile on her face.
"No, I don't need that much. I don't know what I'd do with it. Like you said, I'm only fourteen.." Eretwa started to object but was cut off.
"There are plenty of things a teenager would want to get. A cell phone, cloths, jewelry, shoes. The list can go on."
"But I'm not like other teens. Well, I guess I could get another horse. And I could use a knew computer."
"There you go! One thousand it is then. You'll accept checks, right?"
"Yeah, but make it out to my dad." The man nodded, and pulled his check book out of his back pocket as the girl dismounted the horse. She started petting and rubbing his neck and head lovingly. Her dad pulled the check out of his book, and handed it to Eretwa, who stuck it in her pocket for the time being.
"We'll come with a trailer to pick him up tomorrow around noon, if you don't mind. We have to get the barn ready for him again," and with that they said their good-byes and left. Eretwa worked on untacking the gelding, brushing him down, and then put him out to the pasture for the night with the two other horses that were on the small ranch.

That night at dinner, Eretwa picked at her food. Usually she would gobble her plateful down and ask for seconds, but then again she always lost her appetite when she sold or gave a horse back to it's owner. She just got too attached to the horses she trained. Her father, the only parent she had, watched Eretwa intently. For a long while the two sat in silence. It was Eretwa's father who broke it.
"So what do you plan to do with the thousand dollars that guy gave you today?"
"Oh, I don't know. Buy a knew computer probably, and maybe another horse. If I have any left after that, I'll save it in my college fund," she replied. Her father nodded slowly.
"I went garage saling today. Got a lot of good stuff. I got you some books that I thought you would be interested it. And found a few horse knick-knacks that you can add to your collection. I also bought this really cool antique chair to put in the den when I have the time to fix it up."
"After you fix the downstairs toilet, and the study windows, and the food disposal in the sink, and the rocking chair, and the lights in the basement, and the hall closet door, and..."
"Okay okay, I get it. Theres alot of stuff to fix. I'll take next Saturday off and get it all done."
"How about a whole week? There's no way you can get it all done in a day, dad."
"I know, I know. I also know that you're worse than your mother." They fell silent at the mention of Eretwa's mother who had died in a car accident a few years before.

Eretwa combed out her long hair after a well deserved hot shower. The small bathroom was full of steam, and she couldn't see herself through the fogged mirror that had a crack in the corner- yet another thing that her father needed to either fix or replace. But it had been there for as long as Eretwa could remember, as did all the other things on the house that needed fixing. Money wasn't a problem, it was just time. She shook her head at the thought, and walked from the bathroom to her room where she noticed for the first time the pile of books. Half of them horse books, the other half fantasy, and a few mysteries were in there. Eretwa yawned and figured she could go through the books in the morning and crawled into bed.

The redhead awoke to the harsh wailing of her alarm clock. Grumbling, she sleepily groped for the button to turn it off. After a few times she hit it and rolled over out of bed. Monday mornings were always the worse. She grabbed a hair band and put her bed head hair into a pony tail and changed into some jeans that were on the floor. But she put on a clean shirt from her dresser, and flipped on her room light. For a minute Eretwa stood there waiting for her eyes to adjust to the bright light on the ceiling.
When she could finally see, she checked the clock on her alarm stand. 6:34, she had plenty of time before the horses would be expecting breakfast, so Eretwa sat down on a pillow by the small pile of books and starting to look through them. She read the first chapter of a few, knowing they would be interesting. One she chose to read first, and set it on her small desk and stuck a book mark in it. Soon there were only a few books left, one of them included a leather bound book with gold writing on the cover. "Onercs" and under it "Elementals". Eretwa shrugged inwardly and started reading the book. It talked of a small island with four corners each having something to do with a different element. A sand bar for water, a forest for earth, a mountain range where wind was always blowing for air, and ever erupting volcanoes for fire. Soon she came to a map of the island, and in the middle was an eight legged star. The book had said nothing about a star.
Eretwa turned to the next page and gasped. There was a beautiful pastel picture of the sand bar. The water was calm, and you could only tell it was a sand bar by it's yellow tint in the closer water. Fish swam in the clear water, and on the horizon was a beautiful sunset. Eretwa stared at the picture for a moment, thumb resting on the corner of the picture. The sun seemed to get brighter, as if light was really coming from out of the page. She jumped back and dropped the book when the picture turned black and started to give off darkness into the room like it was light from a bulb. It all happened so fast that Eretwa felt like she was over whelmed in the dark. She opened her mouth to scream, but no sound could penetrate the strange darkness. The pitch black light started to suffocate her and she soon blacked out.

