LG Wollibob, the inventor of puppets, got lonely with all the silent puppets hanging in his closets. So, he took his butcher knife and ripped holes in their mouths so they could talk. But then they wouldn't shut up so he through them outside and locked all the doors and windows and then they all ran off to the woods and became legend and myth. But then LG Wollibob got lonely again, being a hermit and all, so he decided to invent the SOCK PUPPET. This time, your HAND controls the mouth. So, when you take the sock off, it shuts up.

Because Count Ifilbob (pronounced: EEE-FEEEL-BOB -- and said really really fast) is planning world domination through computer mice. And you can't have a computer mouse without a computer. And the only way to gain world domination is to have EVERYONE obtain a computer with a computer mouse. How Ifilbob will then take over the world, well, that's a secret.

Because his hair smells like, well, actually. . . . different for all girls. (Sorry, I'm borrowing from Harry Potter---if you must---Lavender and sage) He is also a descendant of the famed Bob Spelled Backwards. Now, Bob Spelled Backwards beauty is known throughout history to be the most handsome man in the world. So handsome and "pretty," that he is compared to women. And in our patriorichal society that names women as VAIN, we flock to him because he is as pretty as we have always wanted to be, and so we like him because if we were with him we would be considered "pretty, oh so pretty. . . . .". However, that was Bob Spelled Backwards, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. His genes pulse through Orlando like a raging river, but he has a few more masculine aspects. (Assuming of course that he is NOT a eunuch, and has a lovely singing voice) He is related to none other than Captain Jack Sparrow, who we all know women flock to. Yet, he can't hold his drink thanks to his more "feminine" qualities given to him by Bob Spelled Backwards. And being related to Mr. Sparrow, more women realise that he is just a pretty face (unless of course he wears a kilt - as decreed by Queen Mad). So, though many girls flock to Mr. Bloom because he is "pretty, oh so pretty", they will soon realise, that if he does NOT wear a kilt, he's not much worth anything.

Because the male butt wipe sexist authors that wrote them can only fantasize about large. . . . upper regions of women. It's tragic really, the evil Giceripoli was fed up with women because they could all see right through him. This is not to denounce chameleons, but he happened to be albino because he lied too much and thus all females could see through him. He thought he could exact revenge on women by only letting the ones with huge "racks" be attracted/attractive to men. However, his curse somewhat backfired and only affected those who are now comic author peoples. But this curse isn't really "bad" except for all the womens' rights that get on their butts about it. So women today are still unaffected and men are still as stupid and usually unattractive to women. So women tend to keep control of women in that sense.

Santa is actually an "ex" pirate. Thus the reason he has SO many toys. He's very experienced in pillaging and plundering and raiding and all that good stuff. But, HE wanted to make a bigger name for himself than all the pirates in the world, so he went around TAKING toys and then giving them back to "good" kids. And the reason his sleigh flies is not JUST because of hs reindeer, but because he stole Captain Hook's (the most evil and dangerous of ALL pirates) pirate ship when Peter defeated him, and stole a faerie...which is why it can fly. And all he does is think happy thoughts (and so do his reindeer) and so they stay afloat.

Because it is all an illusion. Created by none other than . . . Sauron himself. Why? Because, when he was born in a time where it was all about the love baby!, his mother (who by the way was a raving narcissistic lunatic) looked at him and screamed: "Dear God! What is that thing?!!!" For he looked like a cute furry hobbit and not like her. (Her looks are unknown now . . . all paintings of her have been destroyed) He was never loved by his mother. And as he grew older, none of the pretty women wanted a man who looked like a cute little hobbit. So, he was never loved by any woman in his whole life. And when he came to power, he decided to exact revenge on all, by making it oh so horrible to be in love. With twists and turns and nasty little detours, he made it so that only the strong could love one another.

Wow. That's actually kind of depressing. Hmmmm. I'm definately an incureable romantic. Too much on my mind.

No. It is not really all yellow. It's actually all turquoise. With a bit of black and white for the feng shui of it all. You know, yin and yang. Why? I don't know. You may want to consult the great hippo named Oom. Or maybe a koala. I don't know. Choose a wise animal of your choice, speak to it (preferably a female, because females know all and tell all and refuse to bow down to males - with the exception of a few dumb bimbos . . . that's off track though) in it's own language and then try and understand what is says back to you. But from there, you're on your own.

