Um Caunion, I know you're trying to be helpful but the last thing any person in the situation Mrs. Haldir is in wants to hear is that they are "doomed to fail" and that it's not as bad as they're making it...

It's okay Mrs. Haldir, it's tough at times but you can do this

_________________
<center>


<3
top banner by Coccinelle
I'll be back to visit, I promise!
</center>

Erm... since I'm friends with both Caunion and Mrs. Haldir I don't want this to turn ugly for me... but honestly that was some good advice if people stop picking out only the "mean" stuff and ignoring all the good.
And bow, you misquoted... he said "doomed to fall" not "doomed to fail".... plus he meant that this is probably one of Mrs. Haldir's difficult peaks while trying to recover. And if it's only comforting things people are told just because that's what they want to hear, then they are never going to recover.
I'd listen to Caunion, he knows what he's talking about.

And Mrs. Haldir, please don't give up, this isn't the end of it... you've tried and you couldn't control yourself, but you haven't failed... like Caunion said, your habit can't be cured overnight. You just have to keep trying and you will succeed. Look, you've controlled it for a month and a half already. Perhaps the next time will be longer. Just keep trying, please?

_________________

_________________




^ By me and my SS *squiggle hugs*

Oh, sorry for misquoting

_________________
<center>


<3
top banner by Coccinelle
I'll be back to visit, I promise!
</center>

I dont mean to sound negative Mrs Haldir, but I do agree I suppose with Caunion. I mean, beating smoking is hard because its a bodily addiction, while cutting I suppose is more psychological. But, I would suppose that they both work on similar principes.To try to go "cold turkey" is very tough, and kudos, a month and a half of self mastery is a good run. Take pride in your self control, and start all over again, and will yourself to beat your previous best. To quote Kipling
"Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:"

I know that I don't have any experience personally, and I claim none. You have my respect for your self control, and I wish you all the best in any future ventures.

The Lamenter

_________________
"This is the hour of the Shire-folk, when they arise from their quiet fields to shake the towers and counsels of the Great. Who of all the Wise could have foreseen it? Or, if they are wise, why should they expect to know it, until the hour has struck? "

_________________




^ By me and my SS *squiggle hugs*

Oh, how I wish I could just give up. If two years is considered overnight? Then someone needs to correct me somewhere and explain to me when it does count as that. Yes, I've been trying to stop this for two years. I think the longest I have gone with taking a blade to my skin was probably three or four months. I don't think I have made it that far since. I've been going backwards.
My reason being for such a long time frame and still not able to stop? I keep hitting so many bumps in the road. When I believe that I have hit point where think that I am going to be okay, something will come along and really piss me off or really upset me to a point where I need the release and that is where I loose my self control. Believe it or not, I actually feel better after I had cut myself. Even though it hurts, I like the feel of it. Yeah, I know, not a good thing to say but I am not going to lie. I won't lie about this either, once in a great while, I will just make a single cut just because I want to. Not good, I know. I don't think I will be able to to stop. I like the feeling of it too much to be able to try and convice my mind and I don't. I've even watched a startling video of a woman who was a nasty cutter just to try to frighten myself into stopping. And it did frighten me for a while but now, it clearly doesn't have the effect on me anymore.
I'm also depressed and my family is dysfunctional. Mean and nasty words come out more the anything else and it seems I am the main target for everyone's rubbish. I don't even love my family anymore. I actually beginning to dislike them but I am only pretending that I do not. Apparently, I have become the loser and failure of the family because no matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to succeed while on the other hand, my younger sister is doing so well. Whenever I decide I want to do something, they just have to put me down and tell me it's stupid, especially my mom. Then a week later, she say somethng like, "so have you decided what you wanted to do?" of course my reply is always, "yes I have and you said it was stupid." Then it ends there. I get no support but everyone else does. Here's why I do not discuss things with my mom because she has nothing good to say. One time I said outloud to myself, not really knowing anyone was listening, "I hope I'll die tomorrow" and they just told me to shut up, as if they didn't care if I die or not. Mom forgets things fast and suddenly acts like nothing happened.
So you can see, it's so easy for me to fail when it comes to breaking my addiction of cutting, and I hate failing. It's the only way I know I can get the release I need and fel better afterwards. Of course, when the cuts heal and the scars appear, then I become more depressed and cry just because I am ruining my body and just making myself more ugly. As if I wasn't enough already.
I think I've ranted on enough about this...I'm sorry.

_________________
And as he looked into her eyes
Within the auburn of her hair
The trembling starlight of the skies
He saw there mirrored bright and fair

♥In a poly relationship with Kili and Tauriel♥

Wow, what a wasted rant.

_________________
And as he looked into her eyes
Within the auburn of her hair
The trembling starlight of the skies
He saw there mirrored bright and fair

♥In a poly relationship with Kili and Tauriel♥

You know, this kinda hurts. I wasted time spilling out a bunch of crap and I get nothing but silence. This is why I bottle things up because at some point, people stop listening, just like you're all doing now. I kinda now feel like I can no longer turn here for help.

_________________
And as he looked into her eyes
Within the auburn of her hair
The trembling starlight of the skies
He saw there mirrored bright and fair

♥In a poly relationship with Kili and Tauriel♥

Mrs Haldir,

Despite this this not being one of my regular haunts, my eye was caught by this post. Because, well, being honest, I think its an accusation that is quite unfair. Would you say the same if there was lots of others who had posted, and in the crazy posting, people had responded to them, but not you?
I know for sure one of the only reasons I havent responded to many other posts here, is well, because I don't know the half of what others have faced. How can I respond when I don't have the experience to respond the right way?
Maybe we all don't know what to say. I know I don't post generally if I don't.