_________________
Image
(}--{)Imagination Inspires Ideas -Zandain(}--{)
Married Cloud Strife 9/17/08


Last edited by Eruraina on December 13th, 2007, 8:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile       WWW     YIM        
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: December 13th, 2007, 6:23 pm 
Elf
Elf
User avatar

Joined: 26 August 2007
Posts: 1213

Offline
Again, awesome descriptions! Brilliant chapter, Raina!

Would you like me to show you the grammar things again?

_________________
<center>Image
Thanks to Revenge for the lovely set!
~Married Legolas of Gondolin April 6, 2006~
<center>


Top
 Profile                  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: December 13th, 2007, 6:30 pm 
Lady of Strife
Lady of Strife
User avatar

Joined: 27 February 2006
Posts: 11433
Location: My Imagination
Country: Rohan (xr)
Gender: Female

Offline
Well... the first couple of sections when there weren't as many, if any, grammer errors, and I hed through them a couple of times. But, I didn't do that for this one... I was sort of in a horry when I wrote it, so if you want to do that, and have time, I'd greatly appreciate it!

_________________
Image
(}--{)Imagination Inspires Ideas -Zandain(}--{)
Married Cloud Strife 9/17/08


Top
 Profile       WWW     YIM        
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: December 13th, 2007, 8:12 pm 
Elf
Elf
User avatar

Joined: 26 August 2007
Posts: 1213

Offline
Okay, here it is. Grammatical and/or spelling mistakes in orange.

Eruraina Aniarure wrote:
"Yeah, but make it out to my dad," The man nodded, and pulled his check book out of his back pocket as the girl dismounted the horse.

One little thing here. "The man nodded" was the beginning of a new sentence, so you need a period after the word "dad" rather than a comma. A comma is used to show that what comes after the quotation marks is not the beginning of a sentence. For example, '"That's true," the girl said.'

That was the only thing I found. Good job, Raina! *applause*

_________________
<center>Image
Thanks to Revenge for the lovely set!
~Married Legolas of Gondolin April 6, 2006~
<center>


Top
 Profile                  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: December 13th, 2007, 8:32 pm 
Lady of Strife
Lady of Strife
User avatar

Joined: 27 February 2006
Posts: 11433
Location: My Imagination
Country: Rohan (xr)
Gender: Female

Offline
Awesome! Cool! Hm... I've only just started chapter 2, though, and only have like... three or four paragraphs done.

And thanks again so much! I can't tell you how much I appreciate your help. You're awesome Milly! I owe you one! Or two, or three! lol! If you ever need anything, just let me know!

_________________
Image
(}--{)Imagination Inspires Ideas -Zandain(}--{)
Married Cloud Strife 9/17/08


Top
 Profile       WWW     YIM        
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: December 13th, 2007, 9:20 pm 
Elf
Elf
User avatar

Joined: 26 August 2007
Posts: 1213

Offline
Aw no problem, Raina. :) And thanks, that's really sweet. :hug:

_________________
<center>Image
Thanks to Revenge for the lovely set!
~Married Legolas of Gondolin April 6, 2006~
<center>


Top
 Profile                  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: January 15th, 2008, 5:00 pm 
Lady of Strife
Lady of Strife
User avatar

Joined: 27 February 2006
Posts: 11433
Location: My Imagination
Country: Rohan (xr)
Gender: Female

Offline
Okay, here it is! What you've been waiting for!