Because you have been overwhelmed by the all around evil Toapycroswen who has infested your Big Wheels. Now no one is supposed to know about your Big Wheels and you secretly ride it 3 times a day and it gives you happiness for the entire day. Toapycroswen wants all the happiness for himself and wants all the insane and unknown for himself. A greedy *beep*, I know. But it is easy to rid yourself of him and be a happy, insane person again. First, you must dance around a May pole and frolic through fields. Then find all things funny and surround yourself with them and then laugh at yourself for all the stupid things you do and laugh so hard that you cry, can't breathe and fall to the floor twitching. He will be so scared of the happiness pouring through you and at the obnoxious sound coming out of you that he will flee you forever.

That is a VERY good question. Few know the answer. Lucky for you, I happen to be one of the few. Big toes are big because . . . *trumpets sound . . . drumroll* when we first evolved from the Hungarian Wasp Eating Snail, our feet were more just like huge blobs. No toes what-so-ever. But they were all slimy and almost clay-like. Anyways, one day a huge clan of us were blobbing around and literally ran into a clan of Big Foots. Now, as we all know, Big Foots obviously have big FEET. Anyways, they took a liking to us and thought we were cute little stupid creatures. In fact we were (and haven't exactly evolved from that). So they took us under there wing and realised we had no toes. "But all creatures that walk on 2 or 4 legs MUST have toes! So we all match!" But there was an argument among the clan about how many and what sizes. Lopsided, equal, big, small, one, ten . . . were the arguments that went on and on. Finally, the Head Honcho clan leader walked up. It was a known fact that he looked very similar to us and was very stupid. But they all followed him because of his BIG toe. He decided that they should be fashioned after him, so big toes were carved out followed by 4 smaller toes of equal length. Needless to say, we followed that lead of the Big Foots until we supposedly could go out on our own. No wonder we're still so stupid.

How to catch the moon. This is not a simple task; it takes one of intelligence to venture out on that mission, quest . . . thing, of retrieving the moon. You may think that all you have to do is throw a lasso around it and you've got it. WRONG. When you do that, you will realise that the moon we see is just a hoax. A mirror. And if you follow the trail of goat cheese, you will find the REAL moon. However, you cannot get to it because it is heavily guarded by Kite Running Galactic Star Ranch runners. And they are guarding it for the greedy, jealous hippo named Umrervitas Te Xul. So, if you REALLY want the moon, you have to sing "Fly Me To The Moon" exactly like Frank Sinatra and then procede to tickle his feet and his ears. But this proves ALWAYS to be too dangerous, because you end up dead or worse. Singing Kum By Yah (?) to the rabid squirrels that are set upon those who dwell in the land of DOM and are not wearing kilts. So, I suggest you just leave the guy alone.

Well that's because Queen Mad, ruler of DOM, one day decreed that spoons are for eggs. They actually used to be for steaks, but when Teliza Zil, master Chef of Raf, blew up the Queen's kitchen when Maz carelessly walked into Teliza eating toast. Teliza was listening to the famed Dr. Science while brewing some secret concoction (that is still unknown to this day - but is believed to have had something to do with pie) and Maz was walking with a toaster when he ran into Teliza and then it went BOOM! It was not long after that, when a second explosion rendered Teliza out of a job and banished to the Enchanted Forest...

It actually IS pink and purple. However the rabid squirrels that tend to live in the trees are greedy and want to keep the pink and purple colours to themselves. They proceeded to get permission from Queen Mad of the land of DOM because she required their assisstance in enforcing all men of DOM to wear kilts. It was a compromise. However, she was always unable to get the rabid squirrels to go into gum trees (thanks to Teliza Zil the Enchantress) so, those trees are full of lots of different colors.

Now, Rudy....according to legend (a long time a go, in a galaxy far, far away) decided to join a sport. Now this sport's name makes no sense. And that would be thanks to Rudy's evil nemisis, Orubesh. He resembles that of an ape. So his feet are where his hands are, and his hands are where his feet are supposed to be. (Follow?) Now, he named the sport "Football" because he played with his "feet" which are supposed to be his hands. And since his dad was so rich, he got to do whatever he wanted, including naming the sport. But this still hasn't answered the question of why Rudy's is so rockin'! Rudy, being the peaceful hippie that he was, never wanted to fight, but when he kicked major bootay at a "football" game where everyone started chanting: "RUDY!" This angered Orubesh so he had his father banish Rudy to a planet called Earth. There, he started his own sport. Known as RUGBY. And he also created a store called Rockin' Rudy's (he also suffered minor narcissism) that was the greatest haven for hippies around the world. And that is why he and his place are SO ROCKIN'!

If you're graphic programe is being a pain, dunk it down the toilet until it gives in and behaves.