_________________
"This is the hour of the Shire-folk, when they arise from their quiet fields to shake the towers and counsels of the Great. Who of all the Wise could have foreseen it? Or, if they are wise, why should they expect to know it, until the hour has struck? "

I'm not ignoring you! I've been going through some stuff recently and so I just haven't felt up to posting back. It isn't your fault, it's mine, and I haven't stopped listening.

Don't give up on stopping cutting, there are bumps in the road like you said, but don't let those bumps completely throw you off the road. Everyone who walks down this road stumbles on these bumps, but it's up to you whether you choose to just give up there or if you keep on going down that road right to the end

Stay safe, take care of yourself

_________________
<center>


<3
top banner by Coccinelle
I'll be back to visit, I promise!
</center>

Well, I'm pretty happy that you guys kept my most precious club alive during my absence. I'm really sorry about me not being here at all lately, I couldn't find time... no.. that's an excuse. I had time and nothing to do at all sometimes and still didn't come here.
Well, I'm not sure why I didn't step by at all in these last months. But I can tell what brought me back to you now. I needed something to do, people to talk with, just getting rid of my odd thoughts and worries, and there I thought of my friends I had on this site, and thought they most probably would be able to build me up again after some distressing months.

_________________
<center>
</center>

(Sorry for doubleposting)

It grew so silent in here... Is no one depressed anymore, or no one bothered by anything?
Well, I have to admit that some things are bothering me actually. But I first wait to see if someone will write before I begin, it isn't so important.

_________________
<center>
</center>

Mrs. Haldir, I understand your situation. I really do. And I'm sorry you feel like this, I am truly sorry. Nobody deserves that pain, I know. But I have something to get off my chest, and I think it needs to be said. I apologize in advance if this offends you. I'm only saying this because I do want to help you, but I don't think you're going to be helped if things keep continuing like this. And I'm saying this knowing full well that this might make you worse, and I'm sorry if it does.

A lot of people here are trying as hard as they can to help you. They care, I care. Whenever you posted in the past, whenever you hit a bump in the road, there have always been replies. You've been given some great advice. I gave you some advice too, at some point. But I didn't say anything after that, because, well... you showed no sign of it helping you.

I think the reason your last post wasn't responded to for such a long time is because it's starting to become apparent that we aren't helping, and it seems like you don't want to be helped. What would anyone say that hasn't been said before? You're making it very hard for people to help you. And until you want to get better and want to be helped, I don't think there's anything anyone can do.

I know this is harsh, but at least think about it. You have to truly want this to be happy, you have to want this more than anything in the world. I know it's tempting to screw it all and hate yourself for the rest of your life, I've been there. But don't expect other people to save you. No one is going to save you. Only you can do that. Sure, we can help you and give you encouragement on the way, but you're going to be doing most of the work here.

The only reason people would want to reply to your posts is to help you. We care about you. Just remember that. The people here just don't really know what else to say, I think, though I may be wrong. I sincerely hope that you get better, and I'm glad to hear that you've gone over a month without cutting. That's a step forward, even if you refuse to believe it, it really is. Just keep at it, and you'll get there. People have come out of this before, so can you. It's not going to be easy, but it isn't impossible.





@Lady Erana - Sorry to hear. What's been bothering you?

_________________
<center>
<a href="http://raindrops.lemon-drop.net/">Between the Rain Drops</a>
[ + @ # ? : ]

That's true what you say, keyodie, you can only help people if they will accept and want this help as well, and don't have doubts in any way.

And well, about me, it's not really worldshattering. I broke up with my boyfriend and somehow didn't cope too well with that, but it slowly works out. And about 1 year ago my great-grandmom, so the mother of the father of my mother, died and I was with her during that. That follows me lately.

_________________
<center>
</center>

Well, one year ago the mom of my grandpa died. I just want to tell that at the moment, it is a memory that's very important to me.
She was living with us in a seperate room and we, meaning my grandparents and me, treated her together with a nurse for over a year now. Steadily she had grown worse and worse, losing the ability to walk, then to read, tho she loved reading, especially Jane Austen and George Orwell and such books, for she had been English teacher in her youth. Well, then there was her 100th birthday, and she was asleep half of the day, hardly noticed the cake I had baken for her, neither her birthday song. Well, from then on it grew worse each day, until her last day, when she didn't wake up at all.
My grandmom, who tended to her most of the time, already knew that she wouldn't last much longer, she somehow had the feeling that it would be over soon. It was evening and she called me on my phone that I should get to this room and sit with her, so I ran over and somehow was in a state of shock. I just sat there by her bed, held her hand in mine and continued to stoke it while looking into her face, wishing that she would open her eyes once more, cause she had the most beautiful and caring eyes I know.
Well, I don't know how long I sat there, being relieved every time I saw that she took a breath, which grew less and less, until she stopped. Even then I didn't stop stroking her hand, I just didn't want to.

You know, thankful that I lived to get to know her, after all, it's not too common to get to know the parents of the parents of the parents! And she was 100 years and 3 months when she died, that is a respectable age. And I'm glad that I had the courage to sit with her in her final minutes, cause this was the perfect way for me to tell her good bye.

Well, I just wanted to revive these memories.

_________________
<center>
</center>