Chapter two

Donwin took in a deep breath, and then another. The pain in his chest was gone, as so were all the other aches and bruises. He opened his eyes, and all he could see was the clear blue sky with not a cloud in sight. He sat up abruptly to take in his surroundings, and was almost knocked back over by a wind that he just realized was blowing and had been. He was on the top of a white mountain, and was surrounded by many smaller ones, and was facing the horizon. It looked just like the picture in the book that he had found in the library.
Looking down he realized he had no shirt, and he was wearing gray pants made out of a strangely soft material. It was nothing like what they had in New York, because they had no seams, and fit him perfectly. And another thing, he was barefoot. Carefully Donwin stood up, and looked for a way down off of the peak, while enjoying the solitude. From here he could easily see the rest of the island, including the very tall tower in the middle. He was sure the book hadn't said anything about a tower. Soon he found a small trail that climbed down the mountain, and started following it. He took many breaks when his feet started to hurt. Being barefoot was not fun. A few hours later he found himself at the bottom, and in the middle of a small, very windy valley.
The trail continued through the mountains toward the tower, and Donwin had nothing else to do but follow it. But by the time he got out of the mountains, he was tired, thirsty and hungry. There seemed to be nothing to drink on the island but salt water, and nothing to eat but dirt. So Donwin just sat down on a rock, with his back against a small cliff, and decided to rest there until morning, hoping nothing bad would happen during the night.

~~~~~~~

On the other side of the island Tresha's eyes fluttered open to a deep green canopy. The leaves swayed and made a noise like music to her ears. She lay on soft grass, nestled between the roots of a big oak. She glanced around and took in her surroundings, her eyes only half open. The forest was peaceful in the growing light. Tresha slowly sat up, and looked down at her clothes. She wore nothing but a deep-green dress that went to her knees and seemed to be made of vines and leaves, yet it was thin and soft to the touch. Tresha got to her feet, which were bare, and looked around carefully. She could see nothing but forest in any direction. The trees were young and old, big and little, thick and thin. They swayed and the leaves rustled. Tresha could almost make words out of the rustling. Something about an angle and a demon. Tresha shrugged it off and started walking. The voices in the trees became louder.
"Starrion needs your help."
"Don't go."
"We need you."
"Help us." Tresha stopped. Had the trees asked her for help, or was it her imagination? She looked around uneasily and waited to see if the voices would continue. They did.
"You must find the others."
"Yes, the others."
"Three other Elementals."
"Water."
"Fire."
"And wind."
"Onercs depends on it." Onercs? The name seemed familiar, like that of a distant dream that seemed too near and yet to far. It was the name of the book that the darkness had poured out of to bring her hear. Tresha shook her head and brought herself back to reality.
"I'm going crazy," she told herself. "This is all just some big joke."
"No joke," the trees seem to reply.
"Okay, it's not funny anymore guys," Tresha called, convinced it was a joke by her friends. The trees rustled more, seeming to whisper to each other. Then all of those Hollywood horror movies she watched went through her head. She was alone, in a strange forest, and someone had changed her clothes. Freaking out, she started running through the forest, until she came to a sudden break through the trees. The air had been dense in the forest, and the sudden free air made her dizzy. The sun was now getting low, she had been running for hours without halting. Her chest heaved as she urged herself to get further away from the talking trees. They were only supposed to talk in books and movies. When finally she did stop, she dropped to her hands and knees right away, trying desperately to catch her breath. One hand clutched her chest tight, holding it as if it would explode.
When she finally caught her breath, she sat down, and took in her surroundings. The forest was now far behind and she had come close to a tall tower. To her right she could make out some flat-topped mountains that seemed to give off an eerie red glow. To her left was nothing but water as far as she could see.
"This place is too strange," Tresha said to herself. She started massaging her hurting feet. "If it's not a joke, then it's a dream. That book thing with all the black stuff was part of it. And that dream of the trees on fire beforehand was a dream within a dream. Yeah, that's it. That's diffinantly it. Maybe if I go to the tower I'll wake up." And with fierce determination, Tresha picked herself up and headed straight for the tower, even when the sun went down. She wanted to get there as soon as possible.


