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 Post subject: Free
PostPosted: September 6th, 2006, 5:11 pm 
Balrog
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OK, i also entered this 1 in the contest.......it's a personal experience, i guess.....in way. *shrugs* anyway, same as the other, i'll put the banner (more like wallie!:-P) under the actual poem.....let me know wut u think!! :bye2: (Oh & also keep in mind i tend 2 agaggerate (sp??) a little bit in poetry.....hehe:))



Free
I could not choose
Whether I loved him or not.
So he chose for me.

He fell in love with another.
And in doing so,
broke my heart.

Pain & sorrow surround me
like a dark cloud.
And I cried.

Tears, tears, spilled down
my cheeks uncontrollably,
Unstoppably.

But alas!
Now,
I am free.

I am no longer confused,
trying to decide
If I love him.

For now that he has chosen,
I am no longer stuck,
Trying to understand.

Now, I can move on.
I can love others, now,
And not always think of him.

A smile spreads
Across my lips,
Slowly, as I think these things.

Goodbye,
My love.
My first love.

No matter what,
He will always be
My first true love.

Whether he loved me
Back or not,
He will always be the first.

The first person that
I ever lost
My mind over.

But now he has chosen.
And I
can move on.

For now,
I am
Free.



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 Post subject:
PostPosted: September 6th, 2006, 5:56 pm 
Istari
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Oh, that's so sad!! I think you need more cookies. *Gives Pip cookies* Is this the poem you wrote that you said you weren't going to show? Because I love it!! It's sad, but very well written. If I absolutely had to give any constructive criticism, I would say it doesn't flow quite as smoothly in a couple places. Other than that, it's perfect!! :)

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Last edited by ~*ArwenEvenstar*~ on September 6th, 2006, 10:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: September 6th, 2006, 7:17 pm 
Warden of the Knight
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Nice job. :) Yes, sad, but nicely writen.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: September 6th, 2006, 7:24 pm 
Mageling
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Very sincere, and it's obvious you've experienced something like this before :) overall, very nicely written.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: September 7th, 2006, 7:15 pm 
Balrog
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thanks, guys. Yes, arwen, this is that poem.....*was hoping u wouldnt notice* lol :-P & thank u 4 the criticism, i like that........I guess on this 1, it's more meaninful.....more......idk, significant 4 loss of a better word, that it's choppy........i dont wanna sound over dramatic, but kind of.....distraught. *shrugs* idk but really thank u 4 the input! compliments & pointers & such!! :bounce: i really apprciate it!! thansk again!! :bye2: :-D

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PostPosted: September 7th, 2006, 8:15 pm 
Istari
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Lol, sorry. :blush: :P It was expressed really well though. :) I still love it!! :)

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PostPosted: September 7th, 2006, 9:12 pm 
Balrog
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^no no, it's fine!! :-D & thanks! i'm glad u did!! :bye2:

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PostPosted: September 7th, 2006, 10:55 pm 
Maia
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I like it! the best poetry (in my opinion) is when you just write down your feelings... its so expressive.

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PostPosted: September 8th, 2006, 4:18 pm 
Balrog
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thanks. :-D & I agree. :-P It makes it so much more......sereal, i guees. :) thanks so much 4 the input guys!! :bye2:

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