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Post subject: Free Posted: September 6th, 2006, 5:11 pm |
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Joined: 08 January 2006 Posts: 3132 Location: The Shire
Gender: Female
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OK, i also entered this 1 in the contest.......it's a personal experience, i guess.....in way. *shrugs* anyway, same as the other, i'll put the banner (more like wallie!:-P) under the actual poem.....let me know wut u think!!  (Oh & also keep in mind i tend 2 agaggerate (sp??) a little bit in poetry.....hehe:))
Free
I could not choose
Whether I loved him or not.
So he chose for me.
He fell in love with another.
And in doing so,
broke my heart.
Pain & sorrow surround me
like a dark cloud.
And I cried.
Tears, tears, spilled down
my cheeks uncontrollably,
Unstoppably.
But alas!
Now,
I am free.
I am no longer confused,
trying to decide
If I love him.
For now that he has chosen,
I am no longer stuck,
Trying to understand.
Now, I can move on.
I can love others, now,
And not always think of him.
A smile spreads
Across my lips,
Slowly, as I think these things.
Goodbye,
My love.
My first love.
No matter what,
He will always be
My first true love.
Whether he loved me
Back or not,
He will always be the first.
The first person that
I ever lost
My mind over.
But now he has chosen.
And I
can move on.
For now,
I am
Free.

_________________ 
"Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness."
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Post subject: Posted: September 6th, 2006, 5:56 pm |
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Joined: 30 December 2005 Posts: 2901
Gender: Female
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Oh, that's so sad!! I think you need more cookies. *Gives Pip cookies* Is this the poem you wrote that you said you weren't going to show? Because I love it!! It's sad, but very well written. If I absolutely had to give any constructive criticism, I would say it doesn't flow quite as smoothly in a couple places. Other than that, it's perfect!! 
_________________
"Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home."
Last edited by ~*ArwenEvenstar*~ on September 6th, 2006, 10:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post subject: Posted: September 6th, 2006, 7:17 pm |
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Joined: 04 November 2005 Posts: 19521 Location: In a pudle on Naboo with dragon kind and ents and Jedi and wolves living in the Last Homely House!
Gender: Male
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Nice job.  Yes, sad, but nicely writen.
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Post subject: Posted: September 6th, 2006, 7:24 pm |
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Joined: 03 July 2005 Posts: 9846 Location: city that never sleeps
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Very sincere, and it's obvious you've experienced something like this before  overall, very nicely written.
_________________ 
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Post subject: Posted: September 7th, 2006, 7:15 pm |
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Joined: 08 January 2006 Posts: 3132 Location: The Shire
Gender: Female
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thanks, guys. Yes, arwen, this is that poem.....*was hoping u wouldnt notice* lol  & thank u 4 the criticism, i like that........I guess on this 1, it's more meaninful.....more......idk, significant 4 loss of a better word, that it's choppy........i dont wanna sound over dramatic, but kind of.....distraught. *shrugs* idk but really thank u 4 the input! compliments & pointers & such!!  i really apprciate it!! thansk again!! 
_________________ 
"Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness."
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Post subject: Posted: September 7th, 2006, 8:15 pm |
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Joined: 30 December 2005 Posts: 2901
Gender: Female
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Lol, sorry.  It was expressed really well though.  I still love it!! 
_________________
"Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home."
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Post subject: Posted: September 7th, 2006, 9:12 pm |
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Joined: 08 January 2006 Posts: 3132 Location: The Shire
Gender: Female
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^no no, it's fine!!  & thanks! i'm glad u did!! 
_________________ 
"Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness."
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Post subject: Posted: September 7th, 2006, 10:55 pm |
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Joined: 04 June 2005 Posts: 4428 Location: USA
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I like it! the best poetry (in my opinion) is when you just write down your feelings... its so expressive.
_________________ <center> ><>Ringer for Christ<><
 ^Thanks to Altariel Frodo!
<center>
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Post subject: Posted: September 8th, 2006, 4:18 pm |
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Joined: 08 January 2006 Posts: 3132 Location: The Shire
Gender: Female
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thanks.  & I agree.  It makes it so much more......sereal, i guees.  thanks so much 4 the input guys!! 
_________________ 
"Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness."
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