~~~~~~~

Recfir yawned, and sat up stretching. He slowly opened his eyes, feeling comfortably warm. What he saw jerked him from his sleepiness. He sat in the middle of a fire pit, with the flames licking around him like a blanket. It didn't burn him though, even when Recfir ran his hand through the flame, and even held it there. And where the fire came from was a bed of lava, that, again, didn't even feel hot to Recfir. And this lava was nestled inside a volcano. Recfir could see the blue sky from the opening at the top. Carefully he stood up, feeling like he could sink into the lava and die at any moment.
"How am I going to get out of this place?" He said to anyone or anything that would listen, and was answered by a rumbling under his feet. Recfir dropped to his hands and knees, and felt himself be lifted up by the lava. Soon he was lifted out of the cave and into the fresh air. At three feet in the air, the lava started dropping back into the volcano, leaving Recfir to drop onto the outside edge. Only, he landed rolling, and kept rolling down the whole mountain side. Rocks and such scraped his bare chest, back, feet, and legs. One even cut him across the face. Instead of trying to stop his fall, though, he tucked his arms close to himself and tried to stay still until he hit the bottom.
When he finally stopped, for a long time he just lay there flat on his back, looking up at the sky. It was spinning around him. And he could almost make out stars. Now he was sore and not in the mood for any more weirdness. When he was finally able to stand, he had to hold his head, and it took him a few times. But finally he was up and on wobbly legs. By then it was just past noon. Looking out the first thing he saw was a tower that he wasn't sure whether he could see the top or not.
"I have no idea what's going on, or where I am. This is all funky," he said, almost lost his balance, and stepped on a sharp stone with his bare foot. "And painful. And, it looks like the only bit of human life is that tall tower. I think I'll wait a bit longer before I head out. Maybe in the cover of dark I'll make my way there," he said to himself, and sat down. He checked for any pointy rocks that might stab him, then laid down on his back to rest until nightfall. "Dude, this is weird," he mumbled to himself, and fell asleep not long after.

~~~~~~~


The waves splashed against some distant shore and an eagle cried in the distance. Eretwa lay floating in the water, her eyes closed, enjoying the warmth of the noon sun. She had woken up this way only minutes before, and finding the peacefulness to her liking. She didn't want to open her eyes and find it was only a dream that seemed to real. After almost a full hour of just floating, Eretwa felt her back hit sand under the water. She must have come to shallow water. Well, at least she knew there was land. Or was it just a sandbar? But she could hear waves crashing against some distant cliff. Might as well check.
Eretwa planted her bare feet on the sand under her, and stood up, now only in knee height water. Finally she opened her eyes and looked around. No dancing mushrooms, no pirate riding a motor cycle. So it wasn't a dream. Then the events of the night before came to her. The thing with the book giving off the black light, the thought of it made Eretwa shiver. But at least she was safe now, but where was she? Eretwa took another look at the landscape. There were mountains to her left, what looked like a forest to her right, and a tall tower that reached to the clouds in front of her.
"'Head toward civilization, and you'll find people', so grandpa used to say," she said to herself, and with a sigh started walking. "I just hope the people are friendly, or are at least it was even people who made that tower. This ought to be interesting. O Lord, I hope who or what ever made that tower can help me get home," Eretwa mumbled, wincing as she stepped on a shell, "at least I know this isn't heaven."
She continued on toward the tower, starting to wonder if there were any other people on the island. Soon it became dark, and Eretwa had come half way there, now walking on what seemed an endless grassy plain. Eretwa sat down on an exceptionally soft bit of grass and rested. Her soft, light blue seamless dress she wore seemed to be unable to dry. It was just as wet feeling as when she was in the water, even though her long hair had already dried by now. Eretwa was worried she'd freeze to death before morning.
"Oh well, I might as well rest. Stumbling in the dark sounds no better than staying in one place, and both have the possibility of me freezing," she said, and laid back on the ground, and watched as one by one the stars came out.

~~~~~~~~

The first to reach the tower was Tresha, who stood at it's base and looked up to try and find the top. The end of the pinnacle of stone was lost in the swaying clouds that moved slowly in an invisible breeze. The base of the tower was ten feet wide at least, and looked like it had roots like it grew out of the ground. Two golden double doors loomed over Tresha. One door held the carving of a beautiful angle with feathered wings and a golden glowing halo. She held in her hand a silver sword. On the other stood a menacing creature with the head of a wolf, horns of a ram, upper body and arms of a man, lower body and legs of a horse, and a tail like a snake. Upon it's back were spikes and scales, and here and there black markings. The image of the creature made goose bumps crawl down Tresha's spine. Both doors had door handles close to the ground like dragon heads with a ring coming out of it's mouth.
Tresha was so intent on staring at the tower that when she felt something touch her shoulder she jumped three feet in the air and screamed; "I didn't do anything! Don't kill me, I just want to find a way..." Tresha stopped when she realized it was just a boy. He was younger than her by two years and had strange gray eyes. Donwin stood there with a shocked expression on his face for a second, but then it went emotionless.
"Find a way where?" he asked Tresha.
"Find a way home," she replied. "I live in LA California. You know, Earth? Do you think you could help me?" Donwin just shook his head, making Tresha loose her composure for a second. If he couldn't help her, than who could? She slouched a little in thought. Then coming out of thought, she straightened her back.
"Then, if you can't help me, do you know who can? And who are you?" she questioned, the usual Tresha edge coming to her voice.
"I don't know, I'm from planet Earth as well," he replied, walking past her and examining the door. "And the name's Donwin."
"Oh... I'm Tresha, as in tree then shah almost like Teresa, but not exactly," Tresha replied, turning to stare at the back of Donwin's head and noticed a mark on his back shoulder blade that was like a line curling upward like a gust of wind. "What's that?"
"What's what?"
"That mark, on your back."
"That? That's a birthmark. Strange, I know. No need to tell me."
"No, I have one like that on the inside of my thigh, only it's like a rectangular spiral."
"And why would I care?"
"Well... I don't know. But we might as well get to know each other seeing we're..."
"Not the only two humans on this island," Donwin interrupted. He had turned to watch as another girl walked around the tower, seemingly out of breath and shivering. Tresha followed his gaze and gasped.
"Hey you, over there, are you alright?" Tresha called, and Eretwa looked up, and started running toward them, the whole time trying to keep the skirt down.
"Alright you ask? Well, I'm cold, hungry, and this too-short dress won't seem to dry. But thank the Lord I'm not all alone here. Are you...?" Eretwa asked, tilting her head a little.
"We're not from here, we're from Earth," answered Donwin, who guessed what Eretwa's question was going to be.
"Oh, and you probably have no idea how to get back. But I bet the way home is through this tower. From what I read from that book that I think brought me here, this is the only thing that it didn't talk about," Eretwa said, seeming to be cheerful for being hungry, cold, and having a dress that won't dry.
"A book?" Donwin murmured. "Leather bound, old looking, and titled Onercs?"
"Yeah, that's it. Oh, I'm Eretwa, by the way," she said with a friendly smile.
"Hey, I got here by a book too. The leather looked like a stylish green, and this darkness poured out of it and then I woke up here. Wait... Eretwa?" It was Tresha's turn to tilt her head.
"No, the w is silent. And, what are you're names?"
"I'm Tresha, like tree shah, almost like Teresa, mind you. And that's Donwin, or as he says," Tresha replied, pointing her thumb.
"Tresha, Donwin, and Eretwa. Well, none of them are as weird as Recfir. Which, that'd be me, dudes," the three jumped as a fourth person walked up. Recfir, who was the tallest there by a few inches, and scraped up and cold, smiled at the rest. "Couldn't help but over hear most of you guys' conversation. Before you ask, I'm from Florida, which would be Earth if you didn't know your geography. Not like I pay attention to that in class. And it's that Onercs book that the redhead chick talked about that got me here."
The other three stared at him for awhile in silence. Donwin was the first to say or do anything.
"Whatever," he said, and turned, and grabbed the door handle on the door with the angle. He pushed and for a few seconds nothing happened, then the door slowly opened with a squeak. Inside was the start of a stairway that went all the way to the top of the tower, but from the bottom, the top was invisible. It was lighted by torches that lined the walls. They either held blue, green, red, or gray fire, but never just a regular orange and yellow flame. Donwin stepped inside, the padding of his bare feet on the tile floor echoing through the heart of the tower.
"Wow," was all Tresha could say as she entered the tower. Eretwa was still looking Recfir up and down.
"What are you looking at me for?" he asked.
"Are you alright? You're all scraped up," she said with a concerned frown.
"I'm alright, I've had worse. I just took a little tumble down the side of a volcano when I first got here for the fun of it," Recfir replied sarcastically and with a smile to go along with it, and stepped inside the tower after the other two. Eretwa followed the rest after a moment's thought.
"Why us, I wonder," she said to herself, looking around. Donwin was already starting to climb the stairs. "What links us other than our weird names?"
"Eye color, red, blue, gray, green. Just like the fires on the wall, dude," was Recfir's reply.
"Well, Donwin and I have these strange birthmarks. You can see his on his back. Mine's here on my thigh," Tresha said, lifting her leg slightly and turning it to show them.
"I have one on my neck that looks like two waves," Eretwa spoke excitedly, and lifted her hair and tilted her head so they could see. All the while Donwin kept making his way up the stairs, already being ahead two stories.
"Mine's on my side, and looks like a flame. Hey, Donwin, wait up for us," cried Recfir, and startrd running up the stairs. Surprised for a second, Eretwa and Tresha soon followed hastily. It took a few more flights of stairs before they all caught up to Donwin. A while back the doors to the tower and closed with a slam, and now no light from outside could be seen. They continued on up in silence for awhile, before Eretwa couldn't take just listening to the echo of bare feet on wide stone steps.
"Where are y'all from? I'm from eastern Tennessee. My dad has a ten acre ranch, and I own three horses," she said almost randomly.
"Like I said earlier, dude. Florida, on New Smyrna beach. My parents own a knick-knack shop as I like to call it," said Recfir.
"New York," was all Donwin spoke.
"Las Angles, California, the best city in the world," Tresha replied, then stopped. "How do you spell your names?"
"E-R-E-T-W-A. Why?" asked Eretwa, Tresha just shook her head.
"R-E-C-F-I-R, and I'm up with Eretwa here. Why exactly do you want to know this?"
"Because, I have a hunch," Tresha replied. "What about you, Donwin, how do you spell your name?"
"D-O-N-W-I-N, just like it sounds." For a moment Tresha thought deeply.
"Did you know you can spell wind with the letters in your name, Donwin? And I can spell earth out of my name. You can spell fire from Recfir's name, and water out of Eretwa's. Only, you have letters left over. An O and an N from Donwin, an E from Eretwa, an R and a C from Recfir, and from mine an S."
"Together the extra letters spell Onercs. Weird," breathed Eretwa.
"So our names are connected to each other even past just being weird. And if this place is Onercs, than we're connected to this place as well," thought Recfir.
"Or it could be coincidence," suggested Donwin, who was starting to get ahead again because the other two had stopped along with Tresha. "But it really doesn't matter about this stuff about names. It's stupid, actually. I just want to get out of here, and the only way I figure to do that is to get to the top. And I guess we're about half way up. I can feel the opening at the top."
"Feel the opening?" asked Eretwa, confused.
"Yeah, I can feel the draft from the opening above, can't you?"
"No. It's really stuffy in here," mumbled Eretwa.
"You can feel the air?" Tresha gasped, going up the steps again, trying to catch up to Donwin again. "I could understand the trees talking. Only I thought it was a joke by my friends. But now that I think about it, it might really have been the trees really speaking to me."
"Yeah, and dude, when I woke up here. I was in a bed of lava surrounded by fire. It didn't even feel hot," Recfir talked excitedly.
"Well, I just woke up floating in water. I didn't come to any strange experiences. But, I did wake up in water. So, we each have an element? Cool! I wonder if we have cool magical powers with them. Like I could talk to fish and swim really fast, and command it to do my bidding. Maybe Recfir can make fire come from his finger tips at will. And what if you, Tresha, can make plants grow out of even stone. Or is it even possible for Donwin to fly?" Eretwa was getting so excited that she started leaping up the stairs, wanting to know what was waiting for them at the top.
"The trees did say something about elementals, and that there were three others. You guys seem to fit the bill. And that Onercs depends on us finding each other," Tresha said.
"Well, we found each other, dude. Now what?" Recfir asked.
"To the top of the tower," Donwin called back. So, without another word all four of them made their way up the seemingly endless staircase. Hour after hour dragged on with still no sign of the top. They rested when ever they got tired, which became more frequent as they climbed. Donwin said after long intervals that the air was becoming thinner and that the draft from the top closer, and that he could almost taste the fresh air again. Recfir and Eretwa were soon over being cold, and all four teens were dripping with sweat. The marble steps also became steeper, and the tower seemed to become thinner as they climbed. A good jogging pace slowed to a literal crawl. They were on their hands and knees now climbing the steeping steps. Finally they reached the top after what seemed like forever. The stairs came to an abrupt end and there was now a ladder which led to a wooden trap door in the roof. Recfir volunteered to go up first. He climbed the ladder, pushed open the door and climbed out to the top of the tower. Before looking around he turned and helped the other three up, Donwin first, and then the girls because they wore dresses.
When they all stood at the top, they looked around. From this high up even the mountains looked small, but in the North you could see a light brown outline on the horizon, while all other directions was just water. The top was only five feet wide, with four foot stone railings all the way around. In the middle of the flat top stood an eight-legged star with a crystal on top. Between every other space between legs was a crystal and a ring, each with one of the four colors that lighted the inside of the tower. The rings were the same color as the crystals, and seemed to be made of each element the color represented. Without questioning, Donwin went to the gray crystal, and took the ring, which just seemed a ring of smoke yet felt solid. He held it up to the sun which was now high in the sky with his fore finger and thumb. Then he placed it on his ring finger on his right hand. The others stared at him until he realized it.
"What? It's not like anyone else is going to take them. Besides, you'd think they belong to us, being our elements as you guys put it on the stairs," he said with a shrug. The others thought for a moment, then agreed. They each went to pick up and put on their own rings. Eretwa's was like a ring of water that always moved yet felt solid and still where you touched it. Tresha's was a ring like a vine with a few small leaves growing off of it. Recfir's was a ring of red fire that didn't burn or scorch what it touched, and felt solid when picked up as well.
As soon as each one of them had put on their ring, all five crystals started glowing. Then a light like a shooting star came from the mainland, and landed right on top of the tower on the white crystal in the middle of the table. There was a great flash of light, and the four teens shielded their eyes from the brightness. When the light died down enough for them to see, there on the crystal stood, or more floated over the crystal, a woman like that carved on one of the doors of the tower. She had waist-length hair, each strand being a different color, yet the number of colors didn't overwhelm the eye. The colors were subtle, light, and soft. Her eyes were silver and seemed to hold the universe with their look of ancient knowledge and wisdom. She was pale, and very slim and fragile looking, yet her presence suggested that she was very strong and powerful. Her cheekbones were high, her lips full, eyebrows were like her hair in colors and slim, and a stout chin complimented her fair face. The angel wore a dress the seemed to be made of stars stretched into thread that was woven together. It was tight around her bodice, but reached freely to the ground about her unclad feet. Wide sleeves framed frail, soft hands. On her chest she wore a single white diamond held with a golden clasp on a silver chain. And upon her head was a silver tiara in crested with jewels of every color.
"Elementals," the figure said in a clear voice. "I am Starrion the High Angel, humble servant to the Great One. I am the one who called you here to Onercs. I need your help. The demon Darccos has taken me captive in his evil lair. What you see before you is only a message, but I must make this quick before Darccos finds I was strong enough to send you all this. You are the next generation from Earth to come and help Onercs. You have strong powers in elements you represent, which I hope you have figured out already. Go to the main land, the locals there will help you. Please, you must help me. When I am freed, I will send you back to Earth. Back to your homes. Again I ask will you, save Onercs from Darccos. Please." With that the image flickered and vanished. The four stood there for a moment, shocked. It had come and gone before they could really register what had happened.
"Aw, that poor angel, captive by that demon. I bet that's the ugly creature on the other tower door," Eretwa said, sticking out her bottom lip.
"That was weird, dude. So, we have to go on some quest to save this lady in order to get home? Great. And we have to cross that long expanse of water to get to the rest of this world? Dude!" Recfir fumed sarcastically.
"It's a long way, might as well get going now," Donwin said, but just stood there, staring off to the horizon, his back being to the line of land in the distance.
"We've only been up here five minutes or less, and already we have to go down? Hey, I've got an idea. If you're wind, Donwin, then why don't you fly us down?" said Tresha.
"Yeah, sprout wings and fly, dude," offered Recfir.
"I would if I could but-" Donwin began.
"Don't say but. Try. Imagine you have wings, imagine them sprouting from your back. If that doesn't work, then try and call a strong enough wind to bring us back to solid grounds safely," Eretwa said, jumping up and down.
"Fine, Ms. Positive," Donwin retorted, then closed his eyes. For a moment nothing happened, then in the flash of an eye, two feathered wings sprouted from his back, both were gray. Donwin opened his eyes, a surprised look on his face for a moment, but it quickly went back to his usual emotionless look. "Well, what do you know, it worked."
"Dude, they have to be fifteen feet long each," cried Recfir.
"No, more about six feet three inches long each," Eretwa said, and they all stared at her. "What? I know lengths just by looking at them, I've learned to do that, especially when you need to know how tall a horse is."
"I still think fifteen feet would be cooler, dude," mumbled Recfir.
"I'd argue the point as well, if it wasn't for the fact that I wanted down to solid ground safely. I'm not one for heights too much, unless it's in trees," complained Tresha.
"Then Donwin can fly you down first. Hey, where'd that dude go?" Recfir said, looking around. He had disappeared while they were arguing. A few seconds later Donwin landed in the spot where he had stood beforehand. He saw the surprised looks on everyone's faces and shrugged.
"I had to check to see if I could fly in the first place. Besides, I'm no taxi cab that's only used for other people," he said, and sat down on the table. "But, might as well ask who's first?"
"I am," said Tresha, starting to fidget nervously. "So how are we going to do this?"
"And in a way so it's not awkward," added Eretwa, scratching her chin, then she snapped her finger. "I got it. One arm can hold the legs and the other can hold the back. Then the person being carried put hers or his arms around Donwin's neck." The others stared at her in silence. "What? I don't see y'all coming up with any ideas."
"No, I was thinking that might work," Tresha said. "What do you think, Donwin. You're the one who's doing the carrying."
"It's good enough," he said, getting to his feet. Tresha was very light and thin so she was easy to pick up and carry. "Do you ever eat?" Donwind asked. She just shrugged her shoulders and said "beauty comes with it's vices". Donwin just shook his head, and jumped off the building, and slowly spiralled down to the ground with his wings stretched. The whole time, Tresha screamed, and looked like she could kiss the ground when Donwin finally put her down. For a moment she stood there on wobbly legs then dropped to her knees.
"I always hated flying. And this hasn't helped that phobia," Tresha complained. Donwin said nothing and flew off back to the top of the tower. Next he carried down Eretwa, who squeezed her eyes shut the whole time, but didn't say anything. Even though she was shorter than the older girl, Eretwa was stockier, and not as thin, so she was slightly heavier.
"I feel woozy. Oh, I forgot I get motion sick. I think I'm going to barf," Eretwa groaned, holding her stomach, and running off behind the tower to recover. Recfir was last, and wasn't carried like the girls. He put his arm around Donwin's shoulder, who put a hand on his waist. The two nearly dropped like a fly because Recfir was almost heavier than Donwin. When all of them were on the ground, the air elemental sat on a big rock, and was breathing hard. After a moment his wings disappeared and it was as if they had never been there in the first place. Soon Eretwa came back looking more pale than before, but said she was fine when questioned.
"Now what?" Asked Recfir.
"We go across the water," Donwin replied, standing.

_________________
Image
(}--{)Imagination Inspires Ideas -Zandain(}--{)
Married Cloud Strife 9/17/08


Last edited by Eruraina on May 12th, 2008, 1:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile       WWW     YIM        
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: January 16th, 2008, 3:29 pm 
Maia
Maia

Joined: 05 October 2007
Posts: 4746
Country: Canada (ca)

Offline
This actually would be a great idea for an rp!


Top
 Profile                  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: January 16th, 2008, 4:06 pm 
Lady of Strife
Lady of Strife
User avatar

Joined: 27 February 2006
Posts: 11433
Location: My Imagination
Country: Rohan (xr)
Gender: Female

Offline
Yeah, I know it would make an okay rpg. But I think I like it as a story at the moment... lol!

_________________
Image
(}--{)Imagination Inspires Ideas -Zandain(}--{)
Married Cloud Strife 9/17/08


Top
 Profile       WWW     YIM        
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: January 16th, 2008, 4:50 pm 
Maia
Maia

Joined: 05 October 2007
Posts: 4746
Country: Canada (ca)

Offline
okay, keep it as you like, :) :P


Top
 Profile                  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: January 16th, 2008, 7:16 pm 
Elf
Elf
User avatar

Joined: 26 August 2007
Posts: 1213

Offline
Eruraina wrote:
The first to reach the tower was Tresha, who stood at it's base and looked up to try and find the top. The end of the pinnacle of stone was lost in the swaying clouds that moved slowly in an invisible breeze.

This, my friend, is exemplary wording! This precisely what I've been talking about. Excellent job!

_________________
<center>Image
Thanks to Revenge for the lovely set!
~Married Legolas of Gondolin April 6, 2006~
<center>


Top
 Profile                  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 40 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]




Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 20 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Jump to:  
cron




Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group
Boyz theme by Zarron Media 2003